I know a lot of people want to accuse Tom of being a Nice Guy TM. But the truth is that he had every right to be pissed at Summer. I don't understand why people want to hold Summer to different standard than Tom. Even JGL want to hold Tom accountable for not respecting Summer's wants but did anyone stop and ask if Summer respected Tom wants? Why is Tom somehow more accountable for his actions than Summer when both he and Summer are adults?
shareMost of the Summer defending on this board is just result of when someone puts the blame completely on her for the doomed relationship and absolves Tom of any responsibility. Which is just as naive as putting all the blame on Tom and absolving Summer of any responsibility. Most people can't handle ambiguity, especially in films for some reason, so they insist on finding a bad guy, when the brilliance of this film is that there is no bad guy, just flawed people who didn't work out. It's literally that simple, yet people insist on channeling their own hangups and issues through Tom or Summer.
share@sunsjk It's one thing to say that Tom has some responsibility but it's another to pretend that there wasn't anything problematic about Summers' behavior. I think it's easier to be angrier at Summer than Tom is because Tom is the hopeless romantic. While Summer is more the cynic who doesn't believe in love thus behaves very amorally towards her relationship. I think if the genders were reversed people wouldn't be so quick to bash Tom and defend Summer.
If blame must be assigned (and it seems people do insist on it), then both Tom and Summer are equal in it. Quoting another user:
Summer's actions and words rarely matched up. If you're going on dates with someone and sleeping with them, and at the same time insisting that it isn't a "relationship" and you're "just friends" you're risking creating a confusing situation for your partner. You're free to say one thing and do the other, but you can't create a guessing game for the other person and be blameless when they pick incorrectly.
Tom had ample opportunities to see that Summer was not going to give him the type of relationship he wanted, and he still didn't act on them. He choose infatuation over love because he'd built up an idea in his head that she was the one from the beginning, and he chose to ignore parts of her that didn't fit that ideal. If you're going to create an idealized person of someone, it's not their fault for not living up to it, it is your fault for creating it.
The main example would be when, after their fight, he tells her explicitly "I need consistency from you" and she explicitly responds "I can't give you that." At that point, both of them should have seen that they were not right for the other person, but instead they chose to continue doing what they were doing.
Both of them could have handled the relationship (however you define it) better, both are likely better off with someone else.
I think the best way to assess it is to see how Summer behaved toward him when they weren't together.
She knew he was hung up on her and had stronger feelings than she ever did. But she still invited him to her place without telling him that she was engaged. She danced with him at the wedding and didn't tell him she had a bf. She still visited the park bench that he loved. She was a complete game player.
Sure, relationships are two way. But she was the one who held all the cards. If she didn't want a relationship she should have walked away. Instead she was really reckless with his heart.