Made me rethink my life.

Can't wait for Dracula 4000. Imagine the confusion if it's great. No no
2 is dumb 3 god awful but go with 4. Yeah check the reviews.
Even passable. Odd bad. Or is that Star Trek?
How can you go wrong with the Drac. Well guess anything goes in Merica.
Oh, the pre Halloween blitz. Revenge of New Orleans.
and the thing is spreading:

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent Strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits;
-delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;
-chronic mangling of the English language;
-extreme cognitive dissonance;
-inability to incorporate new information;
-pronounced xenophobia;
-inability to accept responsibility for actions;
-exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
-uncontrolled facial smirking;
-ignorance of geography and history;
tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
-and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago from a Texas Bush.