100 THINGS YOU'VE LEARNT FROM MK:ANNIHILATION - Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) Discussion

[–] chanticleer605 16 years ago

91. Double-headed snakes last shorter than single headed ones.
90. The transportation spheres spins so fast that you won't vomit or get dizzy.

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[–] master_of_all 16 years ago

89) There are some films that not even Christopher Lambert will say yes to.

Elvira mistress of the dark is the coolest woman ever.
"Revenge is better than Christmas"

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[–] rockybalboa1975 16 years ago

Who farted?

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[–] Griever_2112 16 years ago

88) Even though Liu Kang killed Sub-Zero's brother, he hold no ill will against him.

87) When you die, your dragon tattoo's will leave

86) Centuars and Shokan do not get along.

85)They couldn't get Linden Ashbey back for 15 minutes.

84) Surprisingly was NOT directed by Uwe Boll.

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[–] rockybalboa1975 16 years ago

Who farted?

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[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] meetfrankmusic 16 years ago

To master_of_all

Christopher Lambert actually wanted to reprise his role, but was too busy.

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[–] bsd12 16 years ago

who farted???????????????????

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[–] DONERny-1 16 years ago

82) Human arms are more effective in battle than human arms enhanced with cybernetics that are supposed to make you four times stronger.

83) Rayden is watching, so stay outta trouble.

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[–] Griever_2112 16 years ago

81) Scorpion learned a new word...suckers.

80) Sonya can magically change a leather dress into a pair of booty shorts and white tank top in the course of a few seconds.

79)The beginning of this movie is not how Mortal Kombat ended.

78)Rain got bitched.

77)Shao Khan likes to hit things with this hammer.

76)Shinnok is a naughty boy.

75) Sektor wasn't important enough for the movie...yet somehow Rain was O_o

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[–] So_In_Love 16 years ago

74. Kitana's mother is dead, and soon she will be too."

73. Somehow, when Shao Khan gets kicked really hard into the sky, you'll be able to see the lights from the set.

72. Jax is FINE!

71. Motaro is the big BU! (Malibu)

70. Somehow, Khan and Liu-Kang are able to turn into giant monsters, but don't bother to do it at the beginning of the fight to just eat one and end it quick.

Always an active American Gladiator!ü
Lance Henriksen is KING!
Raul Julia for a Star on the WoF

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[–] 16 years ago

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[–] KnuxTE3000 16 years ago

66. Jade is not of the African descent.

Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition

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[–] midwestdawg83 16 years ago

64) Cutting your hair will make you mortal

63) When in doubt, recast! recast! recast!

One shall stand, one shall fall.

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[–] TheLastArcanum 16 years ago

ROFL

BRING BACK SIENNA GUILLORY FOR RESIDENT EVIL 4 HERE http://www.gopetition.com/online/24103.html

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[–] 16 years ago

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[–] cowgirl_from_hell9 16 years ago

46. Apparently your sai's don't have to be sharp to make an impact.
45. Jade & Liu Kang could've killed each other... but they lived.
44. Liu uses amazing conditioner to keep his hair fluffy.
43. Johnny has stopped making movies.
42. Liu has the uncanny ability to disappear right before a killer robot blows up.
43. hitting a giant monster in the butt with robotic arms can kill it.
42. Raiden has only known Jax for one minute and he's dissin' him already.
41. Jax and Sonya can swim in the air.
40. When you travel throug portals you feel like you were microwaved; burnin up on the outside but freezin on the inside. Which unfortunately you never get used to :(

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[–] shizzegurl_18 16 years ago

39. Centaurs are known for their hunting powers, so Motaro would make a great general for Shao Kahn.
38. Leftovers are fine with Sonya.

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[–] toddster87 16 years ago

37. If you ever find yourself being attacked by a crazy hot asian lady, its proberly just "anouther of nightwolf's crazy tests."

