MovieChat Forums > The Secret Life of Bees (2008) Discussion > Seriously? No love for T Ray?

Seriously? No love for T Ray?

posted 16 years ago by JBMovies123
36 replies | jump to latest

After watching this movie, the first thing I thought was how T. Ray completely the short end of the stick in all this. He falls madly in love, and then for no reason his woman falls OUT of love with him, but "has" to marry him because she is pregnant. She ditches him, then comes back and is killed while trying to leave him for good WITH the daughter. Yes, he is a little hard on Lily w/ the grits stuff (not as bad as the belt strap talk we heard later from August, let's get some perspective on the times they were living in people), but perhaps he was concerned about his daughter doing to another boy what her mom did to him. Plus, this daughter KILLED the woman he loved, so yeah, there are some resentment issues there.

T Ray's life clearly falls apart when she is not around, so he goes and finds her and wants to bring her HOME. He has some major abandonment issues, and while his daughter does finally show she understands why life has been so rough on him and what he went through, she STILL sh*ts on him and refuses to come back with him. For that one small moment, it wasn't all about Lily, and then that moment is immediately gone. She doesn't even have the decency/respect to call him dad or father. She *beep* calls him T Ray!

I came on the boards after the movie, as I usually do, hoping to see that others felt the same way I did, but NO ONE DID. Please tell me there are people out there who felt bad for T Ray in all this!

I am by no means a troll and love IMDB, but SERIOUSLY, NO ONE felt bad for him?!?!?!

[–] fsufan23-1 16 years ago

Absolutely I felt love for T-Ray. But it was pretty obvious why Lily didn't. She never felt like he loved her. He was never Daddy to her. Just T-Ray. But, yeah, he'd had it rough. Nobody loved him either. That's all either of them wanted, but they just couldn't show it. He did finally show it when he left her with the Boatwrights because he knew she was better off there. That last scene when she asked if her mother was coming back for her and he said yeah but I never told you the truth because she wasn't coming back for me says it all...

[–] Tracy3686 15 years ago

No I felt no love for T Ray AT ALL. After watching the movie, I thought he was the biggest scumbag on earth. Sorry.

[–] laneym10 16 years ago

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean! the poor guy was rough but I think in the end Lily finally realizes how much it hurt him. Even though she didn't go with him, I think that was the better option for both of them, because she was finally getting the love he couldn't give.

[–] thaivietphan 16 years ago

yeah, T-Ray was definitely a tragic character! he makes me so sad watching him and i think the actor did a really good job showing all the resentment, angry, and lonliness he felt.

[–] lanaisthehbomb 16 years ago

I got love for T-Ray, he was robbed and he felt like he had a hole in him. It doesn't give him the right to act in the way he did but the way I see it Debora was just as bad. She too did the wrong thing.

The difference was it took him 10 years to make it right.

[–] cgd3207 16 years ago

We don't know why Deborah left him. If they were in love at one point, it's entirely possible that he did something that changed her mind. It's not unheard of for men to present one aspect of themselves while courting, and then become much more possessive/controlling when they are sure of the relationship. His ongoing behavior towards Lily makes this a real possibility. And yeah, Deb could've been a flake herself. But whatever the case, he made a classic mistake in trying to turn Lily against her mother.

And I think he's more than a 'little hard' on Lily. She could have forgiven him many mistakes if she had felt loved by him; but she didn't. Whatever was going on inside him -- however much pain he felt -- what he showed his daughter was possessiveness, not love. And you forget an important point when you write about Lily not doing this or doing that: SHE'S the KID HERE. HE'S the GROWNUP *and* the PARENT. He's SUPPOSED to model mature, loving behavior for HER.

Maybe he was just terminally weak and insecure, and couldn't rise above what happened between him and his wife, and make a new life based around love for his daughter. In that case I feel sorry for him, but much much sorrier for her. And there's very little to like about him - his treatment toward Rosaleen's pretty crappy, too.

[–] margarida_saramago 16 years ago

i get what you mean... i felt really bad for t ray as well. his wife left him/died and his daughter still thinks that her mother was perfect and that t ray is the bad guy. the punishments are a bit too extreme, yes, but normal in the 50's and 60's. he's just mad hurt, his life didn't treat him well and he resents it. he's a totally misunderstood character :)

Who's fighting and what for?

[–] Squishington2005 15 years ago

Even when reading the book I felt for T. Ray. He seemed like he was sweet deep down.

"If he truly loved her he'd let her hit the pavement."-The Big Bang Theory

[–] rebekel 15 years ago

T-Ray was a tragic character, but he inspried no sympathy in me. I saw no evidence of sweetness, "deep down" or otherwise. I could understand that life's circumstances might result in an inability to show love, but outright malice and cruelty is inexcusable. Whatever the circumstances of Lily's mother's leaving, it was simply cruel for T-Ray to tell the child her mother didn't care about her. T-Ray was acting out of possessiveness and power - not love - when he tried to keep his wife from leaving and when he went to find Lily.

[–] always_keep_fighting 15 years ago

Nope, no love for T-Ray from me. Sure, he got hurt, and yes, he lost his wife and eventually his daughter. But he was a GROWN MAN, and father to a traumatized little girl. If his best parenting skills were to make her kneel on uncooked grits and use a strap on her when he was pissed off, he doesn't deserve love. He may not have been the sharpest tool in the shed, but any father worth two bits knows how to love their daughter.
I loved this movie, by the way. And I think all the actors in it did a great job, including Paul Bettany, one of my favorite actors. He did a great job portraying a real a$$hole.

BIH Michael Jackson. The world is a little safer for kids now.

[–] rmcrae_deluxe 15 years ago

I felt no love for T Ray either. I understand why he acted the way he did and that it came from a place of pain, but he was horrible to Lily. Like another poster pointed out, he told her that her mother only came back to get the rest of her things and she never loved her. That's extremely cruel and he wanted her to hurt as much as he did. It worked out for the best that he left her with the Boatwright sisters.

Don't eva let nobody tell you you ain't strong enough

[–] MsAnthropy 15 years ago

I find it kind of odd that the issue of straight-up domestic abuse isn't really being considered a big factor. It's true that we only see him strike his wife while she's clearly attempting to leave with the child, but how do we know he wasn't doing it habitually? (This is, of course, unless the book makes it clear that he wasn't; I haven't read it.)

He's obviously quite comfortable being physically aggressive with Lily as well, although he shows her more indifference than anything else.

I agree with those who feel he's a great tragic character (keep in mind, "tragedy" historically means bad things happening to good people and ultimately causing a destructive course of action), and everybody knows no person is all good or all bad, so of course there is/was some good in him. However, I didn't feel much sympathy for him in terms of his relationship with Lily. Resentment I would understand; outright cruelty isn't excusable just because bad things happened to him, too.

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I'll be whatever I want to do!

[–] hppg 15 years ago

It's funny because I'm often not usually sympathetic for bad fathers, I mean really, really not, but this one really made me feel sorry for him.

He thought his wife left for another man probably, didn't he? They were unclear on how much abuse was going on before, I dont' remember if they mentioned it or not...but it was pretty clear he was hurt by her leaving, then Lily killing her, he obviously held some deep-seated resement towards Lily. And he looked everywhere to find the wife, he was upset when he saw Lily with the necklace, he seemed sad rather than angry. And made a good choice with Lily at the end. I felt really sad for him!