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100 things I've learned from House of the Dead!!!

posted 18 years ago by capaneous
140 replies | jump to latest

1- If you wanna kill a zombie that has thrown an axe toward you just jump and shoot
2- When you wanna blow up a dynamite just stand infront of the house that's the only shelter from the walkin deads!
3- Radios and Cell phones don't work around zombies
4- If you see your friend slashin zombies with a sword in a robe he is probably fake!
5-There are some rumors that a cross can be helpfull against zombies.
6- Zombies use some sort of a wireless technology for their nerves system
7- If you see a dangerous fish in a tank don't try to shoot him with a gun cause you might wake up zombies.
8-Old books can help you

[–] draken82 18 years ago

9- The reason to attempt immortality is to live forever

[–] EL_TOPO_DEL-negro 18 years ago

maybe the funniest line in movie ever

"Intolerance is evidence of impotence" Aleister Crowley

[–] wryterzblock 18 years ago

LOFL!!

I about died when I heard that dialogue...

"You did it to become immortal...why?"

"To live forever."

Dear lord in heaven, I bust my ass to write meaningful work when I should apparantly stick to nuggets of genius such as this.

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] laufingrl 14 years ago

lol what?! xD

that sounds like my type of movie to make fun of

[–] rodneykieth 18 years ago

10-being around zombies will cause you to instantly learn karate
11-if you find a way to live forever,you`ll get zombie minions
12-immortal people won`t be harmed in the slightest by explosions,but will instantly die if their head is cut off
13-people can defeat immortal zombies after being stabbed in the chest,and then walk off,apprently only slightly injured.

jesus is back!...quick!hide the eggs!

[–] draken82 18 years ago

14- if you go to a remote island to rave and meet killer zombies instead, never fear, you'll instantly be an expert in combat and marksmanship if given a gun by a drunk sea captain

[–] ndwolfwood3769 18 years ago

12-immortal people won`t be harmed in the slightest by explosions,but will instantly die if their head is cut off

Yes, But didn't we already know this because of the far far far far far far far superior "Highlander" series.

[–] tomimt 18 years ago

15. Some zombies have watched "The Fellowship of The Rings"
16. When you die the camera will sometimes hover around you, while you stand still looking depressed about it, in a place that doesn't even remind of the place where you die.
17. It isn't anything of a worry, when the "rave party of the year" seems to be deserted. Really, most don't even get pissed about that.

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] K-Mac017 18 years ago

24. It's possible for someone to get stabbed in the chest with a sword, fall down and crush a zombies head and fall back down dead again
25. The only way to kill an "Immortal" zombie is to crush it's head, even though so-called "Immortals" can live and move around without them
26. When shooting a 20 minute shootout scene, be sure to top it off with blazing techno/rap/metal music even though rap (a) Sucks (b) Doesn't belong in a zombie flick and (c) Did I forget to mention sucks?
27. Using Halloween zombie costumes for the zombies looks more realistic than CGI to actually make them LOOK real
28. When stranded on an island infested with zombies, it's wiser to just stay on the island and fight them all off rather than getting on the boat which is really close by and setting sail off the island
29. Originality and creativity isn't a requirement when making zombie flicks; in short, it's actually OKAY to copy movies like The Matrix and Lord of the Rings, even though they looked so much better in the films Boll was trying to rip off
30. It's only right for a film with an island and an old shack to be called HOUSE of the Dead, even though there is no "House" to speak of

"It's not who I am underneath... but what I do that defines me".

-Christian Bale (Batman Begins)

[–] vabyss 18 years ago

31. Using cuts of actual footage from a 10 year old video game during action scenes is a sure bet for an unintentional laugh.

32. Using a stop motion circular camera shot of the "heroes" pointing their guns is so cheesy it will bring a scowl to even the most positive person's face.

