A question about Brooke's fears - The Brooke Ellison Story (2004) Discussion

[–] deepjadedcoral 19 years ago

I had the same reaction when I watched the story. I think I have felt everything she felt with regards to the whole dating thing. I guess I wonder if I actually fall in love with someone, is it really fair to put them in a position where I am dependant on them.

I use a ventilator at night, and have a trach, but I can breathe without the vent during the day by just carrying a little backpack with a O2 tank in it so I am able to get around still and drive and go to work and stuff but there are still things I have to have help with.

Anwyays, I am almost 25 and had the trach for almost 3 years, and so far no dating stuff going on. Who knows. I see other people meet and fall in love with bigger medical issues than I have so I dunno.

Anyways, it was cool to randomly come across someone that I can relate to what they are going through!!

Take care!

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[–] DearRicky 19 years ago

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean and I have thought of the selfishness in basically asking someone to take care of you by having a relationship. I mean it is obviously a significant part of the relationship. Then again, it is also up to that person so maybe it is not so selfish.

Sometimes I think of the reasons as to why I want to walk again and a part of me just wants to walk so I can give a little hope to someone like myself and of course, I’m not talking about just a one night stand, but really falling in love. After all, nothing is impossible if you let yourself, you know?

And speaking of which, that is also an issue, the “letting” aspect of it if you know what I mean because I have asked someone before and she said she would not allow herself to fall in love with someone who is physically disabled, sort of like an emotional block, which made me think…

Let’s just say hope is all we can have (lol)!

Anyway, I find it odd how you of all people came across my post here, especially when I had not expected a response at all. I’m also 24 and I have been using a trach for 6 years.

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[–] deepjadedcoral 19 years ago

Strange how those things happen. I don't know what made me thing of it to check it out. I usually check the message boards of some of my favorite shows but something reminded me of that movie. Gosh, when I saw the part where the guy she liked e-mailed her or something to say that he was engaged or something ( I can't remember exactly) I got teary eyed. LOL

I keep thinking that girls would be more accepting of disabilities than guys but I think that is just my bias. Actually, one place where I do some volunteer work, there are times when it is me and about 8 other guys and to hear them talk about what they look for in a girl lets me know I would never stand a chance!! OF course they are being a little unrealistic, but it is annoying nontheless!! LOL

But really as far as the significant other, who knows both of us could find a way to make a bunch of money to pay someone for the help we need and maybe then we will have to start turning away offers for dates because we will be all booked up for the year! haha

Anways, take care!!

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[–] DearRicky 19 years ago

Hmmm… well it is rather strange how you were motivated to check these message boards. I’m glad you did because it is not often for one to encounter someone you are able to relate to. If this movie got you teary eyed though, you should definitely not watch ‘The Notebook’, haha.

But that is kind of funny how you think girls would be more accepting because I always thought guys would be more accepting! It is such a weird realisation knowing you think the complete opposite. I know what you mean about the expectations when it comes to what people look for in a significant other and it’s like you are watching others live their lives while you are somewhere else, somewhere.

The way I see it, having such expectations does not say much about the guy anyway because obviously, they are not looking for romance, just lust. When you fall in love with someone, she automatically becomes the most beautiful woman in the world, even if she is a mess and when you fall in love with someone, the only thing you desire is her heart, you know? Expectations are always unrealistic in the sense of love. I mean after all, love is never logical. It just… happens!

And yeah, if only I had a billion dollars. If only in Monopoly money maybe! LOL

Have a great evening…

Ricky

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[–] deepjadedcoral 19 years ago

I always end up checking this about 10 minutes after you post! LOL

Too late about the Notebook, that was a good movie but very depressing. A long time ago, life expeactancy was alot shorter than it is nowadays. When people pledge their lives to one another, they pretty much knew that that was about 20 years together, and then after that something usually happened. So nowadays when you say I do, unless something freaky happens you have a good 40-50 years to be together, that is if you married around your 20's. Sounds a little more overwhelming. Medical advances are great, but one of the side effects of living to a ripe old age is the higher risk of things like Alzheimers or dementia. Definitly not the nicest way to go. I mean, i face physical limitations everyday, but as long as my mind works I seem to do ok. Your mind is what carries your personality and such, without it, basically what happens to the body doesn't matter a whole lot. SO while I can't do push-ups or run a mile, I am always excercising my mind!! As you can see now as I ramble on without really a point. Anyways, I have taken a peek at your website thingy and it is pretty cool. I have one as well (it is listed in my profile) if you ever want to check it out. I have been sorta busy lately so I haven't updated as much as I usually do, and my camera recently got stolen so I haven't added too many pictures. But I am hoping to get one tommorow. ANyways, have a great night!!

