MovieChat Forums > The Lovely Bones (2010) Discussion > Not really helped coping with the death ...

Not really helped coping with the death of a loved one (spoilers)

posted 10 years ago by oKuuma
13 replies | jump to latest

I lost my big sister a couple of weeks ago due to cancer. I´m still coping with her loss. I thought I might watch this movie to help my grieve. It was a surprise to find out that the year Susie was killed is the year my sister was born, as if there was meaning for me to find. Anyhow this movie had a sad message.

I´m a rational person who loves physics and other hard sciences. Yet I´m also spiritual person, especially now. I want to believe that my sister is still doing her thing on the other side and that I´ll see her again someday. It wasn´t really helping when Holly said that in heaven there is no memory. I wouldn´t want my sister to forget me. Also the last two sentences in the end, "I was here for a moment and then I was gone. I wish you all a long and happy life." It broke my heart. I just don´t want the beautiful connection my sister and I had to be gone for good. I know this is a movie and certainly doesn´t depict reality but for someone who is coping with the death of a loved one, this movie couldn´t mend my sadness.

Movies are reflections of time, places and people.
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[–] noellejosephine 10 years ago

I'm very sorry to hear that about your sister. This movie has a very sad feel about it. For one thing, it revolves around a dead girl and HER struggle to move on, which probably doesn't help anyone in "real" life.

[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] oKuuma 10 years ago

Thanks for your input. I´m slowly coming to grips with the hard reality that I´m not going to see my sister in this lifetime. I believe what you are saying. There is even a model by Sir Roger Penrose and Dr. Stuart Hameroff trying to explain the consciousness outside of the brain by combining quantum mechanics with neurology. When you contemplate and research enough about life, the universe and everything, it only makes sense. It also explains so much. So I´ll have to live my life to the fullest until my day comes and then I hope to rejoin with her spirit once again. Happy new year.

Movies are reflections of time, places and people.
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[–] lucianolvr 10 years ago

I love that you love physics and other sciences. I do too. I also am a Christian (not always a very good one, but still...)
For me science does not in any way disqualify faith. I believe in the words of Jesus, and He definitely spoke of the afterlife, and of seeing our loved ones again. We will be risen up in the Lord. I'm sorry if my words can't bring comfort to you, but my heart goes out to you and I truly believe you will see your sister again in the next life, and your job now is to live the best life you can. Life is a huge mystery and no one can prove what happens after we die. But for me, my belief is strong that my loved ones on the other side are in God's loving hands, and one day when I cross over, if I keep living a good life, I will be graced with seeing them again.

God bless you, little sister missing her loved one.

Love me some Waltons

[–] oKuuma 10 years ago

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. Although I´m not a Christian, I´ll say God bless you ;)

Movies are reflections of time, places and people.
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[–] AnyaAngel22 9 years ago

I know that this post is over a year old, but I also wanted to extend my condolences to you, and I hope you are doing better now. Your story touched me because I also lost an older sibling(in my case, my big brother) a year before you lost your sister, and it was also to cancer. I had a hard time making it through this movie for the year after, but then I thought of him in a beautiful place, surrounded by family and friends that we lost before, and maybe getting to hang out with his favorite musicians and talking to comics and telling jokes with them because he was so funny. I don't believe that they lose their memories of us in heaven, but that they keep an eye out for us.

I was recently very sick. I spent 2 months in the hospital with a handful of illnesses that could kill a person individually(pneumonia, sepsis, a collapsed lung, etc.),and I had them all at once. One night, for some reason, I thought I was dead. I truly believed that I had died and gone to purgatory. After a few hours, my mother and the nurses assured me that I was not dead, and I finally fell asleep, where my brother and grandmother told me that I needed to stay strong because they were not ready for me yet. They couldn't do that with no memories of the living. :)

I also wanted to tell you that, while the pain of losing your sister will always be there, time does heal all wounds, and you will start to feel more peaceful as time goes by. Again, I hope you are doing better now, and to say that if you ever want someone to talk to who understands what you are going through, please feel free to send me a message.

[–] BabyGrape 8 years ago

I somewhat agree.

I lost my very young best friend in 2015 right after he graduated. He wasn't harmed by another person but somehow contracted a sudden and consuming illness. We don't know how it happened or what really caused it.

Most days I wake up and live my life as normal. I go through many days without feeling sadness related to his passing. I even watched this episode of a show where the characters mourned a death of their friend and I really thought nothing of it...but this movie really hit a sore spot. Something made me want to watch it last night and I've being tearing up all day thinking of the last lines. "I was here for a moment...and then I was gone". It's insane to think how much that being here for a moment impacts so many lives.

I wonder if he is in the purgatory or if he has passed on. I always like to think he is away somewhere living a different kind of life. I think some day we will be joined together again. I don't think those connections can be lost.

[–] thenikexperience 8 years ago

Wow, y'all made me tear up with your posts. I too, lost someone very close to me a little over two years ago. A friend of my sister's who was a sort of "lost soul" and had a lot of trouble and neglect at home. My family pretty much adopted him and he stuck around with us for over 10 years. I remember my sister saying he became ill with colon cancer, and I guess I just assumed he would get better. After a year and a half, it got worse and worse and eventually he proposed to my sister because I think he knew he was going to die soon, and he wanted to marry her while he still could. However, he was already extremely weak and could barely even go anywhere - he was on hospice care due to how much pain and suffering he was under. He hadn't eaten in weeks, and he looked like a living skeleton. They were each other's first loves, and it was heartbreaking to know that they would never be able to get married. He passed away, at the age of 25, and it was absolutely dreadful and so devastating for all of us.

While he was nearing the end, my sister spent every second by his side watching television shows and movies and such. I was really fascinated with the afterlife and near death experiences at the time, so I sent her this really great documentary that had a lot of people's NDEs as a sort of comfort to them, not to mention "proof" that an afterlife exists. I guess she put it on, and after watching about half of it he said he couldn't watch it anymore. He truly refused to believe he was going to die, so he thought that it was scary rather than affirming. But I really hope that he ended up experiencing what the people in the documentary were talking about, because it sounded wonderful. I hope he thought to himself, "Oh, it's like that movie I didn't want to watch." :)

I truly think that there is an after life, and for all we know it could look like what it did in The Lovely Bones, or that could just be a part of it/ transition to another realm. It could be something else, like a strange geometric dimension in which nothing looks like how it does where we are right now, and therefore it can't even be put into words. Maybe in the afterlife, we are nothing, but are also everything simultaneously. Either way, I'd like to think that we are all in for a big surprise, and that it's hopefully a good one! ;) Thank you all for sharing your stories and may we all find the answers and peace we seek. <3

[–] smidget28 (800) 6 years ago

So sorry for your loss and your reaction to this film. I recently lost my son, and after watching this, I can only offer that if you focus on what SUSIE was experiencing, you can take comfort that your sister is in a beautiful place....even though it's hard for us on earth.

[–] GreenGoblinsOck8 (7702) 5 years ago

I don't know if the original poster of this thread is even on this site but I do feel sorry for them. I myself am a Christian and lost both an older friend/mentor of mine and a 3 year old girl I knew to Leukemia 6 years ago. It was hard. I was friends with the man's family. The mother of that 3 year old is still taking it hard.

[–] Lampedusean (498) 5 years ago

Physics and voodoo don't mix. Grief makes crazy.

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

And don't forget: there's no afterlife!

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

Harsh but true