Asking for hand in marriage makes no sense

Recently I have noticed several weird idioms that people use quite a lot, that don't seem to make any sense. It's almost shocking to learn another language, because you get to view it from an outsider's perspective and notice all the peculiarities native speakers might miss because they become so used to all the madness.

English is the weirdest language in many ways, idioms often being the most ridiculous things I have ever seen in my life.

Asking for someone's HAND in marriage - what kind of sense does that make? Why don't women ever ask for a man's hand? What happens when there are 70 genders, who asks whose hand then, if one is a helicopter and the other some weirdo swamp lizard?

It also seems to be such a lie. No husband would be satisfied (in any meaning of the word), if all the bride had to offer was.. 'This is the job for.. hand!'

Men are generally super sexual beings, but this fact is never celebrated - it's vilified instead. Men have to cover up and hide their sexuality, they can never openly and directly talk about it (women can't handle it - and when women try it, they go so overboard, it comes off as fake. Watch any 'p-star' try to 'talk dirty' - they over-intonate, say everything with a very aggressive, angry, grimaced expressiona and sharp voice, you can't take any of it seriously. Imagine if they said those things in a sweet,half-whispered, intense bedroom voice that has a hint of arousal to it.. but nope, it's always this over-the-top way).

This means, men are actually asking for a COMPLETELY different body part in marriage, not the hand - they couldn't care less about the hand (except on the rare occasion when that's the best option, or in 'temporary' or 'warming-up'-type situations, etc.), they care about a very specific OTHER body part.

Why don't they ask for C-word, P-word or even V-word in marriage, because THAT is what they are focusing on, that's what they want? The implication of marriage has historically been that men gets sex and intimacy out of the deal, while woman gets other benefits, so it's a win-win.

So wouldn't it make more sense to ask for what they REALLY want 'in marriage' (heck, men don't care if it's in or out of marriage, as long as they get 'it')? Wouldn't it be a more honest world, where this kind of thing could just be said directly, openly and out loud, and it would be normal?

But no, instead, we have to go through all kinds of rituals and charades just so no one gets shocked about men's sexuality, or direct/open talking about it (which should be the norm, but it's basically forbidden everywhere (except some very dirty, ugly places) in our free world..).

There are so many jokes and puns one could make out of this odd, euphemistic request, as in leaving the rest of the woman be, and just taking the hand and so on, but that'd be too obvious and silly. Besides, it's been done to death, probably.

I just yearn for a more refreshing, less restrict, more honest and open world, where you could commonly hear women ask the men for their dik in marriage, but then again, that wouldn't really work, because women don't go for body parts the same way men do, they go for the intangible that can be transformed into tangible, as in 'status', which is pretty hard to put to words. That's why you hear everyone struggle when they describe 'Chads' and 'Tyrones', and stupidly include 'looks' and other bodily qualities.

At the very least the request should be about the whole hag, not just the hand. The only time where that could make sense if a woman is leading the whole Ninja clan (read old Daredevil comics if you don't get it), but that wouldn't be likely.

In any case, marriage doesn't make any sense to a rational human being, and neither does 'asking for someone's hand'. The honeymoon and the 'wedding night' will be filled with disappointment if HAND is all you get, but of course, after divorce, that's all you are left with (or right one, I don't care).