MovieChat Forums > Gilmore Girls (2000) Discussion > Rory running away to Hartford

Rory running away to Hartford

posted 8 years ago by jaylee-03031
21 replies | jump to latest

I just watched the episode again where Rory gets in a bad mood because her break up, Lane and Dean working on a science project without Lane telling her, and then Lorelai doesn't tell her she is dating Max again. She then mouths off to Lorelai and then books it on a cab to Richard and Emily's house without telling her mother where she was going.

What bugs me about this episode is that Rory does not suffer any consequences for talking disrespectfully to her mother and taking off to another city entirely without telling her mother where she was going. I get Lorelai is happy that her daughter is safe and feels guilty because Rory didn't say I love you back to Dean, but Rory should have faced some kind of punishment for what she did. Yeah tell her you are glad she is okay but then punish her. Instead she is told by her mom that is okay what she did and her grandparents seemed happy that she ran away and did not once tell her it was not okay to run off and scare her mom like that. Emily knows what it is like to have a daughter run away-you think she would have talked to Rory about running away but she smirks about how Rory ran to them. She looked darn right gleeful while Lorelai is freaking out at home. I guess now Lorelai had a glimpse of how Emily felt when she ran away.

If I had done that when I was Rory's age my parents would have said they were glad I was safe and then would have grounded me and I would gotten my dad's belt.

Rory was not taught that what she did was wrong and that there are better ways to cope with break ups and stress besides mouthing off and running away. This sets up her for her behavior in later seasons where she steals a yacht and again runs off to Richard and Emily.

[–] Jackal113 8 years ago

Yeah, Emily was relishing every moment of that. I think she knew what she was doing--reprimanding Rory would have meant losing her if similar situations arose in the future. And of course in the season five finale, she went expressly against Lorelai's wishes and sided with Rory on the Yale issue, allowing her to stay in the poolhouse.

[–] nuhor_lir_gurenna 8 years ago

I don't think it is Emily's place to scold Rory, but other than that I agree. The only time Lorelai did not fully support Rory was when Rory slept with a married man, other than that Lorelai tolerated and even defended all Rory's mistakes even when Rory stole a yacht.

In the entire show Lorelai never punished Rory for anything she did wrong.

A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist - Sir Humphrey Appleby

[–] cocogurl-95192 8 years ago

I agree. This a situation where there should've been some consequences for her behavior. I don't care how sad you are about a break-up, if my daughter did this and left me to worry about her like that, she'd be in HUGE trouble.

And yes, Emily annoyed me. This was a moment where she should've had Lorelai's back and got on Rory for running away, but she was too busy enjoying the fact that Rory ran to her and Richard to do that. This wasn't my favorite moment in the show.

[–] isabellaconnor 8 years ago

She does this several times throughout the series. Rory is by far the most manipulative person on the show. She claims in the episode 'Emily in wonderland' that she wants Emily and Lorelai to reconcile or at least openly discuss their issues. Yet, in spite of this, every major time she and Lorelai have an argument she continues to cuddle up to the grandparents, knowing it'll make Lorelai furious and irrational and exacberate the tension between Lorelai and Richard and Emily.

[–] biba_yu 8 years ago

Lorelei basically taught Rory her whole life that she is an innocent angel and that she can do no wrong, so she not only tolerated her everything but put the blame on all other persons to get all responsibility from Rory. Though I find Rory generally ok (but I saw only first 3 seasons for now), I find Lorelei to be mostly horrible parent and daughter. She feeds Rory fast food and never lets her take responsibility or blame for anything (which actually Rory wants to take), to that point that she yells at her when Rory wants to say she is guilty of something. As a mother I find that extremely wrong. Teach kids to take responsibility. They will survive it.

[–] Jackal113 8 years ago

We also have to remember that Lorelai's parenting philosophy was to remove the structures and discipline that she was brought up with. Which doesn't mean she was afraid to put her foot down when she saw fit--in the pilot episode, she told a recalcitrant Rory that attending Chilton wasn't going to be a choice but a unilateral decision.

[–] nuhor_lir_gurenna 8 years ago

So democracy if you agree with me or dictatorship if you don't 

A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist - Sir Humphrey Appleby

[–] kathykato 8 years ago

I know we disagreed in another thread over whether or not Rory should have been disciplined for falling asleep and not coming home the night of the Chilton dance. I stand by my view that it was an accident, and Lorelai did right by cutting her some slack after her initial freak out. However, in this particular set of circumstances, I feel Rory should have been grounded because was she did was deliberate and cruel. Her grandparents were wrong to feed into it, but Rory should at least have left a note for Lorelai telling her where she was going. Even Lorelai did that much when she left her parents' house as a teenager.

[–] nuhor_lir_gurenna 8 years ago

Too late, it won't work anymore. If Lorelai grounded Rory now Rory could just leave and stay at grand parents' place. That is the same reason Emily could not punish Rory, because Rory would just leave.

May I add that it is likely that Lorelai failed to punish Rory before caused Rory to take leaving lightly. What would Lorelai do anyway? Throw some tantrums and forget about it next day? Rory could just ignore her. Oh, I forgot, Lorelai did not even do that this time.

A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist - Sir Humphrey Appleby

[–] kathykato 8 years ago

Ww're going to have to agree to disagree about the Chilton dance incident. That was an accident, not deliberate. You yourself said in another thread that you have been late to work on a few occasions, and people cut some slack for you. If we can cut slack for each other as adults for our occasional mistakes, then we should cut slack for children.

