CALL THE COPS THE FATHER HIT HIS SON OMG CHILD ABUSE CHILD ABUSE
WTF I was hit and had soap in my moath when I was little, and are MY parents abusers, am I traumatized, was I forcing soap in my brothers mouth NO, I was fine
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Um how dare you
Im thirteen years old
If you'd like to know
Moron
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The whole POINT that jo was trying to make, and that clearly many people missed was that the kid should understand that they are expected to do as their mother asks because she is their mother and for no other reason and NOT because their mother will put soap in their mouths.
That is the point of every one of jo's techniques. The kids just need to understand that what their parents say is what they have to do because that is the correct thing to do, and not because of any threat of abuse, and poisoning your child, even if only a little, is abusive. It isn't over the top, call childrens services abusive, but it is a form of abuse.
I think a swat on the behind is ok when a child needs it. I mean how many times can you say, "Don't talk back to your mother before you have to?
Another Cog In The Murder Machine
At one point in my life I worked with kids from a variety of different backgrounds, and a variety of different parenting styles. Firstly, as a caregiver, there was absolutely no possibility of the threat of violence, but they did understand that I did have the ability to take away all the really fun stuff to do and make their lives incredibly boring if I needed to. It is actually quite possible to keep even large groups of kids in line without a single threat of physical harm at all.
Home is different from school or what have you, and it can be harder to avoid reaching a breaking point where reason is lost, and emotions take over, but that doesn't change the fact that physical violence on children is not needed to get them to behave.
Established rules that the kids see as fair and that are consistency enforced are essential, or there will be trouble as the kids try to work out what they can get away with today. If they know they always can or cannot get away with something they will behave accordingly. If they think they MIGHT get away with something, they will tend to give it a try, and as they discover that their parents actually know prescious little about what their kids actually do, they try more and more things.
But I digress...Secondly...
When I was working with kids I found it interesting that kids would talk about the WORST punishment their parents ever gave out with the exact same level of fear. That punishment could be getting video games or computers taken away, or a full out bare assed spanking...same result from the kids point of view. Hell, many older kids have been known to express a preference for a spanking over getting something they enjoy taken away for a prolonged period.
I didn't see the assault, but FYI, most of the people who have used drugs (by definition of reality: almost everyone), or been physically disciplined, including those who have used illicit (illegal) drugs, are fine now. Look up the statistics. Drug use does not equal complete disfunction automatically. I know many people who used drugs in the past or were spanked as children, and are as perfect as a person can be now. If you don't learn from your mistakes, you are not learning. I'm not saying hitting a child or illegal drug use is right, but discipline is necessary. Drug use does not equal a life of problems if the drug use is done by prescription or ended. Wake up! If you don't teach your children what is wrong, then you are teaching them that what is actually wrong is right. What is actually wrong is judging someone for their past instead of their present life.
"Maybe we'll all get really sick. And maybe we'll all die... Sooooooooooo, let's build a snowman!" Cannibal! The Musical
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Oh please. If my parents hadn't spanked me when I was a kid (or used the belt for doing REALLY bad things like lying, stealing, or cheating) then I'd be a far more spoiled person now.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
It's true.
The day I turned ten, my mom looked at me and said, "You are too big for spankings now. Let's hope they did you some good."
And they did.
Children are children -- they cannot be reasoned with. They are not capable of understanding reason well. That's why you need to spank them from time to time. So it hurts. Better than raising a spoiled brat.
Parents who don't realize this raise spoiled little brats.
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You can't reason with kids under 5, or not in any meaningfull way. They do, however, respond to simple reason, which is what time outs, if done properly, is all about.
Listen, talk, and do what you are told just because you are told, and not because you will get hit if you do not. One is a much more meaningful form of self control than the other. Good habits formed out of fear of authority are easily broken later in life, and often broken out of spite in a kids teenage years. Fear works, but there are other ways that work just as well, if not better. Replacing spanking with nothing is a really, really bad idea. 90% of all punishments can be dealth with by simple, natural consequences. Kids HATE that kind of thing, because simple natural consequences tend to last longer than a spanking that is over in under a minute usually....hopefully. The problem is that simple natural consequences usually involve a lot more effort.
