the Hopkins character really did seem to care more about his gorilla family than his human family. That alone makes him seem rather cold-hearted and unlikeable
His daughter was already an adult and free to live her own life; Ethan's fatherly responsibilities were fulfilled. The wife/mother was evidently passed away and therefore was no longer in the picture. In Africa Ethan didn't INTEND to stay with the gorillas; he was simply performing his job as an anthropologist. When the apes accepted him he had an epiphany and was caught up in a new revolutionized life, not to mention there was no way to even contact his daughter. After killing two ranger/poachers he was imprisoned and withdrew within himself, which was the only place he could be free.
Your criticism presumes that the greatest goal in life is to maintain a relationship with an adult who's linked to you by blood. I'm not saying familial relations aren't important, but there ARE more important things to life and the universe; and Ethan got an inkling of them and wasn't going to let go because people like you would deem him a "coldhearted" person.
The gorillas were simply his new family in Africa. No one said this made them more important than human relatives.
The theme of the movie is true freedom vs. the illusion of freedom and the contrast between controllers (takers) and liberators. Ethan had been playing "the game" for decades and couldn't stand it any longer. With the apes he discovered liberation and emancipation from "the game" of modern "civilization." That's why he was in no hurry to leave and go back to the USA to maintain a close relationship with his daughter, who was a responsible full-fledged adult and had a life of her own.
I found Theo's story arc both convincing and moving. It made me a fan of Cuba Gooding Jr.
You say the movie's themes were confused, I say it respects the intelligence of the viewer to freely glean the gems for yourself and connect the dots
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