MovieChat Forums > Dracula 3000 (2004) Discussion > Forgive me Father for I have sinned....

Forgive me Father for I have sinned....

posted 19 years ago by bobcatmvp1-3
16 replies | jump to latest

Have I seen a worse movie? No I can't say that I have. This was
pathetic. If the director is still alive: 1. He shouldn't be. 2. He
should be ashamed. 3. God, how I would like to take out my 2 completely
wasted hours of time on his a$$.

To give you guys a few pointers of the "film":

1. (I'm a male) and
I would rather give myself a papercut on the opening of my urethra before
viewing this again (seriously).

2. It does have a few known names in it (Casper Van Dien, Erika
Eleniak, Coolio). They don't help, and their careers in cinema after
this "film" are officially over by the way.

3. The dialog is the worst I've ever heard. "I want to ejaculate on
your bozonkas."? What kind of writer did they have on this film? Was he
still using hooked-on-phonics and just got his letters mixed up to make
these horrible sentences?, or was he trying to get the Director killed
by the few people who saw this?

4. Watch this "film" backwards. Because
I PROMISE you that you do not want to watch it forwards.

5. This "film" would make Helen Keller get up and walk out of the
theater.

6. The set of the movie looks like an adult sized McDonald's playplace.
I was just waiting for this so called "Dracula" to fall in the ball pit
at some time in the movie.

7. Also, I like that in the year 3000 they still have headsets with
wires that go to their mouth. No bluetooth, no wireless headsets, no
chips placed in the brain, but they use headsets borrowed from a
telemarketing agency that went out of business in 1983(Nice job Set
director on this one. Real professional. I hope you're currently
unemployed and reading this.)

8. I don't know who was in charge of special effects, but I could have done better in my backyard with my VHS camcorder that doesn't have a battery.

9. I was a devout Catholic before this "film". But since viewing it, I know there
is not a God. Because if there was, he wouldn't have let this film be
produced. I am now an atheist.

10. I'll be honest. I can't talk about the ending. Last time I tried to explain it I fell into a coma.

Folks however bored you get, however curious(or brave) you are, however
many laughs you THINK you will get out of this movie, please DO NOT
WATCH THIS. It has literally ruined my life. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Comment to the director: I hate you. You have ruined my life. After
viewing this I feel empty inside. My wife and kids have left me and
hate me because I couldn't speak or hardly move after seeing this. I
lost my job, my dignity, and above all my pride. I will never forgive
you in this life or the next(which is not looking good from my newfound beliefs).

[–] Luna_Crow711 19 years ago

I agree with you, this is my worst movie, I mean, the dude called Dracula looked more like a nerd than a sexy tempting vampire ! And the lines were bad, famous actors, but that didn't help much.

It is the truth that changes the lives of many

[–] jonathanchoy 19 years ago

and instead of actually killing the vamp the entire ship or wehat ever blew up

[–] asys6 19 years ago

LOL Dude you are sooooo right.. an urethra papercut is the way to go.
I watched this movie in pure disbelief, I just couldn't believe any self-respecting human being could actually help make this movie possible.

And yes the director and crew should end their lifes cause this is just not done.. not done..

I now know why there is war in this world..

[–] bobcatmvp1-3 19 years ago

BUMP

[–] openstorage 18 years ago

Great review mate ;) Well said, and just had to be said, as far as this sh!tty film is concerned. To much crap like this being made nowadays.

[–] bobcatmvp1-3 18 years ago

Tellin' the truth

[–] buddahmouse 18 years ago

Just a coulpe of things, first
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I'll be honest. I can't talk about the ending. Last time I tried to explain it I fell into a coma.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
You must not have thought the movie that bad becaus you came out of your coma.

2.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Folks however bored you get, however curious(or brave) you are, however
many laughs you THINK you will get out of this movie, please DO NOT
WATCH THIS. It has literally ruined my life. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

Comment to the director: I hate you. You have ruined my life. After
viewing this I feel empty inside. My wife and kids have left me and
hate me because I couldn't speak or hardly move after seeing this. I
lost my job, my dignity, and above all my pride. I will never forgive
you in this life or the next(which is not looking good from my newfound beliefs).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dude get a life it's just a movie. If you lost all that from watching a movie maybe you need to go in a little rubber room for awhile.

And finally, Sure it may not be the best movie. But it really IS funny.

[–] offput 17 years ago

It really isn't funny. Plan Nine from Outer Space is hilariously bad. Dracula 3000 goes beyond that level of bad. And then it goes beyond pitifully bad into hate-inspiringly bad. It's truly the worst movie ever made. I sincerely think that if all the critics ever sat down and watched every movie ever made, they'd come to a unanimous consensus regarding this movie. That it was the worst movie ever made. Of course, I would never do that seeing as forcing someone to watch this movie would violate the geneva conventions and be cruel and unusual punishment. If the courts were considering replacing capital punishment with mandatory viewing of this movie I'd advocate capital punishment.

[–] mj_god 17 years ago

hahahahaha

you're hilarious man

[–] satanic_brolli 17 years ago

I fell asleep several times while trying to see this movie, but i'm a very persistant person so i ended up watching it all.

I think it was brilliant, just because a movie like this one is rare to find. In the end i laughed for about 10 minutes because probably they ran out of funds and had to cut it short and that was the fastest way :)). It's rare to see a movie as bad as this one and because of this, i loved it. I wouldn't.. i couldn't watch it again, that I admit, but I'm really not sorry for watching it in the first place :D

[–] johnrob1435 16 years ago

The OP is spot on

[–] Neorrific 13 years ago

You hit the nail on the head with this one brother.

[–] MarkBramfield25 17 years ago

This is the funniest thing I have ever read. Everytime I try to read it, I laugh so hard I have tears in my eyes. This movie sucks, but I didn't think it was as bad as the first poster.

[–] r3volut1on 17 years ago

amen. i too sat in stunned disbelief as the credits rolled. i still can't explain anything about this film to people, i try and just lock up.

Tiocfaidh ar la.

[–] tiger_yen2001 17 years ago

That movie Dracula 3000 is whack! No good. *Thumb down*!! The plot does not make sense. It is totally off the point. Why the hell did director and the crews made that movie for?? LOL (laughing). It is a silly movie that does not fit the story about Dracula in space. At the end, it is so pointless. That is all what movie is playing with those characters? Why did director put high profile movie stars such as Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniek, Coolio and Tommy Lister, Jr for? These characters were supposed to play by other movie stars that is low profile. But Casper, Erika, Tommy and Coolio played there??? (laughing)....does not make sense. I am telling you this movie is....w h a c k! My god.....

[–] bigska 17 years ago

Oh, wow. I actually teared up from laughing so hard while reading your comment! Brilliant!