33. There are actually worse movies than Sci-Fi Channel original specials.

34. Uwe Boll is the worst director in history, and should be euthanized.

"Good is a point of view"

[–] GabeLogan9060 18 years ago

35: When your friend is screaming for help while getting eaten by zombies, stand there and have a series of flashbacks from everything that led to this point.
36: Zombies, in fact, know how to use an axe perfectly.

http://www.petitiononline.com/fcmovie/petition.html

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] joshua_mckeon 18 years ago

52.God hates me.
53.Guns are like Transformers, they can change type in less than a second.
54.Boll is worse than Satan.
55.Some people hate empty wells so much they will waste their only grenade blowing them up.
56.God really hates me.
57.God also hates nerds, which is a category that includes me.

[–] KittenCaboodle 18 years ago

58.When creepy fisherman barges in on you topless, make no attempt to cover yourself then proceed to have an an extended conversation with him making sure your breasts are on full display in good lighting.

"Well behaved women rarely make history" Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

[–] rappin_ris6666 18 years ago

59. Unfortunately, you will never see the girl with the largest breasts topless. She will only entice you while running in slow motion as a house explodes, but she keeps her top on because she's just classy that way.

[–] AllPowerfulGARTH 18 years ago

60. Even if you're on an island in the middle of nowhere with just four other people, it's still proper ettiquette to use the port-a-potty when you need to empty your bladder...and it just might save your life!
61. Zombies don't maul. They just pile on top of you and grope you to death.
62. You can pour yourself a full cup of beer from a keg in just two seconds.
63. If you can't destroy something with a massive explosion, just try squashing it with your boot.
64. All 17th-century ships had typewriters for their ship logs -- in fact, the typewriters were so advanced that they could keep the logs themselves even if the entire crew were to die!

[–] thetruecell 18 years ago

65. Sometimes, no amount of booze and drugs can make watching a movie pleasant.
66. I can actually watch a bad video game movie that makes me want to not only never watch the movie again, but never play the video game again.

Bring me the head of Uwe Boll!!!

[–] mainmanjr1 18 years ago

67.When in dire straits, marksmanship and martial arts come naturally.
68.If Uwe can make movies, all of us can make movies.
69.Just because you're in a classic movie like Das Boot, doesn't mean you won't end up working in a lame, cheeseball, lackluster horror film someday.

[–] BrokenVan 18 years ago

70. The fact that the party of the century is deserted means only one thing: MORE BEER FOR US!
71. If your face is knicked in a life or death battle with zombies, your primary concern must be on your appearance.
72. Raves are sponsored by SEGA.
73. If a girl gets topless and wants to go swimming, the obvious reaction is to fall asleep on the beach.
74. Shooting wood creates the spark needed to set off gunpowder.
75. Though you are being hanged, your power of immortality enables you to speak while being hanged.

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] poonhead1979 18 years ago

76. gymnastic zombies leave springboards lying around in plain site

[–] draken82 18 years ago

77. When Clint Howard is the headliner of a movie, you know it can't be good

[–] dearg_ghrain 18 years ago

78. Being infected with a zombie virus gives you the speed and agility of an olympic athlete and the ability to spit acid

79. That Captain kirk can somehow get to land from a boat in zombie infested waters but you cant get from land back to the boat in zombie infested movies

[–] wmclarty 18 years ago

80. Having characters named: Captian Kirk, Casper & McGyver make a better movie.

[–] superdante5000 18 years ago

81. No matter how many zombies you kill their will always be more.
82. Freezing Frames While you only jump 6 inches in the air staright up is aparently cool.
82. Even though people are dying always keep your looks up.
83. Like Highlander to kill a Imortal you have to cut off his head.
84. Do not shoot tanks with blood ,or zombies might get pissed.
85. When Zombies suround you waste grenades by throwing them down a well.
86. Some movies causes brain damage.
87. Anyone who watches this movie may experince motion sickness ,and/or vomit.

