I had the idea for this first! (Sort of)

Long story short(ish)

In 2004 some friends and I went to see awesome American band Drive By-Truckers play an equally awesome show in Camden, London. After the gig (and much drinking) we met the guys (and gal) out of the Drive-By Truckers and they signed our CDs, posters etc. My friend Colin asked the singer/guitarist from the band Patterson Hood, if he had any spare plectrums he could have. He said he did and Colin asked him to sign it for him, chuckling away to himself Patterson simply wrote *beep* You’ on the pick in marker pen and handed it over to Colin, who also laughed heartily. When he asked why he wrote that he simply shrugged his shoulders [the other singer/guitarist Mike Cooley theorized that as Patterson was a belligerent drunk redneck they were probably the only two words he could spell!].

The next day, nursing our hangovers we headed in to the city for lunch and to resume drinking. Over the course of the afternoon we decided the *beep* You Pick (as it was now and forever shall be known… by us anyway) was hilarious and we should use it to record a song about the event. From this (drunkenly) we developed a back story for the song, which was an exaggeration of the events from the previous night, which eventually became the song ‘The Legend of the *beep* You Pick’. I’ll let the lyrics (as I remember them) tell the rest…

Been playing the guitar for some years now
Bought several just to impress my friends
But at gatherings and parties when I get up to play
I just ridiculed by all of them

Then a mysterious man from Alabama
Came into town riding a Mack truck
I played him a song and I asked him what he thought
In his drawl he just said ‘boy that sucked’

I asked him for some advice and some guidance
I asked him what I needed to do
He just took a Jim Dunlop naught point thirty eight
And wrote upon the back the words *beep* you’

He said use this pick when you’re playing country
He said use this pick when you play the blues
Use this pick when you’re playing some dark seedy bar
I asked the reason why he just said *beep* you’

Now I’m a rock n roll hero,
A regular Clapton, Beck or Jimi Hendrix
I’ll never forget that day when I could suddenly play
All because of the *beep* you pick!

Well you get the idea anyway, boy plays guitar badly, boy gets mythical (and obscene) plectrum and becomes rock legend. A familiar plot device for a certain movie me thinks. Of course, there was only ever two CDs made of the recording of this song, one I have and other I gave to Patterson Hood next time I saw the Drive-By Truckers, so the chances that Jack Black or Kyle Gass heard it then ripped it off appear to be quite slim. Still I’m glad someone else in the world had the same idea as me. Pity they made money out of it though and I didn’t!




"Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules..."