Kids that are 5 or older actually respond to reason really well...better than many adults really. Most kids will just do whatever they need to do that is the easiest way for them to get what they want. In some cases it involves risking getting into trouble, and people take risks for what they want, even kids. If you are an inconsistent parent, your kids will take a chance that today they can get away with it. If the kid knows which rules are going to be enforced strictly without exception, they will not take the risk.
Then there is the other side of the coin. The kid has to have a PROPER way to deal with everything, or to get what they want. If the ONLY way they have to get what they want is to throw a fit, then that is what they will learn gets them what they want, rather than good behaviour.
Too many parents, in my experience, just put their kids off as long as possible until they HAVE to deal with them, and that is one of the biggest causes of bad behaviour I have seen. Negative attention is still attention, and if kids are feeling ignored or sidelined or that they are not being treated fairly they are more than capable of making life difficult for their parents, as we have seen on this show over and over and over again.
First of all, Spare the rod, spoil the child IS NOT IN THE BIBLE.
It is in fact in a poem.
Second of all, I just don't understand what is meant by "bad".
My mother would hit me for things like leaving out bottles of ketchup or screaming about wanting to go to McDs. I only lived with her a small part of the time, but I can't say being hit for things like that did much good.
There has to be a better way to deal with children. Children are people. A lot of things they do that are considered bad are developmental. Most folks don't seem to get this.
So they hit and punish and hit and it doesn't make any sense....
Especially when they are not lookign at things from the kid's perspective at all.
When you hit a child it shows that the adult has lost control of the situation. I work as a nanny and I have never had to resort to spanking to make them listen. One thing I will never forget is working with a family where the mother was an alcoholic. That little boy was absolutely filled with terror when she would come to hit him for whatever infraction. I remember him shrieking at the top of his lungs "help me daddy".
So go ahead and hit your kids. If you think they learn something valuable from it your wrong. All they learn is fear-not respect.
And before you say the child is a spoiled brat he is in fact extremely well-behaved around me. It's only when he's around his mother that he starts slipping
hopessilverlight said: When you hit a child it shows that the adult has lost control of the situation. I work as a nanny and I have never had to resort to spanking to make them listen.
Honest question: Since you aren't a relative of the children you care for, are you even legally allowed to spank? Some places have very strict rules about such as that. Even a grandparent, aunt, or uncle spanking can be iffy.
However, I do agree with you that spanking is a sign of the adult losing control. Often other disciplinary action is much more effective, too, such as the adult giveth (privileges) and the adult taketh away (privileges).
My mom did the whole spanking and soap in the mouth think, or sometimes she made me stand in a corner facing the wall for over an hour, after the spanking. I have pretty bad relationship with her I love her but we don't get along and I don't really respect her (not a nice way to feel about your mother), and as a child I was angry and swore at her and did anything I could to piss her off, because of the way she treated me. My dad on the other hand would explain things to me and I listened, I did what he said because he was my father and I wanted to treat him well, because he did the same to me. I have a very close relationship with my father even now that I"m in my twenties.
I don't think hitting a child does anything but harm.
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"However, I do agree with you that spanking is a sign of the adult losing control. Often other disciplinary action is much more effective, too, such as the adult giveth (privileges) and the adult taketh away (privileges)."
Smacking should always be the absolute last resort, but in no way does it mean that a parent smacking their child has lost control. The child is the one who's lost control, and if a light whack on the backside helps them regain control then so be it.
I'm continually annoyed by the weakness of the majority of parents featured on this show. NO child starts out bad, they are a product of their upbringing. Half the dads on this show have zero interest in their own children or support their frazzled wives who are stuck at home tearing their hair out because of their kids behavior. Why have kids in the first place if you're not going to put in the time and effort to bring them up right? There are so many disinterested dads, it blows me away. Even if the wives have husbands that arn't into their children, if they allow them to act violently towards them and others, kick holes in walls, run into traffic and what have you, they are weak. That's what it comes down too. Once upon a time these children weren't like that, it is the parents fault and they are the ones who need the help, not the children. I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for parents who allow their children to do undesirable things because they don't want to see them cry, throw a tantrum etc.