[–] mc-arrow 18 years ago

88. Sometimes when someone says “It’s a Bad movie” the movie can be really not worth seeing

[–] dearg_ghrain 18 years ago

89. A bunch of zombies and a person who has been immortal living on an island where apparently is pretty close to the American mainland can go unnoticed for 400 years but then are killed by a small bunch of teenagers who magically gain the ability of a master martial artist and the markmanship of olymic shooters

[–] draken82 18 years ago

90. It's generally a bad idea to attend a "Rave of the Century" on an island known as the Island of the Dead. You're just asking for trouble.

91. Anybody paying $1000 to get to said rave is stupid and deserves whatever happens to them.

[–] damoviecritic 18 years ago

92. Zombies can jump like all hell
93. Becoming emmortal allows you to see who is coming to your lair next
94. Zomies are kinda like trolls in that they hang out under bridges blowing bubbles in the water
95. If a zombie knaws off your legs, it will look clean and organized
96. If underground zombies attack you, they don't spurt blood when you shoot 'em
97. becoming immortal gives you the ability to take on somebody's skin
98. Actresses who star in Uwe Boll films need zombie boot camp
98. Just cause somebody can actually direct "this" doesn't mean they cant woop your ass at boxing

And last but certainly not least...

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] kairtsukas 18 years ago

101. Being dead doesn't mean that your muscles are stiff, you can run and jump better than ever! Even if you died at, oh I dont know, your late 80-ies?

[–] Eric-1226 18 years ago

102.
Getting rammed in the heart by a sword will not kill you, will draw only minimal amounts of blood that will allow your cleavage to remain quite attractive, and will put you on the ground for only about a minute or so before you are able to stagger to your feet and crush somebody's decapitated skull.

***
"Puppy cuter than pig, but piglet cuter than puppy." -Mail Order Wife-

[–] Eric-1226 18 years ago

103.
Jürgen Prochnow is a multi-talented captain: he can skipper a U-boat and a fishing boat. (Though not both at the same time).

***
"Puppy cuter than pig, but piglet cuter than puppy." -Mail Order Wife-

[–] jawrig11 18 years ago

104 when making a zombie movie it is not neccesary to shoot many shots of the zombies, nobody will notice if you use teh same clip about 20 times.

[–] Starduck37 18 years ago

30. It's only right for a film with an island and an old shack to be called HOUSE of the Dead, even though there is no "House" to speak of

You again. Look man look at our old argument in the Uwe Boll is a Genius thread and I put this pathetic dis to shame. It was a house. It had numerous rooms, doors, windows, and furniture inside of it. That does not fit the description of a shack.

[–] sarathy 18 years ago

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.,

Goood thread.,
Keep them coming

[–] choiboy888 18 years ago

105. One is not brave enough to watch the deleted scenes afterwards...

[–] Matt_gunnis_2 18 years ago

106, this movie wasnt that bad.

[–] K-Mac017 18 years ago

107) Actually, yeah it was.

"It's not who I am underneath... but what I do that defines me".

-Christian Bale (Batman Begins)

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] tua07665 18 years ago

111. To kill yourself, its better to go down the street, than across the tracks
112. The really sexy main character Johnathan Cherry, man would I like to pop his...well you know

"On the run from Johnny Law, ain't no trip to Cleveland." -Bottle Rocket

[–] YankeeEagle5122 18 years ago

113. When going down secret catacombs and shooting zombies, you'll see awsome 3D visuals that don't resemble anything you are actually seeing.
114. If zombies surround you, light a stick of dynamite so the door will blow open and screw everyone else inside. You gotta go out with a bang.

[–] sidereal69 18 years ago

115. Uwe Boll has committed crimes against humanity and I wish George Romero would come back to life as a zombie and eat him.

