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Scenes/dialogue that make you laugh out loud

posted 18 years ago by Bloom6000
9 replies | jump to latest

The Xmas episode was hilarious!!!

Kelly: I said STICK, not d*ck!
Jack: You said D*CK!
Kelly: STICK!
Jack: D*CK!
Kelly: STICK!
Jack: D*CK!
Kelly: STICK!
Jack: D*CK!
Kelly: STICK!
Jack: D*CK!
Ozzy: Woah, woah!! Five to five! Bleepin hell, man! WE'RE OFF!!!

Girl: Kelly, I don't like the redness in your dad's hair.
Kelly: Well, I don't like your dad's baldness. Go get a bleepin toupee!

Jack: Look, it's a SMALL knife, okey? I'm NOT going out with it!
Sharon: Excuse me, THAT'S an lethal weapon. It's illegal to go out with a knife. You can get locked up for that! When the police arrest you, I'll just say: 'Lock the bleeper up!!!'
Jack: I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH IT! DONT BLEEPIN TAKE IT AWAY!!!
Ozzy: Jack, if you get busted, I'm gonna bust your arse! Don't bleep with knives man! Don't go out with that army hair cut, that bleeping tee shirt with cocaine on your bleeping tee shirt and a bleeping - GIVE ME THE BLEEPING KNIFE!!

[–] babygiraffe123 18 years ago

*There's an episode in season 2 when Ozzy and Kelly are in New York and Jack is away at camp*

Kelly: (sniffs cheese) "What kind of cheese is this?"
Ozzy: "Rwanda cheese."
Kelly: "Oh, *beep* off, Dad! *Kelly's cell phone rings* Sorry, Dad."

ROFLMFAO! I don't know why, but that part cracks me up every time.

There's also a deleted scene in the unaired bonus features called Kelly's Like Mike Tyson (or something) on The Osbournes 2 1/2 that busts me up all the time. Kelly is staying at The Peninsula Hotel with Sharon and a group of other people and the one guy starts play-fighting with Kelly, who knocks red wine on the floor. A few minutes later, Kelly starts wrestling with Sharon on the floor. ROFLMFAO!

I love that!

Also in The Osbournes 2 1/2, there's a scene in the episode where Jack meets Christina Aguilera that makes me laugh every time.

*Jack is bragging to a friend about Christina Aguilera*

Jack's Friend: "Dude, I sat on your beanbag and sent my dog flying!"
*Jack bounces on the chair, the dog flies off, and lands on the the floor*
Jack's Friend: (laughing) "Jesus, dude!"
Jack: "Oh, s***! Super miracle!"

[–] daneapril 18 years ago

In the Osbournes Season 2 Part disc, there is an episode where Ozzy is watching the Two Fat Ladies cooking bread

OZZY: I'm watching the f...king bread baking channel...These two f...king old c..ts baking f...king bread.

[–] BethH24 16 years ago

when ozzy fell over on a chair,i cant remember which episode it was,and when ozzy said " who p....d on my f..king " carpet ! ".lol !.

and the way ozzy shouts " sharon ! ", cracks me up every time !

i cant remember any more quotes,i havent seen the show for along time, but if i see it again and find any more funny quotes,i'll add them.

[–] jellybobnash 16 years ago

Kelly: They make you like, feed a tree before you feed yourself.
Ozzy: Feed a tree? What... you put a ham sandwich on the tree?

Ozzy: Shut up you f----- c---!... I apologize for using that word, Sharon. You call a woman a c---, you get an immediate feeling of death come over you.

Then I love as soon as the dog trainer leaves, the dog craps on the floor, and Sharon yells, MINNIE YOU DUMMY!

[–] emma_nelson11 16 years ago

Sharon: At school my head mistress said I would amount to nothing, she can eat my *beep* haha

[–] The_nettle 16 years ago

Ozzy clearing up after a party and looking in the bin. "Now who would put a balloon in the bin?!"....."burst the f ucking thing!"

The whole scene with Jack hiding the knife and Ozzy trying to hide it/take it from him. brilliant.

"jack you're not going out with a t-shirt, with cocaine on your t-shirt...and give me the f ucking knife!"

"Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today."

[–] taicraven 15 years ago

Season 1, unaired footage

Sharon: I took Minnie into a meeting today
Ozzy: She sh*t?
Sharon: Black diarrhea
Ozzy: Fabulous! Was it someone we hate?

((Heavens to Murgatroid))

[–] LebaneseLesbian 15 years ago

Kelly: I'm going to the movies.
Sharon: You're F-n not, because it's f-n Christmas and you're staying here

Ozzy: Now who puts a balloon in a trash can? Burst the f-n thing.

Up in smoke, that's where my money goes

[–] sonomagirl2120 14 years ago

The very first ep, Ozzy and Jack are excited to find rifles w bayonets amongst their things as the family moves into their new home. Kelly yells down the stairs to them *You're so violent*. In perfect unison both Ozzy and Jack reply *Shaddup!!*