PO-TAY-TOES
Mash them. Boil them. Stick them in a stew.
A brace o conies would be good right about now!
For mash get smash.
Very British! Or Irish.
You can keep your nasty chips, precious!
Gollum probably wasn't down with malt vinegar, either, the little creep!
See how YOU look after a few centuries of refusing to eat vegetables!
When six hundred years you reach, look as good you will not, hm?
I will admit that avoiding taters left him fashionably thin...
If coke addicts are fashionable, sure. Which...okay, I guess given the reputation of supermodeling, they kind of are.