116. I'm not actually sure whether or not George Romero is dead, but I still want him all zombified and eating Uwe Boll.

[–] dearg_ghrain 18 years ago

Is it just me or has the quality of these jokes gone down and steeply in the five or so posts. Man there not funny. I believe it is a good time to stop this board while we are still on top

[–] draken82 18 years ago

No George Romero isn't dead, and I agree this thread has run it's course and is getting repetitive.

[–] matschmonster 18 years ago

113. Fishermen like to wear those stupid yellow raincoats and -hats even if it doesn't rain.
114. 400 years ago, they had electric light on boats.
115. They also had microscopes and great skills in creating viruses.
116. Being immortal makes you want to kill everybody.
117. Guitar wailing pump up music and fast cuts make flashbacks more emotional.
118. When the coast guard wants to search your ship to check if you're smuggling anything, just sail away. They won't do anything.
119. Zombies don't moan. They sound like cats.

[–] resevil80 18 years ago

To HH, Its their opinon that it wasn't that bad, even though I hate it, Don't act like your opinion is better than everyone else.

Get to da Choppa!

Billy, Get me outa dis Hole!

[–] winterOfMyDiscontent 17 years ago

ha ah ah ha you are something choiboy888 .
"Since I am convinced myself I do not have to convince anybody else" Edgar Allan Poe

[–] sarahmaggiecat 18 years ago

Sorry all, but liek I have more to add.

117: Don't forget that most smugglers spend all of their time smuggling legal weapons INTO the United States, and once in dock in the US, set sail some random island to leave them all sitting in the weeds.

118: Machetes are also prime smuggling meteral.

119: When transporting something that can get you landed in jail, you must remember to hide it under something else more minor but that everyone knows isn't legal so that when you are caught your time spent in jail will be extended.

120: if fighting zombies with a drum fed shotgun, it can suddenly turn into a drum fed grenade launcher for one shot, though it still shoots like a shotgun.

121: no matter how tiny your arms, you can still dual fire one of the most powerful handguns in the world, even though you only had one to start with.

[–] rmpp 18 years ago

122: The Meaning of life: life is a bitch and then you die.

[–] scumbagsteve927 18 years ago

123:the more intelligent zombies can talk and jump!

[–] StephEff 18 years ago

Sorry, I have to add something since I live on an island that's part of the San Juan islands...

124. When making a movie, rather than just making up an island and leaving it at that, Uwe Boll feels inclined to make up an island and then make it a part of a real chain of islands just so he can mention Seattle once or twice.

Much love and BIG KISSES,
Steph

______________

If you were a mermaid, you said, If you were a mermaid, I was the sea.

[–] wryterzblock 18 years ago

pasting my additions since I replied too early in the thread:

125. Viewing this movie has helped me understand the phrase "I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy"

126. Missing a patch of skin from your cheek = Elephant Man

127. It's okay to wish physical harm on directors named Uwe

128. Boobs don't always soften the blow of cinematic excrement

129. Cheap ass masks do not a zombie make

AND THIS JUST IN:

130. Non Caucasian females in zombie films will apparantly get souped-up names like Karma and Liberty to make up for their minority status

[–] Eddie_Dean 18 years ago

When fighting with a bunch of allies- don't bother calling out your grenades when you throw them, if your friends are too close to the explosion- it's their fault.

[–] CrimsonJet 18 years ago

131. All attendants of the biggest raves ever can easily share one portable toilet.

132. If you want to shoot a zombie in the head, first majically turn everything into videogame clip.

133. Saying stupid things instantly makes you able to kill more zombies.

134. Zombies are smart enough to realize that they will die if they keep fighting. And when they do, they'll walk in single-file lines away from the mayhem.

135. In gunfights with zombies running at you from all sides, it's wise to stand in one spot, calmly shooting your gun downwards while the Matrix camera goes around you.