When Rory lived with her grandparents later on, she was 20-21 years old, and Emily wanted to punish her for having sex with Logan and spending nights at his apartment. Which was ridiculous. She was legally an adult and in control of her own sex life. There is no comparison between that set of circumstances and her running away from home at age 16 and not letting her mother know where she was going.

[–] nuhor_lir_gurenna 8 years ago

You yourself said in another thread that you have been late to work on a few occasions, and people cut some slack for you. If we can cut slack for each other as adults for our occasional mistakes, then we should cut slack for children.

Being late is OK, but like I said before being AWOL is not. What Rory did was AWOL.

A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist - Sir Humphrey Appleby

[–] CurzonStreet 8 years ago

I agree with you. Lorelei was a lax parent (she's explained many times she's Rory's friend--not her mother). She was more interested in being Rory's buddy than being her parent.

Is it any surprise that Rory is also selfish and manipulative? She learned from her mother. Lorelai also ran away when she couldn't face her problems. How many Jeep trips did they take? How about when she ran off to Paris with Christopher because she couldn't deal with what she had done to Luke?

Both Lorelia and Rory are very flawed characters. You can like them all you want, but they are some of the most flawed characters ever in a one hour TV drama. They often did things without suffering the consequences, which is unusual in that format.
.

[–] hchudy 8 years ago

What really bothered me about her running off is she had to have known just how much that would hurt Lorelai to run to the very place and person Lorelai ran away from. And while Emily may have been gloating a bit, she did let Lorelai know that Rory was okay.

[–] perfect_lover2012 8 years ago

She didn't get in trouble when she skipped school and ran off to New York to see Jess either. The scene where she yells at herself after missing Lorelai's graduation is cringe worthy and pathetic. Running away isn't a proper reaction and it should've been treated more seriously. If something would've happened to Rory then Lorelai would just be completely lost because she didn't know her location. Emily acted like a child too so we can see where Lorelai gets her immaturity. The situation wasn't funny and Rory's a huge baby. She just gets worse as the show continues.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] kathykato 8 years ago

Rory developed a pattern of running away. Beginning with running to Emily and Richard's house in the episode being discussed, then running away from Yale after Mitchum told her she didn't "have it," then running away again to Richard and Emily when Lorelai told her she had to go back to Yale, then running away from Richard and Emily's house when they set house rules she didn't like. I have no problem with the fact that she left their house, but the way she left was awful. She didn't even leave them a note. She just left and had Colin and Finn pack up her belongings. Rory followed in the footsteps of her mother, who ran away when she was 16, and who ran away the weekend she was supposed to marry Max. Like mother like daughter.

[–] perfect_lover2012 8 years ago

Yes! It's so immature and annoying. I hate that Rory manipulates every situation in her favor and they all just ignore it. Or when she runs off to Europe with Emily and has Lorelai give Dean that letter so she would have her hands clean in the situation. I still can't understand Rory running away at 21. She could've easily told Emily that this living arrangement wasn't working and she was ready to go back to school. Then she could've thanked her and taken her things but that's far too logical and adult. Lorelai running from her impending marriage to Max never fails to upset me.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] Eva_Marrie 8 years ago

I just realized just how good the writing on this show is: these incidents of entitled and impulsive behaviour slowly escalate until they result in a criminal act. Wow - I didn't connect this chain before. The yacht joy ride really feels earned now. Nuhor, I'm finally seeing the reason behind your argument for discipline with Rory.

As for Rory yelling at herself after the New York trip - it's a highly effective Dale Carnegie strategy. If you know someone will be angry at you for something you're guilty of - break the news to them by throughly beating yourself up. Their anger will be diffused by the empathy generated by witnessing such self-flaggelation.

My God, this girl really is a master manipulator...

[–] perfect_lover2012 8 years ago

Yeah Rory is very manipulative and it goes unnoticed throughout the series and it's something I didn't really look into until recently.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] kathykato 8 years ago

I don't doubt that Rory felt badly for missing her mom's graduation. She fully intended to get back in time, but stupidly got on the local rather than express bus during rush hour. So I'm not certain this was 100% manipulation on her part in this particular instance. However, there are many other instances where she did 100% manipulate situations to get out of fully owning the responsibility of her actions. Lorelai needed to get out of friend mode and into parent mode after Rory's excursion to NYC and given her some consequences for her actions. Also, wouldn't there have been consequences from Chilton for her cutting school?

[–] perfect_lover2012 8 years ago

Rory always made a huge deal about not missing school so I would imagine there was some kind of consequence and she probably missed a Franklin meeting too. The odd thing is they would've seen her or at least Paris would've commented that Rory was there earlier. I went to a private school not as fancy as Chilton of course but if we weren't in school after the bell then they called the parents. This only applies if someone didn't call ahead saying the student would be absent or late. So technically Lorelai should've known that Rory didn't go to school way sooner. The plus side is we got a beautiful scene with Emily and Richard seeing Lorelai graduate. Also, absences without a note were considered unexcused and you couldn't have more than insert number here to be on honor roll and certain other activities like honor societies.

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children

[–] nuhor_lir_gurenna 8 years ago

I can't say I am 100% right, but it is nice that you could see my point of view.

A cynic is what an idealist calls a realist - Sir Humphrey Appleby