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[–] TheGill-Man 16 years ago

36. It is possible to keep your hair well groomed and immaculate with two giant horns in the way.

35. Sheeva can't fight worth *beep*

34. If a humungous snarling beast appears behind you... PUNCH IT IN THE ASS MULTIPLE TIMES AND IT WILL RUN SCARED!

33. Choking someone with razor sharp knives will not decapitate them.

32. When you have to chose between showcasing a fight between Jax, Sonya, Kitana and Jade vs. Sindel or Rayden vs. some supplementary Noob Saibot clones, go with the latter.

31. Sub-Zero didn't help AT ALL! Seriously, he made a bridge that got destroyed and Liu Kang just leapt right over the precipice anyhow.

30. Do not underestimate the power of the human spirit.

"Like every child who has ever been adopted, you are destined to kill!"

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[–] WilliamWeird1313 16 years ago

29. Life is not worth living.

www.BeardedWeirdoReviews.blogspot.com

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[–] KnuxTE3000 16 years ago

28. If you suddenly end a date, you will be squashed by a metal cage.

Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition

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[–] expos_panthersdude 16 years ago

27. Sonya will break a person's neck and smile for half a sec.

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[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] running_blind5784 16 years ago

26. Sub-Zero rarely takes off his mask because he looks like David Schwimmer.

25. Taking the most controversial game of the 90's and turning it into some PG-13 piece of drivel and hiring some 3rd graders to pen the script was actually a GOOD idea to someone in Hollywood.

24. All people in the MK universe flip in slow mo.

23. The people involved in this film obviously set out to make a movie worse than street fighter, and they succeeded big time.

22. "IT HAS BEGUN" never loses it's impact, provided it's spoken while you're all spread eagle.

21. When Liu meets Jade, I honestly thought I had accidentally switched to skinemax.

20. Speaking of skinemax, this movie has the production values of all those soft core movies you see late at night, but no nudity ;(

19. All film makers aspiring to a video game adaption should consult this film and file it under "what not to do with my adaptation"

18. If sonya and mileena had gotten naked during their mud fight, this would be the best movie in existance.

17. The costume designer(s) hopefully were smart enough to NOT put this film in their resume, or use their real names in the credits.

16. This movie probably ruined the careers of every single person involved.

15. God damn this is the worst movie ever made. I honestly can not think of anything I've seen that's worse than this.

it's a pornography store. i was buying pornography.

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[–] ccaudle 16 years ago

14. When the fight against Kahn gets tough, find your ANIMALITY!!!

13. Sonya blowing a kiss will "barbeque your @ss"

12. Sonya, Rayden, and Johnny Cage can be played by different characters and no one seems to say, "Uh, you're NOT Sonya, Rayden, Johnny"

11. Rayden will be "watching" these guys for a long time, because they sure as hell won't be making a 3rd MK movie with these guys.

10. Jax is gonna make Motaro eat that thing!

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[–] ZOMBIE-8 16 years ago

14. We now learn about one of the films Uwe Boll studied before directing House of The Dead

13. It's more important to have 95% of the characters from the games than it is to have just some characters from the games and flesh them out. After all, quantity over quality!

12. When introducing characters who seem to only have one scene, they don't really need to have names. But we'll still add their character names in the end credits. And despite three tarkatans, we'll still have "Baraka" listed in the end credits as just one guy.

11. To hell with Noob Saibot being the original Sub-Zero as explained in the later games... he's just a glorified crystalized fart from Ermac!

10. When I was 12, I saw this in theaters and thought this was the greatest movie of all time. Now that I'm just about 24, I now understand why there should never be any 12 year old film directors.

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[–] Griever_2112 16 years ago

9. When you want to try and squeeze every MK character into a movie, just mention names and never show them works just fine (poor Kabak and Stryker)

8. Wait...this WASN'T directed by a 12 year old?

7. When did Shao Khan get an Animality? O_o

6. No seriously, your telling me a 12 really didn't direct this.

5. When fighting a Centuar you don't need to show the strikes landing...we know they are implied.

It's like that stripey bag is mocking me... *beep* you stripey bag.