136. A huge trunk of guns of all kinds will always be exactly when and where you need it.

137. Small handguns at long range can blow a zombie's head in half with one round.

138. Zombies love to show off their super-acrobat skills while trying to kill someone.

139. It takes one shotgun round to make a bunch of zombies standing around you fly away.

140. All Oriental women consider leather jumpsuits great for raves.

[–] The_dEVIL_WEArs_niKE 18 years ago

134.BOLL IS A LAME DIRECTOR
135.BOLL IS A LAME DIRECTOR
136.BOLL IS A LAME DIRECTOR
137.OH AND I FORGOT BOLL IS A LAME DIRECTOR
"Before this battle is over we all would know that a few stood against many"
300

[–] Telescope-HF 18 years ago

138. If you get swarmed by zombies, no worries, they are sure to take breaks, even though you are in a completely vunerable position by sitting in an old 'house'

139. If you ever have part of your face taken off by Zombie acid, no one will ever love you. Though the black chick will think you were pretty brave and have a random desire to make out.

You changed my life. I've know you for four days and you changed my life.

[–] wryterzblock 18 years ago

140. This topic is one billion times more entertaining than House of the Dead.

[–] sarathy 18 years ago

Agrees!

[–] roxor1 18 years ago

This topic is so freaking awesome:)

141. In this movie they had extremely advanced microscope technology in the 1800th.
142. The best way to heal your wounded leg is to fall down, then just stand up!
143. If you get hanged and break your neck(yes there was a snatch), it's no problem to left your arms and say: "You can never kill me, I will live forever!"
144. They ran out of names to they called one dude MacGyver.
145. That guns have inverted recoil..?
146. That a Desert Eagel has a capasity of 20 bullets.. while the guy who dies first only have three..
146. Zombies spitt acid now..
147. I have never laughed harder of a movie.. ever.

[–] Genocide_x 18 years ago

148. It takes less than three minutes for a dvd to melt in the microwave...(first hand experience of course, not from the film)

[–] snipermw 18 years ago

149. When a guy throws up on his girlfriend, she'll start laughing and won't find it disgusting at all.

[–] evilpinkchipmunk 18 years ago

150. The more awkwardly placed 360 degree slow motion swoops in a movie, the better.
151. Dead skin fits like a mask from the mission impossible series.
152. A knife is a suitable weapon to kill zombies.. especially when 10 plus rounds of ammunition fail to do the job.
153. Having the name "Liberty" in conjunction with wearing an American Flag one-peice is clever.
154. Grey shacks on the verge of collapse are the ideal zombie-impenetrable fortress.
155. Raves are held on uninhabited scooby-doo-esque islands.

[–] mdoyle-24 18 years ago

This thread is amazing, and here are some other things I noticed

156.DVD menus can be made cooler by adding information about the characters in a vidoe game-like skills page.

157. If, on said skills page, your only listed skill is comic relief, you WILL die without a fight.

158. If you are bitten once by a zombie, you will be fine, but if you are bitten twice, you might as well blow yourself up with a random stick of dynamite that you decided not to use against the zombies until now.

159. If you take the time to watch the deleted scenes on this movie, like I did, you would actually realize that the film would have been better with them, but it would still suck so bad its not even funny.

160. Another quip about extras, Even if your character never actually shoots a gun, you have to show up at zombie-killing traing day just cause.

161. the more random topless asians, the better.

162. Zombies don't bite, they just hold you until you figure a way out of the wierdo dead spaniards trap.

163. NEVER shoot an aquarium full of water, it makes zombies angry.

164. Gun clip sizes change from use to use, so you should always be on your toes.

165. I hope Tom Savini eats whoever the makeup artist on this movie was.

166. Stereotypes, such as the asian girl knowing kung-fu, are OK if your name is Uwe ( pronounced OOVA)

167. If you offer an alcoholic captain who smuggles firearms $600 dollars, he will say there is not enough money in the world, but if you then offer him $1000, he will do it, just for an extra $400, meaning that the captain did not believe there were another four hundred dollars in the world.

[–] wryterzblock 18 years ago

LOFL #167!!!!

