does anybody know where to find clips of this? it was the funniest segment in the show! i tried youtube, but found nothing. can anybody help me out please?
This is heavy, Doc.
"When I look at pornography, I get a tingly feeling... NOWHERE."
shareHere are the Sebastian lines that I thankfully wrote down back when Craiggers was hosting the LLS:
- I don't care what anybody says, I'll never read Balzac.
- Where do babies come from? Sorry, but I'm playing Parcheesi.
- Who has time for sex when there's so much orange sherbet?
- At Christmas time, even if I drink too much scotch and find myself singing Jingle Bells, I will never say the line, "all the way."
- For me, mistletoe is a no fly zone.
- When I'm alone in my bedroom I handcuff myself to the bed because I don't want any funny stuff.
- Many think of the ocean as a utopia, I see the ocean as a sesspool where fish "do the nasty."
- When a woman follows me home and asks to come in I say, "Let me slip into something more comfortable." Then I jump into the fireplace and light myself ablaze.
- I once rode a horse bare-backed... let's just say neither of us enjoyed it.
- At age 12 I was about to hit puberty, but it jumped out of the way.
- I never saw the film Ed Wood, because the word "wood" makes me extremely uncomfortable.
- In high school I was excused from gym class because of a doctor's note that exclaimed, "This boy's groin is a parched wasteland!"
- Sorry I can't give you a ride; I lost the keys to my libido.
- In my opinion, the most erotic film of all time... was TRON.
- Whenever I watch a woman eating a popsicle I think, "Honey, we all know what that's about...refreshment!"
- Instead of genitals, I wish I had a third pinky so that I could hold just one more tea cup.
- I can't stand the sight of my own genitals, so I bathe in balsamic vinegar.
- When I was born the doctor said, "Congratulations, you have... none of the above."
- If the van's a rockin', it's not my van.
- The closest I get to making love, is fondling a first edition of Dickens.
- If I were to teach a sex education class why I would take a banana, smash it with a hammer and tell all the young men, "this is you boys."
- When I listen to David Bowie's "Space Oddity" I think, "IF I had nipples, they'd be hard right now... but that's a pretty big 'if'."
Now off with you, be gone!!