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100 Things I Learned From Stranger In My Bed

posted 13 years ago by TrumpIsAHump
5 replies | jump to latest

1. When knocking the boyfriend of your wife unconscious, do it out on a country road, in plain view of several houses, instead of out in the middle of nowhere where said boyfriend is completely comfortable leaving his truck unlocked, because "nobody ever comes out here."

2. When changing your appearance after faking your own death, the only thing you need to do is change your hair color and grow it out a little. Nobody will EVER recognize you!

3. When filling a bathtub full of acid from a few feet away, be careful to use gloves to protect your hands. But when pouring it over a dead rat carcass a few inches away from your hands and face, no such protection is needed.

4. Kill people who have NO CLUE as to what you're up to, just because you're a psycho, and that's the way you roll.

5. Make sure your husband's headlamp is low on batteries, so that it will go dead at the EXACT MOMENT that you slide down the tunnel you selected to fake your own death.

6. And there's no way he'll be able to see anything, even though there is light flooding into the tunnel, that makes it look like the entrance to the cave is only about ten feet away.

7. Faking your own death by dropping into a tunnel in a cave is a great idea. The fact that they never find your body will ensure that there's no way anyone will ever think you faked your own death.

8. After you knock your psycho husband out by hitting him with a chain, leave behind the gun he was going to kill you and your boyfriend with, and don't SHOOT him with said gun, because he's totally unconscious, and couldn't possibly wake up and come after you.

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] ntolabs 13 years ago

11. When planning to fake your own death you plan everything in great detail not leaving any stone unturned to cover your tracks but you leave paperwork of your plans taped to the back of a picture because of course your husband will never move out of the house and while moving take the picture down and find said paperwork thus exposing your plot and allowing him to know for sure that you are still alive so that he can now hunt you down and kill you.

12. When you come home and find that the window beside your front door has been broken and it's obvious someone has broken into your house you leave the front door open, don't fix the window, don't call the police nor anyone else and you go upstairs and take a shower because of course you are safe and nobody is going to come in and get you.

13. You have left your abusive husband and you are now in hiding. You are always watching your back and watching out for anything suspicious just in case he has tracked you down. However one day you all of a sudden keep getting phone call after phone call and no one is on the line but you never suspect that possibly your ex has found out where you are and he is the one calling.

14. You have left your abusive husband and you are being extremely cautious just in case he one day finds you but you don't bother getting a gun, a security system, a dog or some type of defense so that if he does track you down you have some type of protection.

[–] michelleflynn2003 12 years ago

15. Never stash a How to Change Your Identity pamphlet. it will ALWAYS blow your cover.

16. Always ignore a friendly waiter, unless you want to get backhanded on your birthday

[–] 12 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Godchild21 (33) 4 years ago

17. When you’re planning on leaving your abusive husband, you have to be discrete with wiring your money.

18. After leaving a past abusive life, it’s a good idea to give the new people in your new life a heads up if they were to ever see your ex by giving them a picture.

19. Never allow strangers in your house for any reason.

20. Get your money upfront if you’re a detective. Oh and by the way, NEVER meet at the top of a building.