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[–] reapingdarkside 16 years ago

4. It is much better to die a mortal than to live forever with the ability to shoot lightning bolts.

3. Jax is tired of all this wacked out junk, but at least Sonya looks good in mud.

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[–] reapingdarkside 16 years ago

2. Every time Rayden performs martial arts he looks a lot like Ray Park in a Rayden wig.

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[–] 16 years ago

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[–] MegaMan_Oasis 16 years ago

Ok I'm gonna reverse the 100 things. Now going from 1 to 100. Starting with:

1.) Jax was fake sleeping when Sonya found him on the bed.
2.) Shao Kahn suppose to be like 8 feet when he looks only 5'10
3.) Shao Kahn is suppose to be asian when he's caucasian
4.) When you can't get the actor portraying Rayden to make the flying warcry sound, just dub the game sound instead.
5.) Have the characters do awesome flips to make them look epic.

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[–] reapingdarkside 16 years ago

6. Shao Kahn's in-game projectile doesn't look cheesy at all in the movie.
7. The writers obviously followed the game storyline, didn't you know that Rayden and Shao Kahn are sons of Shinnok?
8. Liu Kang had a much easier time defeating Shao Kahn than he did Shang Tsung.

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[–] 16 years ago

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[–] 16 years ago

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[–] JamiesFanGirl 15 years ago

16. This movie probably ruined the careers of every single person involved.

Except for James Remar.

Or are you one of the few people alive who isn't familiar with Dexter?

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[–] cristobal4680 15 years ago

26. If you have 35 million dollars for a budget, don't reuse scenes of falling into flames with the different wardrobe of the person falling in beforehand.
25. If I had those 35 million dollars, it would have been all fights, no bad humor or tv actors in any roles. Nitty Gritty hardcore action.

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[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] mkchamp92 15 years ago

29) It only takes like 5 punches to kill a huge monster

30) if you have medal arms that make you stronger your only weakness is a wall

31) Only 3 actors were smart enough not to be in the movie again

32) Baraka looks like he has gained weight

33) instead of a stress reliever shao kahn has a huge platform that lightes up if hit with a hammer.

34) Gods look like corny special effects

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[–] ccaudle 15 years ago

35) Kabal and Stryker are two of Earth realm's greatest warriors. (I fell out of my chair laughing at that line)

36) That river Sonya found off camera must have had some detergent floating in it.

37) The ending scene of one movie and the sequel's beginning scene in continuity do NOT have to be exactly the same.

38) Liu Kang or Kitana should have said to Rayden, Johnny Cage, and Sonya, "Hey, you are NOT the same people we walked with here to this temple."

39) Uwe Bole could have done a better job with this damn thing.

40) My pet tarantula could have done a better job with this thing.

41) Jax is the funniest Mortal Kombat character by a ton.

42) Rayden doesn't care that he is immortal, so he becomes a human instead.

43) Sub Zero's younger brother's special power is making a 10 foot bridge that looks like styrofoam.

44) The women in this movie are the only decent looking thing about it. When in doubt, go for sex appeal.

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[–] TheEnigmaticRonin 15 years ago

- Uwe Bole could have done a better job with this damn thing.

I agree that, this film suck some big hairy balls, and is pure garbage but, the ONLY way to *beep* it up even more would have been Uwe Boll's directing, so NO, Uwe Boll could NOT have done a better job.

" Look, there's two women fuc*ing a polar bear!" - Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas 1998

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[–] Jubes98 15 years ago

what i learned in this movie was johnny cage was the only smartest one to die in the opening sceen.......good move getting out of this flick early!

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[–] crazyhellboy 15 years ago

45) Jade and Liu Kang could have killed each other - but they live!

46) Sonya does look good in mud.

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

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[–] sandman2425 15 years ago

47. When you're Mother is alive, well too bad, YOU!!! *points finger at Kitana for a long time* ...WILL DIE!!!

48. When making a Mortal Kombat Movie, always always ALWAYS, add a "back in High School" joke ***cough***JohnnyCage&Jax***cough***

49. Blame Sonya for having Kahn's Extermination Squad on their "Butts"

50. To make sure "it never happens again", hammer a purple ninja into a fire pit even if he promises "it will never happen again!!!

