MovieChat Forums > Love Actually (2003) Discussion > Did you not like it because of the love ...

Did you not like it because of the love you've never had?

posted 9 years ago by vesil_vesalier
19 replies | jump to latest

I'm just throwing out ideas here, but the hate for this movie is so bitter and angry. Almost nobody that has commented about disliking the film has done so with a casual dislike, in fact it is just the opposite. Long, detailed posts about just how mean and horrible and sexist it all is, with no redeemable qualities whatsoever. Even the comedy is complained about.

I wonder if the movie strikes a nerve for some of us. For those of us who've tasted true love, it seems to warm our hearts. Is it possible that the reason you hate the film has to do with it exploring something you've always wanted but have never had yourself?

Not everyone experiences love, and worse, not everyone experiences it the way they wish they could. Even people who proudly tell everyone within shouting distance how amazing their relationship is (even without people asking or caring) suggests a "forced truth". "We've been in a good, solid, loving relationship for a very long time and we just HATE this film".

Which begs the question as to WHY you HATE this film. Dislike it, certainly. Have problems with it, okay. Are bothered by certain parts of it, I agree. But HATE it? Why? Especially if you are SO much in love, and are SO secure in your relationship, where does all your hatred come from? Even if you disagree with what you see on the screen... Why do you VEHEMENTLY hate this film?

There's something interesting going on here, something just beneath the surface that nobody is talking about. Love is the one thing we all desperately want, more than anything else in life. If we don't get it, we learn to hate, instead. Isn't it just possible that those of you who hate the film hate it because it makes you feel bad? Not because it's a bad film?

Tell me what you think. And try to be honest. With me. With us.

With yourself.

My thoughts: https://xanderpayne.blogspot.com
My book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G6OI7HG

You didn't come here to make the choice, you're here to understand why you made it.

[–] louiseculmer 8 years ago

I don't see how wherher you are in love yourself need affect how you feel about the film. It is, after all, not all about happy endings. there's the bloke who has unrequited love for his best friend's wife, there's the marriage that is spoilt by the husband's affair, and there's the girl who can't manage to have a relationship because of her devotion to her brother. people have various different reasons for disliking parts of the film - I find some of it much too sentimental for instance.

[–] vesil_vesalier 8 years ago

I don't think you can have love without sentiment. I believe the two are directly interconnected.

My thoughts: https://xanderpayne.blogspot.com
My book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G6OI7HG

You didn't come here to make the choice, you're here to understand why you made it.

[–] louiseculmer 8 years ago

i prefer it when it is more lighthearted and doesn't become maudlin. as in the Hugh Grant and Colin Firth storylines for instance.

[–] Crocodile (3183) 4 years ago

[deleted]

[–] wyliec 8 years ago

Most of the movie is lighthearted the way love often is. But also shows the difficult part of love - recovering trust; the choice of love where there is no right answer, just a choice - the brother or the boyfriend.

For many people these situations resonate with life experiences. For others maybe it is more hypothetical and not realistic.

OTOH I know a couple that hate the movie because of Hugh Grant's accent

[–] NikolajCostas1005 8 years ago

I'm pretty cynical and my life is generally loveless, but I liked this movie. It has a "feel good" element to it and I like the picturesque, fantastical U.K. atmosphere.

I can understand why people would hate it though. Some of the stories follow the exact cliche chick flick archetypes to a 'T'. The acting and directing for those atories are accordingly pretty over the top. Some examples are Colin Firth and Hugh Grant's respective plots. On their own, they're pretty much cookie cutter romance films. Don't get me wrong, I think they work in the larger frame of the story.

Eh I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but NO GIRLS!

[–] BrooklynNellie 8 years ago

I'm unloved and lonely, but I enjoy this movie and watch it at least once a year.

[–] gb901 8 years ago

No, because it's so sickeningly twee!

[–] vesil_vesalier 8 years ago

What the hell is "twee"?

My thoughts: https://xanderpayne.blogspot.com
My book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G6OI7HG

You didn't come here to make the choice, you're here to understand why you made it.

[–] louiseculmer 8 years ago

twee means excessively or affectedly sentimental, pretty, or quaint. i personally find the storyline about the lovesick stepson twee, all it needs is a lovable hairy dog.

[–] vesil_vesalier 8 years ago

Who makes up this stuff? And why??

My thoughts: https://xanderpayne.blogspot.com
My book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G6OI7HG

You didn't come here to make the choice, you're here to understand why you made it.

[–] Mr_fizzlepop 8 years ago

Love is the one thing we all desperately want, more than anything else in life. If we don't get it, we learn to hate, instead.

I don't agree with that.

As to the movie, I think there were many good scenes, but as an example the cue card scene just seemed selfish and immature. Sure it's an example of unrequited love, but it could have played out with another friend that he talked about it to or something instead of a display that is damaging to both himself and that couples relationship.