Tara (deepjadedcoral)

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[–] DearRicky 19 years ago

Well, it looks like you’re the only one responding (lol). I wrote you a private message just now instead…

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 19 years ago

I'm sorry to barge in on your conversation, but I couldn't help but read what you two were discussing. I just watched THE BROOKE ELLISON STORY and was also very touched by the treatment of that "Jan" guy -- I was pissed really, and call him an 'a-hole' lol. And then I cried as well - :)

On a personal note:
Deepjade... i checked out your site and read a part of your blog that said your mother and father are trying to quit smoking.
My mother died in 2003 due to small cell lung cancer, caused by prolonged smoking. She was only about 53 when she died in hospice care, paralized from the waist down from a slipped disc that had pinched a nerve -- all due from a tumer in her spine that hadn't been caught after tests lead everyone to assume she was in remission. I hope and pray that your parents attempt to quit is a clear success! :)

I also wanted to say that I too was born in 1981, and so being young would like to commend you on your strength to keep going. I thought life was hard to keep going through without a mother... :(

Basta-- I have much kudos to you as well..

I work as a State Tested Nursing Assistant, and it is SO good to see people really try to do things for themselves instead of let the sadness get to them -- keep pushing and going forward, both of you, and keep trying! and keep your eyes and heart open ... there just might be a man in your future... if YOU believe that anything is possible, then anything can happen. The minute you stop believing is the minute you stop seeing miracles happen.

And life can't be lived like that.

love,
Kristy "Kat"
PS - sorry for the novella (lol)

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] DearRicky 19 years ago

There is only one way to live life and it’s to never give up, even if you have no idea of what you’re fighting for anymore. If I were to give up on love, I might as well give up on life.

You see I’ve been searching for answers for a long time, for my entire life actually and you know what I found? It’s not about fulfilling my dreams of walking again or to hope to live a better life by not letting my physical disability get the better of me. I’ve had many shattered dreams in my life and yet, it makes no difference because no matter what, the dream of love simply continues to exist…

I’ve been searching for ways to touch a woman’s heart without the need to reach her face with my fingertips and I will. I have to and in my eyes, giving up is never an option and it’s only logical to choose life instead of sorrow.

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 19 years ago

Ricardo- i really pray that all works out for you, and commend you for your efforts to touch a woman's heart w/o having to touch her face physically. Not many men do that :( I think more men should do that, physically disabled or not. A man who can't emotionally become in tune enough, or spiritually aware enough, to touch a woman's heart is emotionally or spiritually disabled, in my eyes - though.

:)

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] DearRicky 19 years ago

And Kristy, you’re absolutely right because without a spiritual or emotional connection, you just exist in a relationship with someone and being alone is much better than being alone in a relationship.

To define oneself as a man is to find your definition in the way you love a woman and it’s about your desire to discover and rediscover her heart again and again. It’s about finding beauty, even when she feels a mess and to surrender yourself to the desire of understanding her completely.

If you cannot exceed the limitations of society’s standards in romance and let her become your reason to redefine your redefinition of love, then it’s not being a man.

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 19 years ago

"If you cannot exceed the limitations of society’s standards in romance and let her become your reason to redefine your redefinition of love, then it’s not being a man. "

wow - very well put, Ricardo... :)

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] deepjadedcoral 19 years ago

Hey there, thanks for the response. Sorry it seemed like I have fallen off the planet. The good news is that my parents have actively started to quit smoking. They know they can't do it cold turkey so they are working their way down. They also use those patches thingys. I have learned not to make a big deal about it or ask too many questions because I don't want them to feel pressure from me or stress. They usually tell me when they are proud of the fact that they went from smoking a pack a day to only 2 cigs in one day so maybe this time they will succeed!

