pushing 38

after watching this in a long time and reading some of the more reasonable comments....

I'm gonna die a virgin.

I've had opportunities to get it done but ran away each time.
The thought of sex reminds me of my broken childhood.

but there are good moments, like holding hands. playing with her moles. kissing her feet.

im a hopeless romantic

I get involuntary erections on a daily basis. by happy thoughts or feelings. or someone touching me.

Ive had manic depression since the age of 12. and my borderline personality makes me not value myself. and people take advantage of my weak will.

im currently on a contract to give 200$ to a woman every month. She gives me back minimal affections... she tells the lies just perfectly enough to keep me hooked.

I cant vision myself touching her inappropriately. even tho she has sent clear signs that she wants me to rip her apart. but thats not me.. my libido is always less than 10%

there are few times in the last decades where I wake up with this urgency to just climax. I used to look at pictures of celebrities.. but since she came into my life it has been her only.

been injected every 9 weeks with Trynza stops me from feeling anything in my penis. when I climax I feel the dopamine but no pulse. kinda like eating baby back ribs without the flavor but you feel the nutrients doing its work and you feel full.

so im not completely devoid of hope... i manage to make my right hand jealous of my left hand... thanks to millhouse or I hope Chris saying "stranger in the tub"