168. Medevial backstories based on modern videogames are key in a successful film.

169. As is giving away the entire ending five minutes in.

170. Uwe must be pretty disappointed that his House of the Dead meets The Matrix proposal didn't pan out.

171. That Uwe is still working is indisputable evidence of having sold his soul to Satan.

172. When in doubt, name drop. Cuz, you know, mentioning the name Romero TOTALLY raised the caliber of this movie...

[–] gay_dancing_chimpanzees 18 years ago

173.zombies know how to lock doors

174.when filming a big zombie shootout.always have one zombie hide behind a log and then pop his head up for no reason.

175.when making a horror movie you must always name each your characters after a)a star trek character b)a cartoon ghost c)a famous raindeer

176.that a small axe can chop someones head clean off with one half assed swipe

177.that once a zombie stabs a female character with a sword and killing her he will just stand there like a prick staring while ignoring other characters that attempt to kill him.

http://www.primates.com/chimps/chimpanzee-picture.jpg

[–] bjisgreat 18 years ago

173. splicing actual shots from a video game into your movie isnt a good idea.

174. when making such a terrible zombie movie, dont drag Romero's name into it. it will only make things worse.

175. #167 was pretty funny.

176. for a zombie movie to be bad...its gotta be pretty bad.

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] thedragon3000 18 years ago

178- lets read a book it might just help us stop the horror
179- blood in a fishtank makes u live again
180- a fish in a blood tank will grow a big funny looking skull face
181- when legs get cut off you have pink blood, how cool
182- when a zombie, you can high jump 20feet in the air
183- when a zombie, you can wissle really loud tunes
184- ZOMBIEEEEEEEEE ROCK-zombie
185- when watching this film you think to yourself Y oh Y did i waste 90mins of my life

[–] gay_dancing_chimpanzees 18 years ago

186.the perfect way to train for a action/horror movie is to play a video game,then go paintballing for a couple of hours.after that,dont forget to get all of the hot women in their bikinis and go in to the jacuzzi.thats really important.

http://www.primates.com/chimps/chimpanzee-picture.jpg

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] ctj59 18 years ago

187. Uwe Boll is the modern day Ed Wood

[–] rogov 18 years ago

188. Truly great raves are held on nigh unreachable islands, outdoors, during the day, and are hosted by SEGA.

189. Watching a hot chick skinny dip makes you very tired.

190. Shotguns are bigger (and better?) than grenade launchers.

191. Armed agents will arrive arbitrarily and uncalled for, via helicopter, and where the survivors are, but only after everything has already been resolved.

192. Island zombies have learned to stalk their prey.

193. It's okay to name your movie after a video game and have the plot have nothing to do with the actual game, so long as you splice in footage of the video game from time to time.

194. Getting your lower body ripped off and bleeding to death in a house that later explodes is not a good enough reason to keep you out of the sequel (see HotD2).

195. It's only a flashback if it's filmed in sepia.

196. If a creepy, stammering fisherman gives you an amulet to ward off evil, you'd probably be well served to hang on to it; otherwise, you're doomed to become a minor character and die in an aborted sex scene.

197. Which actress makes it into the sequel? The worst one. (Seriously. I mean, this movie had terrible acting, but the woman who played Casper was downright atrocious.)

198. Transition: who needs it?

[–] wryterzblock 18 years ago

LOL- I forgot Casper was in the sequel, wtf???

199. Island zombies can also catapult themselves about in the air like they're in Cirque du freakin' Soleil.

200. Clearly, nepotism has NOT paid off for Clint Howard.

[–] emepol 18 years ago

201. Watching (or "seeing watch") an unknown female cop die, makes you feel worse than watching your true friends die.
202. It´s normal to be topless in a boat and call the only assistant a pervert when he just passes by where you are standing.
203. Zombies just love to jump.
204. Hearing the name of George Romero makes you wander why are you seeing this instead of a Romero zombie movie.