51. CGI Monsters don't like it when they get literally punched in the ass

52. Falling ninjas don't even use parachutes

53. When talking with the Elder Gods, Lord Raiden is granted 3 questions "as always"

54. Destroying everything by screaming is fun (even more fun than doing your kick a football friendship)

55. Sindel is a babe who is having a bad hair day, that her reasons for screaming!

56. Sheeva is not a real good choice for ending a couple's date

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[–] chanticleer605 15 years ago

58. Jade has a set of good legs....for kicking.

59. when facing a whole army of bad guys, just fight Shao Kahn and his generals. The countless extermination squads will disappear with no explanation.

60. Rayden has one dysfunctional family.

61. Death is the only way out.

62. Swords can chop metal chains.

63. Rayden and the Raptors fight by performing elaborate flips and other aerodynamics.

64. Mileena is hot.

65. A cave/mountain network has no streetsigns or mailboxes.

66. Liu Kang's animality sucks at fighting.

67. Liu Kang is going out with a woman that is thousands of years older than him.

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[–] Riding_With_The_Valkyries 15 years ago

Sand is flammable, and can make a fully armoured robot explode

Only the dead have seen the end of war. Plato

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[–] annatron 15 years ago

^Assuming that guy is 68.

69. Nobody told Sonya why Johnny had to die. Someone should've told her that it was a smart career move on his behalf.
70. It takes an Elder God to fool an Elder God.
71. Shinnok wins the award for Outworlds worst parenting.

-----
You look like a pregnant Wookie.

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[–] MaximumMadness 15 years ago

72) Backflips are much more efficiant for travel than walking/running. (Seriously... like everyone backflips in this movie)

73) Metal bends easilly, just like rubber. And it doesn't hurt when you hit it... like rubber. In fact, something shiney and metallic is probably just painted rubber.
(Cyrax's fight scene is littered with this cheap effect.)

74) When a metal killing machine with the ability to launch rockets and tiny nano-bots that eat flesh is attacking you in a laboratory, while a dozen "Extermination Squad" members are trying to kill you partner, stop at every opprotunity to deliver a quirky one-liner... you obviously have the time to be clever and sarcastic.

75) Shang Tsung could have overthrown his master within seconds, considering how quickly Shao Kahn went down.

76) No matter how beat-up the heroes get, they can always get a second, third... fourth... fifth... sixth wind and beat up all the bad-guys, more often than not killing them with one punch or one kick.

77) When confronting the final extermination squad member, who is weilding a machete, hit him with a lightweight metal bowl, which will instantly knock him out... that'll fix 'im!

"Give Me Immortality, Or Give Me Death"

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[–] empressjenf 15 years ago

78. The extermination squad is trying to kill Jax, even though he doesn't know those dudes.

79. Kitana & Mileena are impossible to tell apart, even though they dress different, have different color eyes, and look nothing alike. (Yes, this was said before, but it needed to be stressed.)

80. If you are of Rayden's bloodline, apparently a dragon rips out of your skin then disappears when you die.

81. Never kill your own soldiers because you might need as much help as possible.

82. Even though major cities were destroyed, only a handful of people from a leaky boat (and a couple of their allies) could save the world, and could get no help from any type of military.

83. When you travel through the Earth's core, as long as you use a big ball you will not be burned alive or crushed from the pressure.

84. Nightwolf gives crazy tests.

85. The Asian chick in the desert is Jade, who can change her clothes & surroundings in a second, and is not one of Liu Kang's dreams.

86. If they die, they will die in battle... together.

87. Shao Kahn cheated and broke the rules of Mortal Kombat.

88. Shao Kahn can turn into a hydra.

89. Shinnok was possibly sent to the Phantom Zone as punishment.

I AM the Darkside.

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[–] goh78 15 years ago

90. Sonya is a shi-ty partner, NEVER explaining to Jax what is going on, throughout the entire movie.

91. In case you didn't hear one of the 100 times they are mentioned, Khan has portals, and they must be closed.

92. Sub Zero's brother is utterly pointless.

93. Liu Kang has serious insecurities. He defeated Shang Tsung and saved the entire planet, yet still feels like he isn't "Ready."