Getting back to the smacking issue, IMO it's perfectly fine to do so for a children over 3 or so years, toddler and younger aged children do not understand, there is simply no point. Anything over that age is fine, but only if absolutely necessary. So many parents abuse their power, and then it doesn't work. To the poster who's quote I've included, I've only ever smacked a child once or twice, and I can assure you I was in complete control and extremely calm. But it comes down to, if you are fair and consistent with your behavior management plan and are confident with what you do, you should never have a problem with your children.
When you hit a child it shows that the adult has lost control of the situation.
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Yeah, my dad spanked me VERY VERY hard. Like a "you won't be able to sit down for a week spank." Sometimes he used a belt. If I spank my kid, it would NEVER come close to something like I had.
shareAs a teacher, I can assure you, you're wrong.
Children are people. First and formost they are people!! I have always used a good rule of thumb. If I wouldn't treat a peer a certain way, I shouldn't treat a child that way. If I was to slap my spouse, even if he "deserved it", if he wanted to he could press charges and it would be considered assult. Furthermore if he hit me, I don't think there are many people on the board that would think that is acceptable.
Why does it then make sense to hit a child who is 1/2 your size?
I hate the arguement that "I was spanked, and I'm fine now". So many other people were spanked and are not. Peer reviewed studies have clearly shown that while you are right, spankings do not necessarily lead to disfunctional individuals, they are also not the most effective parenting tool. I can say the same idea. I was never spanked and I'm an educated young woman, with a strong family life. Does that prove that all people that are spanked will be the opposite? Of course not. Does it prove that all people who aren't spanked will be the same as myself? Of course not.
I do not consider all parents that spank abusive. I don't think they should automatically have their children taken away, but I also don't think spankings are necessary. Here is an idea, most kids misbehave because they are bored. Turn off the T.V., turn off the computer, turn of the gameboys. Pull out a board game and spend time with your child!!
For those who did not see it, but still are responding.,,as the father was sleeping, the little one, maybe 2 or 3 came up to him and touched him on the shoulder, and he swung his arm out and hit him in the head so hard, he fell back and fell on the floor. I am surprised after both Nanny and his wife watched the tape with him, they allowed him to stay in the house and did not notify any authorities. I know many of us were hit as children growing up, but that did not make it right. I did spank my kids on there butts, but never on their faces! There is a difference between a swat on the rear, and knocking a little kid on their ass with your hand hitting them in the face.
shareIf iwas rude growing up my parents beat the *beep* out of me, done me the world of good. KIds of today don't get that, which is why they have no respect for anything or anyone!
Go on PC brigade, jump on me......
We're gonna find out who's the Thing!
R J MacReady
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I did'nt say they have to be spanked/smacked i said it does'nt do them any harm to learn some respect, most no, nearly all kids of today lack respect.
We're gonna find out who's the Thing!
R J MacReady
I'm not trying to be rude, but by any chance, how many kids to you interact with on a daily bases? Are you just going off of what you see on TV and what you're looking to see?
shareThere is a thin line between child abuse and giving your child whoopings/spankings/whatever you want to call it. I believe that in any case if you leave whelps, bruises, cuts or any distinguishable marks its abuse, anything less is discipline. Personally I do not believe that time outs and groundings are the best way of disciplining a child, especially not technology savvy kids of today. Can you honestly tell me that if your child steals from you/a store, you're gonna give them a time out? If you kid gets mad at you in a store and starts throwing stuff around in the store, you're gonna "ground" them? More serious punishments are a REQUIREMENT, and cannot be disgarded.
shareI am a strong believer that if a child is misbehaving there is usually a reason for it (and for whatever reason, that action seems reasonable to them at that moment. I have a 1 year old, and a 4 year old step-son, who lives with my husband and I.