Also, my Mother was my rock, and my strength so really I don't think I would be as upbeat today if I had lost my mother at some point. I think losing a parent is a much harder thing to overcome than a physical limitation. So I commend you on your strength and courage and feel for your loss.

Hope all is well!!

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 19 years ago

deep-
"So I commend you on your strength and courage and feel for your loss."-
Thanks. :) I still do a lot of grieving when I get way stressed. Sometimes I just think it all would be easier to get through if I had ONE person who at least listened to me instead of saying things like "you need to do this and do this and stop doing this" and acting like I'm not good enough. :sigh: She was always there for me and now I have basically no one who REALLY is there for me. I had a very open and wonderful relationship with her - now any movie doing with anyone dying (no matter the cause) or movies w/ a good mother/daughter relationship and stuff I cry :( lol
"Mirrormask" does that to me too, and it's a family fantasy movie lol
I'm glad your parents are doing so good at quitting. My mom had to cold turkey her habit when she was suddenly put in hospice, so that it was her 2nd try, but it was more like a 'have to' situation. They didn't have a wheelchair for her to get outside to smoke a ciggy, so she hated it when my step dad came to visit her and he went out to smoke - she said she felt a little envious, but... She seemed like she was doing pretty good. :)

Hopefully they quit totally and don't fall off the wagon again, so to speak (can you say that about anything you quit or JUST alcohol? lol)
:)))

Kristy "Kat"

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] Glittergirl1689-2 18 years ago

Hi i just wanted to say that when i saw the Brooke E story the one scene i related to the most was when she said who would ever love her to take of her except her mother (which btw reminds me of my own mom) I always thought (& still think) that i will never find some1 who will love me that much.

My name is Rebecca \/ i'm 16 (17 in 22 days) I have sma (Spinal Muscular Atrophy)I don't (never did) walk. I was born 2 months early with no problems. I was diagnosed @ 10 mts. Doctor said i wouldn't live past 3yrs old Look @ me now haha (I went 2 public school until i was 12 & am now homeschooled b/c my disability worsned. I had a bipap & @ 14 i had 3 surgeries in 2mts. A tracheostomy (sorry about my spelling) a g-tube inserted & a spinal infusion. (<- they put metal in my spine) My nerves went in2 shock & developed a sering pain in my right shoulder & now i'm on constant medication. I'm sorry if i'm boring u i just wanted 2 explain my situation It takes @ least an hour & a half 2 go sumwhere.

I dont think anybody is gonna want me. Especially since i'm not that pretty. My disability also conflics having kids (just thinking ahead) so...

On the + side: i'm in 10th grade An A & B student & i want 2 go 2 college & become a vetrinarian.

Wish me Luck in that

***Rebecca***Darn you, darn you to heck

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[–] phild45 18 years ago

Hi gamergirl17,

My mother died on June 27,1998 at 10:01 PM in the Palliative Care ward of the Misericordia Community Hospital here in Edmonton. The hospital is located next door to the enormous West Edmonton Mall. Her last words to me were:"Behave Yourself". Her cancer started in her lungs and the tumor was the size of a kiwi fruit, which then mestasized to her brain and grew to the size of a baseball. She was given 4-12 months to live and she lived 5 months.

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 18 years ago

Phild-
I'm sorry to hear that it had gone to her brain. Did the doctor's give her preventative radiation to make sure it wouldn't go to her brain? They did that on my mom, supposedly, since they said after chemo they noticed people went into remmision but ended up getting it in their brains, but NOT if they did preventative radiation on their brains.... and my mom still ended up getting it in her brain. I know she did, just about, because of how strange she was acting/talking... talking about little bugs on her (which weren't on her) and talking about something about tickets (something about not having them and having told my stepdad to tell me not to see her b/c she didn't have them)... It was just sad. But she was out of it with drugs when she went.