94. Concentrating, really really hard, can turn you into a Dragon.

95. Sonya gets over Johnny Cage's death pretty quickly.

96. This movie is terrible.

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[–] a-dogra-1 15 years ago

97. Sub-Zero's brother is also called Sub-Zero...I'm sure that wasn't confusing for their family.

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[–] MaximumMadness 15 years ago

98) Sub-Zero and Nightwolf had better things to do than help the heroes save the world... like... uhhh... You know, why didn't they help out Lui some more?

99) The best way to dodge a rocket coming at you is not to jump out of the way. The best way to dodge said rocket is to do a slow and intricate manuever that involves you turning around and using a nearby wall to do a backflip, therefore taking nearly three times longer than if you just stepped to the side, or lept out of the way. Eh, it's a highly explosive rocket, what's the rush?

100) Sindel has still got it, baby!

OK, now start from 100 and work back to 1 again!

"Give Me Immortality, Or Give Me Death"

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[–] UberPigeon 14 years ago

100) Not sure how to put across how evil you are? May I suggest a rubber skull mask for you, and a paper mache one for your horse!

99) You should have killed Shao Kahn when you had the chance...you know...cos its sooooooo hard.

98) Before turning into his Hydra animality, Shao Kahn must first elongate his forehead into an actual penis for a second or two on screen.

97) When you are well on your way to producing the worst production of your career that will also murder the careers of those involved you know what to do...MUDFIGHT!

96) But mudfights don't fit the scenes that follow...magic! Sonya's shirt is once again clean.

95) When short on fight scene choreography, simply show every single character in the movie perform a slow-motion flip of some sort from the ground-up.

94) Shao Kahn weighs so much indeed that when his body hits the the turf the set errr....ground trembles under his weight.

93) Its ok to show stunt doubles on screen who clearly are not James Remar for prolonged periods of time as long as they are blonde.

94)Jade will die for this

93) Do not fail Shao Kahn, or you will be fed to the WOOOOOORMMMMMSSSSS

92) Rayden is proud to die human.

91) Shao Kahn wins.

90) Barraka sometimes likes to shake his favourite rubber mask from side to side growling.

89) Watch the trailer with Michael Jai White as Jax in the new movie and tell me you don't want to see MK restored to what it should be!

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[–] eurashal 14 years ago

88) The merger is nearly complete. And it. Is. GLORIOUS!

87) Liu Kang doesn't have time for stupid games.

86) Screw immortality, looking like Billy Idol's the way to go.

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[–] ccaudle 14 years ago

85) If the rest of the movie had went like the opening soundtrack, it would have been the greatest movie of all time.

84) Arming yourself with state of the art muscle enhancing weapons on your arms means that you have a lack of self confidence.

83) Raiden has no power on outworld, but Shao Kahn and Shang Tsung could have power anywhere?

82) Sonya is very jealous about Jade.

81) It takes Shao Kahn 6 days to conquer a planet.

80) Winning 9 straight Mortal Kombat tournaments was pretty pointless when Kahn had the power all along to just go ahead and break through to Earth.

79) Sub Zero wants to help the same guy who killed his brother.

78) Scorpion can't be killed, and also can't stick around for long either.

77) Nightwolf knew that Liu Kang had a head strong enough to take an axe to the head.

76) Raiden thinks it's better to be a mortal than a God.

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[–] ImaWeabooApparantly 14 years ago

75. Johnny Cage is the Kenny McCormick of Mortal Kombat.

74. Robin Shou must have a lot of free time on his hands to do crappy video game movies.

73. Johnny should have just punched Kahn in the balls. It worked with Goro.

"Broly- Giving Vic Mignogna throat problems since 2003."

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[–] dethbelow 14 years ago

72. In the Mortal Kombat Universe, you & your mother are the same age.

71. In the Mortal Kombat message boards, learned is spelled "LEARNT", or should i say "SPELT LEARNT".

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[–] 14 years ago

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[–] cfruge444 14 years ago

70. If you fail at "seducing" the main character as per Shao Khan's orders, you will get eaten by a gargoyle-like statue above your head on the wall behind you who will then proceed to belch loudly (That was the ONLY bit of low-brow humor I could remember throughout the whole movie.).

