1. When entertaining guests, don't keep your cat in the freezer.
2. Dr. Frankenstein could have also used his eye if electric didn't work.
3. Don't let blind children play with your toys.
4. It really turns a guy off when you yell at your doll.
5. Don't trust someone holding a scalpel to your neck.
6. If a woman asks you if you like pussy, she isn't talking about cats.
7. Do not try to reenact horror films with your boyfriend. He likes weird, but not THAT weird.
8. Be nice to the weird girls. You might get to keep your hands.
I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him, but I missed it.
9) Nobody's perfect, but parts of them can be.
share10. Dogs usually have four legs.
11. Oddness is okay - up to a point.
12. Avoid working-floor relationships; with BOTH sexes!
13. Morbidness can be so close to sadness.
14. Never re-work a poster for Dario Argento's Opera.
15. Normally, it wouldn't turn anybody on when you bite his toungue.
16. Make sure you have the heavy suture in stock before you perform intestinal surgery.
17. Don't use, "the washing machine doesn't work" excuse when you want to get away from an unwanted suitor at a laundramat.
18. Do psychological evaluations on all school volunteers.
19. Do not ask your doll for 'kissing' advice
20.Don't go up to strangers and caress their hands.
21.Don't walk about in a see-through shirt without a bra.
22.If you don't have a friend, make one.
23. One strike with a surgical scalpel in the chest, will kill a hunk in seconds.
24. If you have an eye patch; imagine that you are a pirate.. Pirates have a lot a fans.
25. You can remove your eye ball with a huge scissors, and it will remain in perfect shape.. Now who needs surgeons ?
26. If you want a dead pet in freezer; let it be a penguin or a fish... Ok, or a turkey or a chicken..
27. Thank God; she wasn't looking for any other 'good-looking' organs !
Better to Reign in Hell than to Serve in Heaven
28. Apparently if you are hot you can cool off by rubbing ice on your nipples
29. Real blood makes the best Halloween costumes
30. When blind kids hear breaking glass they will immediately shove their hands to the ground
31. Directors like to make out in elevators
32. You can cover the smell of your rotting cat with air freshner.
33. Blind children are very persistent, and don't understand what ''no'' means.
34. You could live on JuJubees
35. Nobody will want to be your friend after finding out you keep a dead cat in your freezer.
36. On Halloween, you can roam the streets while dragging around a blood drenched cooler containing real human limbs, people will think it's a kick ass costume.
37. A tiny and frail woman can be outstandingly powerful during a psychotic episode; she can stab through your skull with a pair of scissors.
38. They hire anyone at day care centers to work at the front desk.
39. The perfect first date is sitting in an old car with chips and dip on the front of the car.
40. Don't take "You have a pretty neck" as a complement.
41. Crazy guys who love Gore movies, hate getting bite.
"Some drunk writer once said that there are no great second acts in life".
42. Stories of dogs' sutures bursting open make for perfect lunch conversation.
43. May needed practice smoking.
44. Ambrosia had nice gams.
45. Ripping the wrapping paper off of a gift apparently ruins it.
46. The best way to pick up a guy is to throw laundry detergent on him.
47. A scalpel is also known as a scupel.
48. Jeremy Sisto always dies in every other movie he's in.
49. Polly's landlady is a real bitch.
50. Nothing can ruin your girl-on-girl moment quite like a big, ugly mole on your finger.
51. Any girl who waits outside your door for 2 hours..... is likely to kill you when things go awry.
52. Take your doll out of the box before trying to share it with blind kids.
53. When someone with a punk rock hairdo calls you a freak.....you are one scary bitch.
54. If your girlfriend can talk about a dog exploding while laughing, don't be surprised if she keeps people's body parts in her freezer.
55. Don't make Angela Bettis mad. You'll either lose one of your body parts or you may get impaled by a random high school gym object.
56. Cannabalistic films scream romance.
57. Cutting out your own eye isn't painful. That's just a lie doctors tell you.
58. Lover, the other white meat.
59. Never cry over spilled milk...or spilled whore blood.
60. If your mother is an über control freak, you will, in turn, turn out to be an über freak.
61. JuJuBees are the loudest chewy candy, ever. *cow smackin' good*
62. An ugly mole is a complete lesbian deal breaker.
63. dudes what make horror movies & put horror stuff all over their walls are not experimental in the slightest - - - total witebread
64. Faris rilly is the freak "we" thought she might be
65. that's not acting - - - I know acting & that's not it
66. death comes pretty easy 2 some - - - nun of this "he's not rilly dead yet momnets in this one"
67. one pack of -yiggs is all u rilly need
68. show & tell for blind kids - - - uh - - - glass case? Uh I am so like shur like nobody wood shay anything they'd just watch from accrosstaroom yeah uh no uh like hey hello? best scenen'a movie!
U can get happy in the same pant U got pissed in. - Suz M.
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70. No buddy in Holly's-wood (or where ever where ever) ever looks @ any buddy on the street - - - U can so so so wander around dripping blood or skin on fire & not catch an eye
o0o &
still tripping on the show & tell 4 blind kidz with the borken glass
that may make May in 2 one of my must C's
scissors 2 banjo
banjo scissoroo
40. It's a good thing to be a laborer so you're never mistaken for a hand model.
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41. A dog's leg can apparently be re-attached with no trouble, despite being left out in the elements for days.
42. Psychos can smear blood on their mouths and never worry about HIV, any other STDs or hepatitis.
43. When a girl smiles while telling a story about a man finding his beloved dog with its guts exploded, run for your life right then.
"I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus."
"Didn't he discover America?"
"Penfold, shush."
44. Lesbians aren't any more monogamous than men.
76- "Let's hang out and eat melons" is the best hook up line for lesbians.
77- Cutting yourself with a scalpel is relaxing and sexually arousing.
ill use it, to see what happens. :o
78: It should be surprising that someone has never seen an obscure film from an obscure director. "I'm going to see Trauma by Dario Argento." "What's that a film?" "You never seen Trauma? Really?."
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79. It's not possible to make friends if you have a lazy eye.
80. May has a hand fetish.
81. May has an uncanny ability to understand everything Dr. Sarkizan says.
82. Your dog's leg can fall off when you're away on vacation.
83. Half a sandwich is a filling lunch for a big guy like Adam.
84. Gatorate goes great with macaroni and cheese.
85. Cannibalism horror movies are sweet.
86. Adam likes weird a lot, just not that weird.
87. Polly loves weird.
88. If you see a dead cat in someone's freezer, try your best not to freak out.
89. It's imperfections that make you special.
90. Legs can also be called gams, stems, wheels... whatever.
91. "Quagledoo" sounds like russian.
92. If you're gonna make a friend out of sawed-off body parts, make sure you don't forget to grab a pair of eyeballs from one of the corpses.