Did your mom die without any pain at least? I hope so... that's the only thing I'm grateful of other than the fact that she got what she wanted... the only two people she wanted to be there were there (and no one else), and she died painlessly :)

Hopefully your mom also got to live out the last of her days the way she wanted. For instance, they insisted my mom turn on either side (extreme side b/c of the pressure sore on her coccyx), but she said she refused b/c that's no way of life - she couldn't do anything she liked doing in bed lying on her side... she at least got to live her days the way she wanted. :)

:)

Kristy "kat"

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] foxielady 18 years ago

I wanted to let all of you know, I am 46 and I honestly never thought I would meet a guy and even consider getting married. Ive always been heavy, been told I was pretty but what is pretty? I never thought I was. I lost both my parents to cancer within a three year period and went through it myself. I have to use a walker, and use a wheelchair now to get around. I am totally in love and happy. I have some medical issues and this man has now stuck with me for five years. He carts me around to get to the doctors, holds my hand and head when I cry, puts up with depression and anxiety of facing fears. NEVER did I think I would have someone that loved me for me..and I do. WE have good times too when we laugh so hard we just about cannot breath. Today I had to have a driving test because of my disabilities. I felt humiliated because Ive been driving since I was 16 but because I am disabled, you know the score. And he took me there, helped me get set up in the drivers seat and told me to pass that test. He has asked me to marry him several times, and I keep thinking he is gonna leave me because who would want to stick it out with a gal like this. But he tells me every day he loves me. Anyway, it happened for me so it can happen for you. It is the best kind of love because it isn't built just on looks or sex, it is built on who we each are as people. Confidence and good humor are sexier then anything you have physically. If the other person cannot see that, then too bad for them. Always have that hope, do not let it die. At the same time, be whole as you are. Thats how love happened to me, I decided not to look anymore but to be happy in who I was. Immediately this man came into my life, as if God or the spirit in the sky said here you go!! You have everything within you to be happy and whole and fullfilled. And if that special person comes into your life its the cherry on top of the sundae!

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 18 years ago

foxie-
I'm definitely glad you found someone! People without disabilities never get so lucky. At least you'll have SOME happiness in your life- :)

'kat'

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] phild45 18 years ago

Hi gamergirl17,

My mom's cancer started growing undetected in 1996 just before my nephew was born. During a weekend stay with her, she suffered a 2 minute long micro-seizure followed by a 15 minute long Grand-Mal seizure and the total length of the seizure: 17 minutes 15.45 seconds. I showed the time to a firefighter from EFD Station 21 and he said that will be the all-time record. She did die painlessly but did not remember my sister in fact she barely remembered me.

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 18 years ago

I'm sorry to hear of her loss of memory. I'm thoroughly surprised my mother didn't openly say she couldn't remember certain people. She remarried my stepfather while she was in hospice, so he could put her on his insurance to help pay for the bills.... and she looked really confused as she looked around at everyone. It was strange, but she never came right out and said "Who are you?"

But I'm glad to hear your mother died without pain :)

"I'm a Buddhist - In case of accident, call a Lama" (The Ninth Configuration)

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[–] phild45 18 years ago

Hi gamergirl17,

I disappeared for a while, because I picked up a new job working on the Edmonton Queen Riverboat. I was earning $10.50/hour washing dishes and it was not easy doing it in 90 Degree heat when you work with 120 Degree water along with a 180 Degree sanitizer. We had an eventful voyage one night. During our cruise, a woman went swimming in the North Saskatchewan River and disappeared and when we returned to Rafter's Landing the EFD Water Rescue was waiting for us along with people from EMS Stations 16,24,26,13 and 42 and EFD Stations 21,22,1 and 5 One of the firemen recognized me from my 911 call at 5:32 PM on Saturday March 22, 1998 when I called them because of my mom's seizure. I was laid off yesterday after the entire kitchen staff but me quit.

