Things you've learned from Fear dot Com (spoilers)

1. Pointing a gun at a flame makes it go away.

2. Minutes after someone tells you not to go on a website, you have to do it.

3. You can not only survive being stabbed in the neck, but be perfectly fine afterwards.

4. She wanted revenge - not to be buried.

5. You get revenge by coming back as a computer.

6. The doctor broadcasts himself yet gets killed on his own website. Therefore he designed, set it up and ran it without logging in.

7. The first instinct of a dying man is to reach for the nearest keyboard and TYPE.

8. Computer networks can harness energy.

9. That computer book is a load of sh**.

10. But it still rings true.

11. Haemophiliacs love playing in building and construction sites.

12. Somebody actually thought that the story was good enough to be made into a movie.

13. Gentlemen prefer blondes, even though they could probably get Natascha McElhorne.

14. If you're looking underwater for someone's remains, still act shocked when you see a body.

15. When you see a white, bouncy, harmless-looking ball, sh** yourself.

16. Girls play with bouncy balls until they meet boys.

17. Youtube barely works on my computer, but in 2002, a website can load full-screen hi-resolution graphics in no time.

18. And it also knows your name.

19. All punks used to be in the Sex Pistols, even German ones.

20. You can easily research dead people's fears when they were alive.

21. Computer geeks love to walk along railways.

22. Seeing a ghostly toddler is scarier than seeing the fully grown person who this film is actually about.

23. A wrong number is an adequate note to finish a film on.

24. This movie teaches us about irony - it preaches about how the internet shows birth, life and sex, and also death - when this movie is certain career death for all those involved.

25. There's clearly nothing better to spend 42 million dollars on.

26. Scientists can immediately promote themselves to the equivalent of policeman.

27. Terry Husdon shouldn't keep her door unlocked.

28 Subtely replacing the Ring's 24 hour gimmick with 48 hours is a fiendishly clever attempt to evade cries of plagiarism. Hmmm.

29. The best way to go after a doctor you've been tracking for ages is to put yourself into an internet death trap. This will lead you to him through a trail of clues given to you by a ghost victim wanting revenge. But she won't try to help you, but give you disease-like symptoms and try and freak you out. It all makes sense!

30. Old women with cloudy contact lenses always wait for you.