MovieChat Forums > You've Got Mail (1998) Discussion > Most Mature Break Up Scene Ever

Most Mature Break Up Scene Ever

posted 8 years ago by queencat18
12 replies | jump to latest

I love, love, loved the scene where Kathleen and Frank break up. It was seriously the most mature break up ever. They realized that they weren't working, they were both polite, and they just laughed about the fact that it wasn't working out, even though on paper they were perfect for each other. Kathleen didn't even mind that Frank had a thing for the newscaster, she was happy for him. You could truly see them being friends afterwards.

Out of curiosity, has anyone else had a mature break up? I actually have had one, where things weren't working out, he was supposed to come over to watch a movie, but first we had the talk, and still ended up watching the movie, and remain friends to this day. It's so refreshing to have those.

"Oh my God! You put a living room where the crack den used to be!"

[–] Imshortok06 8 years ago

Yes, don't you wish it were always like that?

[–] Prelude-in-C-maj 8 years ago

That type of mature, polite and well-wishing breakup can generally only happen when no serious breaches, betrayals, bad treatment, disrespect, or abuse has taken place.

Kathleen and Frank had a very respectful, calm relationship in which no-one behaved abusively or damagingly. The only reason for their breakup was that they realized they weren't completely passionate about it or each other, even though nothing else was actually wrong.

It was easy for them to break up nicely and probably remain friends.

On the other hand, when a couple are breaking up because they are having serious rifts, terrible compatibility, and either one or both have emotional issues that lead to emotional or physical abuse, shoddy treatment, fiery argument and serious fights, there's not a lot of ways in hell that breakup is going to take place with courtesy, respect or "maturity."

Instead one person is going to storm off forever, or move out in a hurry, or an acrimonious fight is going to be the last exchange.

I've had both nice breakups and a couple of really bad ones. The bad ones took place in a setting that had already become ugly, hurtful and painful.

The nice ones took place in relationships where we never had a bad word, we just weren't really into it.

Also the guy I'm still friends with today had a very sunny personality to start with. We just didn't want the same things.

My worst breakup was with someone pretty much mentally ill and very, very aggressive in nature to begin with, who actually admitted to taking pride in being frightening to people. What a sweetheart.....not..... I'll never get involved with a moody, troubled person again -- I have too much of my own!

[–] regahsof 8 years ago

Yeah the reason it was "mature" was probably because there wasn't much life there to begin with.

[–] LeopardSpot1954 8 years ago

Agreed. Kathleen and Frank do not strike me as the types to have knock-down, drag-out, messy break-ups anyway, but it is probably much easier to break up in a "mature" way when neither person is really invested in the relationship. If anything I would imagine it is a huge relief: relief that nobody had to get hurt and relief that they are now free to move on to something better. Kathleen and Frank actually seemed giddy about it, and understandably so. The only thing that may make this sort of break-up difficult is just knowing you won't have their companionship anymore...but if neither of you really have romantic feelings for the other, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to remain friends and still occasionally spend time together. Well, no reason unless of course your next partner is jealous and insecure about it.

[–] R_Kane (15828) 6 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Hanz-Willhelm2 8 years ago

It is usually easy when the heart of each person has already moved on and isn't still devoted to the other and in which neither party has "wronged" or betrayed the other (even though Kathleen was having an online relationship with a man when she was in a relationship with someone but he never found out).

Each of one of them were already "single" in their hearts so the situation led to an easy break up because neither really cared that much that the relationship was ending. It was mature but it is understandable given their circumstances.

If one person is still in love and had dreams of marriage and a life together than things get a little more messy.

Was ist der Sinn des Lebens?

[–] DLHarrison76 8 years ago

All of Meg Ryan's break up scenes are mature. Think back to the scene with Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle. That was always my favorite break up of all time.

[–] Prelude (1443) 7 years ago

Yep, and that too was another situation where neither of them actually felt passionately about each other or their relationship. Neither of them were really all that into it anymore.

And also, again, both people were already mature, polite people. Where one or both isn't, mess and anger ensues.

[–] artguylarry (498) 7 years ago

I agree, and it's still kind of a shame it couldn't work though. This relationship, as mismatched as it was, was made up of two kind, likable souls, each firmly grounded and complete in themselves, making a go of it together, rather than what movies normally give us - two people desperately searching for someone to "complete" them. I have had a great break up like this one, and that's precisely why. Break ups will destroy you, if you were incomplete going in (which incidentally is not the time to look for love). But if you're a complete, well grounded person going into it, you'll be just as solid and grounded if something doesn't work and you have to come out of it.

[–] Prelude (1443) 7 years ago

Yes, that's sensible, that if you're already a grounded, complete-feeling person going in, the breakup won't be upsetting on the way out.

However, I've experienced good, undisturbing breakups even though I wouldn't have said I had been particularly content and complete going in. But the reason the breakup was a good one that didn't upset me was because there was a lot of niceness in the relationship, a lot of polite respect and kindness anyway, and the only reason we drifted apart was because we were both on the same page about wanting different things -- and we also weren't really "in love" with each other.

My worst two breakups, I would attribute the "worst-ness" of them to the fact that we were being horrible to each other and the relationship had lost the notion of anyone treating each other respectfully or kindly, not so much to feeling incomplete to start with.

I agree that if a person already feels desperate, incomplete or damaged, they are not in the best state to get into a relationship in the first place, but even then, a breakup doesn't have to be ugly depending on certain circumstances.

Interestingly, a very good therapist I knew said that even damaged people can in fact best work out their issues and healing processes within a loving relationship, but the trick is not hooking up with an equally or even more damaged person nor a person so perfect that they're not equally working stuff out together.

[–] LukeLovesFilm28 8 years ago

Yes, it was nice. But if your heart is actually in a relationship, you have so much emotion invested in that other person, there is no guarantee it will end maturely and frankly, it shouldn't. We're not robots, no matter how old we are.

Get off your soapbox while I play you a tune on the tiniest violin.

[–] Hans-Wilhelm (1356) 6 years ago

You keep using the word "mature", I'd say they both just equally don't care about the other romantically. It is easy to walk away from each other when neither of them really care.
Things get messier when at least one is still romantically bonded to and invested in the other and wants a future. That is being taken from them and they are devastated and most likely they want to know why? Is there someone else, did they fall out of love, did they do something....they'll want answers.

Two people who really don't care about the other....who both already have other romantic interests they want to follow....that doesn't occur often. I don't agree as much with calling two people who don't care about each other, who have other romantic pursuits already in the works who just ho hum break up, walk away and don't care about isn't the blueprint for mature. Also, one person being madly in love, who wants marriage and forever who is suddenly dumped, them having tears and sorrow and questions and emotional isn't an "immature" break up.