My husband and I agreed that we were not going to spank our children. I am a teacher, and honestly spanking goes against every educational technique and philosohpy I have been taught. And before I get accused, no these techniques do not only work in a book or on paper. From my experience, the best thing you can do with a child, is try to understand why they are doing something. If my son is throwing a temper tantrum, why is he throwing it, and why does he think this is the best way to get what he wants. The one and ONLY time my son has thrown a massive temper tantrum in a store, was honestly my fault. I very unwisely took my son while running errands. We had lunch on the go, and skipped nap time. By the last store, he was exhausted, I was pretty tired myself, and he threw a tantrum after being told to put something back. Was it okay for him to throw a fit, of course not, but he felt that was the best way to get my attention, and to some extent it worked. I picked him up, took him home (after yelling in the car for about 2min, he passed out in his car seat) and put him to bed. From his point of view the only way he could communicate with me at that point was through a tantrum.
I think you are right that especially with technology savvy kids of today do add extra challenges. I think thats all the more reason its important that parents talk to their kids. That is what is really being lost. From day one (when I came into my son's life) my husband and I have treated him with respect and dignity, we do the same with our daughter. We have used time outs, but we explain the reason certain behavior is not exceptable, beyond just saying "no". Even with our daughter, even though she may not fully understand the reason, beyond just understanding "no", by talking to her, we at least also teach her language skills.
I don't condemn parents that spank, and I would never tell another person how to raise their child. I do think however that spanking is the most effective for the parent, and requires the least amount of work for the parent. I do not think it is necessarily more effective.
There is a thin line between child abuse and giving your child whoopings/spankings
No, there's really not. It's a big, fat black line that is very clear.
Physical discipline has its place, for a time. Done correctly, it works. A child too young to reason understands pain. Touching hot stove = painfully burned skin. Thumping the back of a child's hand brings a cause/effect that their mind doesn't comprehend but their body understands.
To honestly abuse a child takes effort and manic energy.
As a teacher, I see too many parents wanting to be friends of their children, almost afraid to have their child dislike them. They have spoiled, rude kids. I can't spank them, of course, but I don't tolerate disrespect and I have clear expectations and boundaries. They can treat me better than their own Mom at times! Like anything, it takes consistent effort to maintain those boundaries, which requires work. It's not for the weak but too many give in, hence, the whiny brat for a child.
Incidentally, this boundaries principle also works on crazy ex-spouses and toxic parents.
Cursing is a crutch for the communicationally-challenged.
It always amazes me when people say stuff like this. It seems like every generation thinks the same thing. That as kids they were better.
I realized how incorrect this was when I went to my high school's recent 100th anniversary dinner. It was really neat actually. I graduated in 2000, and I was sitting with a man that graduated in 1954. The stories he was telling about the pranks his brother and he did, sounded like the exact same stuff that my brother would have done.
This whole flippin show is just as fake as they come. The Nanny does not have any kids herself so just knowing that would be a reason why I would never ask her advice because she has no EXPERIENCE! No time out does not always work, In my eyes it does not work at all! With some kids it does not make sense to do the right thing if they know that there will be no consecquence for doing the wrong thing except sit in a room alone for 5 to 10 min wich does not mean anything. The kid will not think about what he or she did wrong, they will just think about what other mischeif they are going to get into when their time out is up. Me and my siblings were all spanked and swated, We are all stable functional adults now and we love our parents. A child can learn a lot more with the right amount of pain administered then they can by just sitting alone in a corner for a little bit.
Live your own life, for you will die your own death.
yes, he did swat his kid. it's not at all surprising to see that a bad parent has bad parenting skills.
shareI got swatted when I was a kid. Served me right. I did something stupid, got hit, didn't do it anymore. the system works.
We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.
a nanny partially rases other peoples kids and has to emplement discpline in the times she has those kids. so yes jo is qualified to help. between super nanny and nanny 911. it seems the nannyas no more about rasing the kids than the parents do. shows how bad society really is.
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