In it's mature form, Mark would be happy Juliet was in a happy loving relationship. It doesn't mean he still wouldn't want to be the other person in that relationship, just that he'd be mature enough to know that his feelings don't mean that they would end up being the happy couple that Peter and Juliet are in that movie, and that taking an action like the cue card scene would in no way bring Juliet more happiness.

So really Mark was just an immature, selfish, prick that acted out to sabotage Juliet's happy relationship.

It seems to think it's a "feel good" movie, but that storyline brought me no pleasure, and almost zero entertainment value.

If You're Failing to Plan,
You're Planning to Fail.

[–] vesil_vesalier 8 years ago

I'm sorry, but everything in your post speaks to a level of inexperience.

How old are you? And how many serious relationships have you been in? And how long did they last? And did you do the breaking up or did they?

My blog about human nature:https://xanderpayne.blogspot.com
My book, about Lucifer's last shot at Yahweh (fictional from an atheist's perspective): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G6OI7HG

You didn't come here to make the choice, you're here to understand why you made it.

[–] Mr_fizzlepop 8 years ago

I'm sorry, nothing in your reply post spoke to anything specific about the scene I mentioned.

I do love the spotlight though, so thanks for making it all about me.[Sarcasm]

If You're Failing to Plan,
You're Planning to Fail.

[–] vesil_vesalier 8 years ago

1. You said you didn't agree with my statement, that without love we learn to hate. You didn't say why.

2. The cue card scene seemed selfish and immature, you said. I don't understand why. His original behavior was to keep his feelings secret, by using cue cards he was able to tell her how he felt without really saying anything out loud. A kind of middle ground, where you don't really say out loud how you feel, but you express it in a creative way. And as for it damaging both her and her relationship, we don't know what happens next, do we? Certainly we can assume they act on their feelings, but nothing is shown past the cue card scene to tell us what happens next, so we just don't know.

3. This is one of those comments that made me suggest your lack of experience. You speak of "mature behavior" when it comes to the volatiliy of love, which suggests you've never been there. There's an incredibly strong pull that happens when you fall in love with someone, and it's difficult to resist. Not everyone can. Mark illustrated his attempt to resist when he was mean to Juliet and when he chose to never share his feelings. The only reason his feelings came out at all is through the video he shot of her, where he couldn't help himself from filming her because of how he felt. Feelings do not mean you end up being a happy couple, but once again I have to suggest a lack of experience, BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS THAT. Nobody knows if they will be a happy couple. Even if they start out happy, there's nothing to guaranteen ANYBODY lasts.

4. If you really think that Mark is immature, then you ignore his original behavior of not showing Juliet his true feelings, and even trying to push her away by making her think he didn't like her. If you think he was being selfish, you once again ignore his attempts to push her away. If you think he was a prick, you're being judgmental, based on some pure idea of love in you mind that is not a reflection of REAL love. And if you think he deliberately tried to sabotage her happy relationship, you either weren't paying full attention to everything that was going on, or you once again have no idea what it feels like to be in love.

5. Not everything in this movie was "feel good". One man cheated on his wife. One had to choose her brother over her heart. And Mark was stuck between how he felt and the friendship he had. Nothing about this movie was "simple". Nothing about it was "easy".

Because love is not anything of those things. It's powerful. It's complicated. It's dangerous. And once again, based on your reply, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER BEEN THERE.

My blog about human nature:https://xanderpayne.blogspot.com
My book, about Lucifer's last shot at Yahweh (fictional from an atheist's perspective): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01G6OI7HG

You didn't come here to make the choice, you're here to understand why you made it.

[–] louiseculmer 8 years ago

i don't think mark was trying to sabotage anything. he had kept his feelings to himself, Juliet would never have known if she hadn't barged into his place and forced him to put on the wedding video. And since she already knew how he felt, i don't think there was any harm in the card scene. it is pretty silly (it could easily have been peter who came to the door), but it made Juliet laugh, and it lightened what could have been a very awkward situation.

[–] Mr_fizzlepop 8 years ago

There's a thread on this scene that goes over the whole creeper/stalker aspect, but I will say I think Mark's intent was not to sabotage anything.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/board/nest/241946711

If You're Failing to Plan,
You're Planning to Fail.

[–] CharlotteGoldenblatt 8 years ago

When I first saw this film, I was single and looking for love and loved this movie. It made me yearn for love even more, and Jamie's story inspired me.

[–] Dainty (2072) 4 years ago

This films hardly portrays love; it promotes men’s lust as the key to acceptable partnerships.

Personally I don’t like love at first sight and I have never engaged in that side of me in real life. It’s a bad idea for everyone because it’s unsafe and doesn’t make a good foundation for me.

I don’t envy anyone in this film for what happened to them.