[–] DDefiance 18 years ago

205. It is possible to create an overly-elaborate commercial for a game that most people have already forgotten about.
206. He who does not follow the rules laid down by Scooby-Doo is condemned.
207. Plopping in-game footage all over does not qualify as filmmaking.
208. If your best friend has been killed, reanimated and then killed again, you are suddenly frozen in a blank stare.
209. When handling a DVD of "House of the Dead," use HAZMAT suits, extended tongs, and plenty of disinfectant.
210. You can explain all there is to know about a character in a single sentence.

There are millions of Games People Play,
But only one played by all.
It's called Life.

[–] randalltrebes 18 years ago

211. Zombies can look like orcs.
213. Why even let Mr, Boll even touch a camra?
214. There's always enough trampolines when you need them.
215. That it's ok to adapt an ARCADE video game from the late 1990s,base it in a totally driffrent location, change the plot, and have the Sci-Fi Channle drooling to get their hands on it.

Man, sarcasm can be funny somtimes.

[–] wryterzblock 17 years ago

LMAO... keep it up, folks. This is the best thread on the site.

[–] PeterGriffinLives 18 years ago

178. Undead masterminds have heads that act like those stress-relief dolls when you step on them...except they don't make a squeaking noise.

179. It is actually possible to make a film version of House of the Dead that makes the video game look intelligent by comparison.

180. I can succeed as a filmmaker in the future, because studios will throw money at you even if your script redefines the word "crap".

[–] PeterGriffinLives 18 years ago

181. The fact that Uwe boll keeps finding employment is concrete proof that Satan exists.

I like videogames. I like movies. In the name of both, Uwe Boll must be stopped!

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] A_Probably_Postman 17 years ago

223. If you come from Spain you automatically speak English but not Spanish.
224. Breathing loudly will not alert zombies to your presence but stepping on a little stick will.
225. When people die, all that happens is that the camera pans around them and the screen turns red.
226. Anyone who picks up a gun automatically turns into a trained Navy Seal. Plus, if you run out of ammo, you will automatically turn into a blackbelt.
227. Desert Eagles don't cause any kick back and are surprisingly easy to duel-wield.
228. One needs to smuggle machetes into the country because they are illegal.
229. Skanky outfits always come with gun holsters.
230. Bad rap is necessary during badass slow-mo sequences.
232. All Asians know karate.
233. If you only have one grenade, throw it into an empty well after one zombie, rather than wasting it killing several.
234. Don't worry about zombies that jump and spin around throwing axes, because your bullets will magically split into several pieces and the axe won't hit you.
235. Zombies that don't die after having various parts of their body chopped off can still be taken down by a single karate chop from an Asian chick.
236. Uwe Boll has apparently never heard of the term "kickback".
237. When firing a gun it is apparently nescessary to thrust your gun forward for it to work.
238. Bones fly across the screen for no apparent reason on a regular basis.
239. Why escape a the dangerous island on a perfectly accessable boat when you can run to a random house in the middle of the island and do a cheesy slow-mo battle that kills several of your party?
240. Zombies can apparently die from one shot to the chest.
241. Jonathan Cherry needs to drop Boll like a bad habit.
242. This movie cannot be for real...

If I weren't about to *beep* my pants I'd be *beep* fascinated.

[–] Akimbo_Slice 17 years ago

243. If you're a zombie, and your head is cut off, your body will live on until your head is crushed.

It's not pink! It's lightish red!

[–] Dubz18 17 years ago

244. It IS possible to blow up the front door of a house...twice

[–] projectcyclops 17 years ago

245. The lady needs to eat humble pie once in a while...

246. Your average hand-gun holds around 150 bullits!

247. Sexy teens know karate!

248. If you place a piece of chip-board gentley over an open window, it will stop rampaging zombies long enough for you to mourne the death a female agent you just met, who's had her legs ripped clean off.