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 18 years ago

Sorry to hear about being laid off... That always sucks.
Glad the lady lived... That does sound very eventful, what's even more so is how all those people quit

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard" (req. line 4 the recent 48hr film challenge regionally)

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[–] phild45 18 years ago

Hi gamergirl 17,

The woman that went swimming did not live; her body was found 2 days later in Strathcona County and it turns out she was 3 months pregnant and had a blood alcohol reading of .16 (Canada's legal limit is .08)

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[–] MorbidKittyProductions 18 years ago

:( sorry to hear that Phild45

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard" (req. line 4 the recent 48hr film challenge regionally)

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[–] ibewolfett 18 years ago

For Ricky and Dee, Don't know if you guys even go to this board anymore, but I like ,Jean Ellison believe there is someone for everyone. I have a friend who is taking his friend to Beijing she is a quad on a vent as a result of a diving accident, so maybe the break through is closer than we think. If you need a couple to show how it is really done look no further,Police Officer Steven McDonald was a NYC undercover officer on patrol when a 14 year old boy shot him and rendered him a quad on a vent. He was at the time a newlywed, married for only 7 months with a pregnant wife. Their courage, their can do attitude was truly a remarkable story to watch unfold. Stevens wife Patti Ann has stuck beside him through think and thin. Those marriage vows of sickness and in health played out very quickly in their marriage. As far as I know they are now married over 20 years and from all accounts happy. They chose early on to forgive the boy that shot him, although PattiAnn stated this was a little more difficult for her in the beginning, and really who could blame her. That boy was released from prison and subsequently was killed in an accident. Det. McDonald did have a correspondence with him before his death and let him know that he forgave him....so there are good, wonderful people out there. In my opinion PattiAnn would have married Steven had this accident happened before the marriage. That is only my opinion, but if you have seen any coverage on this remarkable couple you would probably agree. Keep the faith, God Bless you both!!!!

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[–] MelissaMLeiman 18 years ago

Brooke's fears? Are you talking about the dorm scene where she asks her mom "what man will ever want me?" If so, thats normal. Every girl goes through that once in their lives. On the disability end, She's a normal person just on a ventilator/paralyzed because of an accident. I don't think she meant want HER I think she meant want to/be able to (physically) CARE FOR her. It is a lot on one person. (if you watch the interview with Brooke after the movie, she says so). I'm not sure in what context Brooke was thinking in but I can tell you YES that scene really did happen. Brooke told me there was a few scenes that didn't happen in real life (i.e. "STOP TORTURING ME!")

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[–] red_rackham_77 18 years ago

Hey, I read your post and I did see the movie (loved it a lot), I just wanted to tell you that there is someone out there that loves you enough to care for you and be there for you. I know because I believe in love and I will tell you right here and now, if your are as cute as I imagine that you are, honey I am here (winking at you with a bright smile)

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[–] DearRicky 18 years ago

Yeah, you know despite my doubts when it comes to romance, I cannot help but believe in love because really, what is life without love? It’s refreshing to know you believe in it just as well…
In any case, feel free to give me a buzz any time, lol… ;)

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[–] red_rackham_77 18 years ago

Well Brad Pitt is hot, orlando bloom is hot and all those hollywood hot studs but I look for brains then looks. If a guy likes interesting books other then self-help books and doesn't smoke then I am there.

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[–] skfzaidi 18 years ago

That was somewhat off topic

I think true love isn't blind...it just looks at what truly matters...and the fact that someone is short, ugly, tall, skinny, fat, or anything at all doesn't matter, when it's the personality you have to stick with for the rest of your life. I've been in love, and I would be willing to do anything for the person I love. I don't care if he's injured or in any way disabled. What I love is him. Nothing else. And that, is all that matters.

Ain't love grand?

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[–] kgirly19 13 years ago

I have SMA2 (Spinal Muscular Attrophy) and although I am young (17) I totally understand... Ironically a boy I have feelings for also has a type muscular dystrophy he is in better shape than I am.

One thing I worry about is when I'm older and married I need to be turned in the night, use a Bi-PAP, and disposable briefs.... and I think "oh isn't that attractive?" It can get depressing.

"Out of all the things I've lost in my life, I think I miss my mind the most."
-Mark Twain

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[–] lm362 9 years ago

I am disabled, but I can tell you that, after watching this movie, I am more determined than ever to not settle for any man who would pitch a temper tantrum because I was having to be away from home because of having to care for someone. The father and husband in this movie was so giving of his wife. I want to find a man like that to marry.

"Do All Things For God's Glory"-1 Corinthians 10:31
I try doing this with my posts

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