69. Despite the fact that in MKII Jade looked and fought identical to Kitana (tanned skin, doubled speed, and projectile immunity aside) and would have made a much better clone than Mileena did in that respect, Sonya could have easily seen through Mileena's ruse if she looked at her ending from Mortal Kombat: Deception.

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[–] Wiscomptin 14 years ago

68. Even a sequel that you aren't even in could ruin your career because an actor or actress that looks remarkably like you simply reprised your role and it was just that bad

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[–] frederik olsen 14 years ago

69. The Temple of the Elder Gods apparently also houses a hair salon.
70. Before there was Ali G, there was Jax, a'ight?
71. Ermac - one of Shao Kahn's most powerful warriors - spends his life being bullied around by pretty much everyone.
72. Whenever Jade pretends to be with the good guys, she lisps. Theriouthly!

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[–] lcri-1 14 years ago

73. It's perfectly acceptable to mix low-resolution MPEG-1 1997 internet stock footage into your $30 million movie.

74. The above is especially true if you aren't going to bother finishing your actual special effects anyway.

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[–] Vincen7 14 years ago

67. What closes can also open again..

68. Mother.. is alive... too bud YOU.. WILL DIE !

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[–] ventus_magica 14 years ago

67. All the warriors are too weak, their fights lasts like 2 minutes.
66. Don't expect to see Sheeva fighting, she would be easily defeated with just a metal cage.
65. Sindel have most black hair than white.
64. Ermac needs help from another ninja to defeat Sonya.

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[–] tec-cullen 14 years ago

63) Jax is hood, and besides the cybernetic strength enhancing arms thing, is relatively chill

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[–] falafel_1 13 years ago

62) The Earth was created in 6 Days
61) Rayden is of no concern to us
60) He fed jade's corpse to the worms
59) Shinnok turned himself in.....
58) The Elder Gods are completely useless
57) Kabal and Stryker are earths best warriors HAHAHAHAHAHAAH
56) Bow to him
55) The earth is not made for tyrants
54) Shouting BYAKASA will inflict loads of damage
53) Bleeding means you're mortal
52) Nightwolf is a warrior....but he was just chilling the whole movie

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[–] TheFatDruidofNacyl 9 years ago

51. Even though the Elder Gods refuse to help, and Raiden was once a God, his solution for helping is to pray for the fighters.
50. Even after Jade tried to beat up Lu Kang he trusts that she is on his side. The power of boners is stronger.
49. Even though you was able to get Raden and the other fighters into a trap, you will just run away if they threaten to kill you.
48. Raiden can't kill his brother but has no problem in sending a Mortal to do it for him.
47. When becoming an Elder God you become a voyeur but are nice enough to let others know you are going to be watching them.

Come visit my http://theblackrosecastle.com

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[–] nightwishouge 9 years ago

46. Despite his promise to put you through three tests, Nightwolf will abandon you after the first.
45. The first test is bravery.
44. Sand is highly combustible.
43. Outworld possesses the technology to create fully functional, nearly indestructible android assassins, but not light bulbs.
42. Shao Kahn's neck-snapping technique is preceded by quite a wind-up.
41. According to the Elder Gods, deciding the fate of the entire universe by the outcome of a single hand-to-hand fight is "as it should be". Boy, that surely inspires confidence in the leadership skills of these captains of this cosmic vessel.

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[–] vhpharoe 9 years ago

Whatever number... The lyrics to a song can consist solely of "MORTAL KOMBAT"
A green screen CAN be obvious.
You can drag a person with a whip with the flick of wrist... yeah that will keep the tension required for dragging.

this is in like the first 5 minutes! I love this movie.
Oh and when johnnies neck was broken just watch where is body is. first the guy breaks it an its at his feet... then the girl sonya? is cradling him not at the bad guy's feet... then it's in the claw thing. GOLD. PURE GOLD.

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