100 Things I learned from Martyrs
100. Be careful what friends you make in an orphanage.
99. Don't swear on Sunday mornings, because someone might come slaughter your family.
98. Likewise, don't quit law school.
97. Rather than using an abandoned factory for your torture porn, find a peri-urban haven in the woods.
96. Remember when you're done talking to your mom, hang up the phone.
95. A white tank top is a poor choice to wear when your friend is out for revenge.