249. Portable toilets make excellent hiding places from zombies but you always end up covered in crap.

250. "All this beer has to go somewhere!"

251. I learned to forgive entirly; Lucio Fulci, Jess Franco and all the 80's Italian horror directors who took liberties with zombie films, because they did a hell of a good job compared to this whako Uwe Boll.

[–] 17 years ago

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[–] thewholebrevitything 17 years ago

258. If you want to fly high in the air, dress up like a zombie and just jump on a trampoline. If this inadvertently is seen by your audience, it will make you jump twice as high.

259. Copious amounts of beer do not make you impotent. It will however make you oblivious to the fact that a zombie is clawing its way through your chest.

260. The zombies in this film are marginally more intelligent then the man who directed it.

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[–] d_ice_heart 17 years ago

WELL I THINK THIS A VIDEO GAME OR SOMETHING...THAT MAKE ME THINK IF RESIDENT EVIL EXTINCTION GONNA BE SUCK LIKE THIS...

HEY GUYS ARE ONLY 100 THING NOT 300

[–] KelVarnsen 17 years ago

261. The best place to smuggle Cuban cigars into the United States, is the San Juan Islands in Washington State (probably the farthest place from CUBA in the continental US)

262. A logical explanation for the things happening on the island is that it is smugglers who are trying to avoid attracting attention, because smugglers murdering a bunch of people on an island wouldn't attract any attention.

263. Putting all the nudity at the beginning of a really bad movie is really annoying.

[–] 17 years ago

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[–] bobslider 17 years ago

265. If you are trying to become immortal, be sure to hide zombies in every nook and cranny, even leave some in the basment for about 40 years so they are covered by moss and ivy, just in case.
266. Guns are easy to use, and they don't run out of ammo until the music stops.
267. Peeing on the floor of the tiny tent you're about to bang your girlfriend in is not very good manners.
268. Most good raves are held miles off the coast of oregon, on tiny, uninhabited islands. A single boat will ferry eveyone there at 5pm and never return.
269.if you are depressed, or in a life or death situation, your freinds will expect you to sacrifice yourself in a large exploding fireball.
270. It's better not to waste bullets on the digital zombies that sometimes appear. Save your ammo for the real ones.
271. I'ts good to say how you feel, what you are doing and what has happened when you choose to open your mouth. Stating the obvious is also great.
272. Science is easy when you have fishtanks and a microscope.
273. Tiny oregon dock ship inspection happens every second friday. This will be announced via bullhorn from 1000 feet away and closing.
274. Oregon is the new hotbed for Cuban cigar smugglers.

[–] sarathy 17 years ago

HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA

[–] shokwave-1 17 years ago

275. There's truth to the saying "you can tell there's a storm coming by wetting your finger and holding it in the wind." Hokey to be sure but it fit right in this movie.
276. All it takes is a 5 minute montage to learn how to fight like a marine/action hero.
277. Action sequences are better when you replay them in super speed after having just seen them at normal speed and slow motion.

[–] wabuckles 17 years ago

278. It's okay to use the same shot of zombies running through trees multiple times, everyone will be too scared of the zombies to notice.
279. Using random shots of in-game footages spliced in with normal film is fine, as long as you use shots with the words "FREE PLAY" or "INSERT COIN" in the dead center of the screen.
280. Only one zombie knows how to spit acid, the rest skipped class that day.
281. Despite the fact that the main villain reanimates the dead rather than bury them, there is a desperate need for a creepy cemetery next to his headquarters and labs.
282. If Uwe Boll is still making a good living off films like this, there's no reason my dog can't.

[–] winterOfMyDiscontent 17 years ago

283. Whenever you find yourself in trouble, surrounded by supernatural events, run to the nearest cottage and grab any book randomly, cause "maybe it will give us some answers". It will surely be a villain's dear diary.

"Since I am convinced myself I do not have to convince anybody else" Edgar Allan Poe