MovieChat Forums > Domestic Disturbance (2001) Discussion > Being a father in our society

Being a father in our society

posted 21 years ago by pdupuis11
10 replies | jump to latest

the guard of the child after a divorce is more than often gave to the mother, Maybe it's better this way, I don't know. But what I do know is that it is more likely that a woman is gonna bring a jackass, a moron or even a violent man in her life after a divorce... Divorce men never gonna keep a woman who is violent with their child... Women on the other hand tend to close their eyes on some disturbing behavior... I think this movie was all about that.. John travolta is ready to lose is girlfriend even though he knows that his child often lies...Teri Polo's caracter prefers to close her eyes and believe in a new happy life... I'm sorry for my poor english... please, give me your opinion...

[–] RedfieldAlpha 21 years ago

I'm with you on that one. I think society has been pacified to such an extent that the ones who raise a hand to someone do it out of the darkest reasons and do it well planned, while good guys can never even point a finger yet alone defend what has to be defended because the badness... "it does not happen" is the battle cry of ideology, the desperate need for people to pretend life is all good and safe because it's easier for them to believe that. And they make it damn hard for a man to be a man and say "no it does happen and I am going to save my son/girlfriend/and so on".

[–] JTPB 20 years ago

Why in heaven's name the boy had to stay with his mother ? It was obvious from the beginning that the boy wanted to stay with his father. If this film portraited a normal USA situation, then parenthood in the USA has a very cruel side. But then there would be no story. For me this films sucks from the very beginning, although it opened my eyes about this subject.

[–] 20 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Computer_Stud 19 years ago

John Travolta's character was a good guy but he also had a past drinking problem that the audience never got to see. I've seen really great guys act completely different when they've had a few drinks in their system. That is why the ex-wife got custody in the movie.

[–] MalTru 19 years ago

Computer Stud is right; Danny was with his mother originally because of Frank's drinking problem. However, if Rick hadn't intimidated Danny right before the custody hearing, I'm pretty sure he would have ended up going home with Frank.

Also, I disagree with the original poster. Men are just as likely to bring home a girl who is violent and abusive towards their child/children; the media doesn't portray it as often so people don't really ever think about it, but it's actually a classic situation. I mean, it's even in fairy tales (i.e. Cinderella, Snow White)! I think saying that divorced men would never keep a girl that's violent towards their children is a complete mis-statement!

[–] immortalwolf772 19 years ago

"I think saying that divorced men would never keep a girl that's violent towards their children is a complete mis-statement!"

yeah but i have to disagree with you for the simple fact that men are men because they act less on emontion and with logic. NOT ALWAYS but MOSTLY. and im using scientific evidence here. men and women have diffrent hormon levels causing them to think diffrent ways because of the effects that hormon has on the body AND MIND. so often times women pretend like there is no problem due to there emontional way of thinking.

[–] MalTru 19 years ago

I agree, obviously men and women have different hormones and react different, etc. I'm just saying that it is POSSIBLE (not trying to yell, trying to stress, but don't know how to italicize on these boards) a man would keep an abusive girlfriend around. I was just saying it is possible; it's less common, yes, but still, it does happen.

[–] KansaMS 18 years ago

How about the fact that some (not ALL) men who have children from a previous marriage hunt a woman who wants this neat little package family. When this is accomplished, he goes back to his life of working and doing his own thing and figures that she had the kid to keep her occupied and vice versa. This can create conflict when she figures out that she is no more than a glorified babysitter for his child(ren) of another woman and starts to resent this.

I would think that this would be the reason that some step mothers treat the children sourly.

And by the way, to the OP, women who get divorced are LESS LIKELY to get involved with a violent man, or someone that even makes them jump. After you get burned once, it is less likely you will repeat the same mistake whereas it has been studied that men tend to try to find the same qualities in a new mate that the first one had.

[–] truantone 11 years ago

Sorry, but if you're going to make sweeping statements about divorced women then I'm going to have to ask you to back that up with facts, statistics, and sources. Oh wait, you can't.

What you CAN say, what IS unequivocally true, is that men are far more likely than women to be violent towards others. That said, it stands to reason - statistically - that women are more likely to end up with violent partners.

As for women closing 'their eyes on disturbing behaviour', this is absolute rubbish. Individuals cope in their own way and there is no set pattern amongst divorced women. It very much depends upon personality, upbringing, life experience, character, support from family and friends...

[–] olliemankz 10 years ago

But we hear it in the news all the time ... a woman invites a boyfriend into the house, often for him to do the babysitting, and, bam! Poor child is dead from having been shaken, abused, molestation covered up, etc.

I'm going to possibly generalize a little further and say perhaps that depends more on the class of the woman but many women do make the terrible mistake of getting rid of a decent guy or at least a halfway decent guy and then going for romance again, while in many cases ... not the one in this movie but too often ... they become targets for men who are looking for the ready-made situation themselves: a woman ready to delude herself in the interests of "romance" who has a child the age and sex the man would like to molest. Or the man might be in the relationship for other reasons, including that he doesn't wish to work for whatever reason, and as the child, say a girl, matures, then pedophilia which he might not have known he had kicks in. At any rate, I'm sorry, I'm female but there are a lot of females out there who do put themselves first trying to repeat that feeling of being in love with someone who really turns their crank and rationalizing to themselves that their child needs a father. Whereas, in truth, if a woman's relationship ends unhappily, she is better off raising the child to adulthood with no more liasons on her part. (--Radio psychologist Laura Schlessinger.)

I think one reason you may not see this so much in men, using a very subjective experience of not hearing about it a lot, is that so often women get custody as a sort of knee-jerk reaction of the court. I also think in general terms that some of the posters here are right, men are looking in a very straightforward way for someone to take care of the child while they work. They sure as heck are looking for someone to take care of them when they're older if their first wives pass away!!!!