MovieChat Forums > I Am Sam (2002) Discussion > Love is NOT all you need.

Love is NOT all you need.

posted 11 years ago by SaCha1689
8 replies | jump to latest

Love matters, of course, and it's an essential part of raising a child. But millions of parents who love their children still end up screwing them up so they end up in therapy. Love alone just doesn't cut it. Really, when a film takes on an issue like this, it has to fairly present both sides of the argument, not portray Sam as an angel and the big, bad legal system as a bunch of over-the-top heartless demons.

The subplot with Rita and her strained relationship with her son just felt like the film was hammering me over the head with, "SEE?! Rita is normal but still a bad mom, therefore Sam should get Lucy!" Wow, that's a stretch. And I bet you Rita loved her son as well, but that didn't make her a good mom, nor does love make Sam a capable parent.

To those who say taking care of Sam will make Lucy smarter, more mature and compassionate... on the contrary, she could turn out to have co-dependecy issues, be unable to relate to children her age, and may resent her father someday. Maybe in her teen years she'll get fed up looking after him, crave some independence and enter a rebellious phase, which Sam won't be able to handle.

Granted, the movie ended with a good compromise: Sam and the adoptive parents raise Lucy together. That's great. But the rest of the film is way too one-sided and simplistic to be taken seriously.

[–] SkyfireX 11 years ago

If criminals and religious nuts are permitted to give birth to and raise children, Same can too and judging from the movie, he will do a better job than them.

nearly half of this planet doesn't deserve to reproduce, but they still do. I dont think Sam would have done any worse than them.

My job is to watch stupid movies and complain about them on IMDB

[–] PsychiatricPezDispenser 11 years ago

But this was a very particular situation. It's not like Sam was a booze hound or a crackhead or anything like that. He was slow but very capable of caring for his daughter, at least with some help. If he wasn't- this wouldn't even be a topic as the film would not have no point. EVERY parent has issues. There is ALWAYS that risk of their kid being screwed up in some way. That doesn't mean only the most perfect human beings on the face of the earth should be allowed to reproduce or raise children. In theory, I totally understand you and agree because there really are a lot of people who are not fit to be parents but not in this particular situation.

[–] brightwhitehorses 11 years ago

I couldn't agree more. I was raised by a mentally handicapped mother. It was literally terrifying to be smarter than her, to have to translate everything she said and did to other adults. No 6 year old should have to take care of their parent or be the adult in adult situations. I didn't know what to do, I was afraid all of the time. Someone had to be in charge and it was so scary to have to be the one in charge when I didn't know anything about the world.

It has permanent effects. I have frequent panic attacks at 34 years old. I don't want children because I feel like I spent the first half of my life taking care of a grown up child. I had no friends as a child because I was a 6 year old grown up and didn't know how to interact with people my own age, this has persisted into my adulthood and I do a good job of acting the part but can't actually have relationships with people.

No one intervened because my mother was sweet, like Sam, and no one wanted to hurt her feelings. I wish someone had taken the risk of hurting her feelings so I could have had a moment to be a kid, to have someone take care of me and be the grown up for a change.

[–] super-staff 11 years ago

^Ladies and gentlemen, this is why SaCha1689 has a point.

Yes, there are parents out there who would be worse than Sam. However, that doesn't mean that the situation Sam and his daughter had was ideal or healthy. As the OP mentioned, I believe she would grow up to rebel and resent her father.

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] SaCha1689 11 years ago

I'm sorry you had to go through that. No child should ever be expected to take care of their parents.

Granted, Lucy wanted to stay with him, but how many 7-year-olds would know what's best for them? By the time she's a teenager, she'll need someone to talk to about puberty, dating, sex, recreational drugs, etc., things that Sam can't comprehend. Sure, she might have teachers and counselors she could talk to, but that's no substitute for having a parent on hand to give insight and advice.

Peter, is your social worker inside that horse?

[–] MadSimian 10 years ago

And Sam was more than smart enough to realize all of that. Why do you think he was always asking Annie for advice and made her Lucy's godmother? Why do you think, at the end when Randy brings sleeping Lucy over, Sam says to her that Lucy DOES need a mother and that he thinks Randy would be great in that role? I'm sure even Rita will have some role in these things as well.

In other words, I think the movie made it pretty clear that Lucy would have had more than enough female "relatives"(Annie is like her grandmother, Randy her mother and Rita her aunt) to support her in those areas, in fact, maybe more so than your average teenage girl would.

What choice do I have? It is as if you have grabbed me by the base of my snarglies!

[–] IL_Maestro 11 years ago

That is rite, his lawyer Rita loved her son Willy but that wasn't enuff
she could've stayed at home to listen to him and take care of him instead of telling him can we talk abt it when I get home as she clearly didn't need the money
but Sam did the best he could, he did better with Lucy
I think a good parent is a parent who can give u all he is got, not all u want
I would a parent to give me all he/she is got, I can understand if they can't give me somethings
he was a good person, his major interest was his daughter, he didn't run away like her mom did although she wasn't retarded like him and he tried to do everything he could to make it better for her
if that is not enuff and if he is not perfect, is he the only one not being a perfect parent? is he the only one not enuff for his kid?
coz being retarded doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings and that it hurts him to lose his daughter
so if he is gonna lose her then a lot of others should too, r they even monitored to see whether they r perfect or not?
also there is something I wanna say, the other parents would give her money and take care of her in a way Sam couldn't, but could they ever give her that kind of love only he could give her?
sure they can love her but love as a parent differs from any other love
I am aware that a parent could do for his/her kid way more than they could do for themselves
could the other parents adopting her give her that?
I myself would prefer to have a parent like him instead of parents who could give me a lot more but not all they got like him, coz it matters to me to see I get all I could get from my parents, all attention and all care etc...
and anything they can't give me is ok with me, as long as they really can't.

"It is never about what happened, it is only how you look at it!"