Favorite quotes?

Favorite quote huh? Oh where to begin...

Where did you learn to drive? Cooking school?

Well, it looks like we are one degree celcius off on that magenta color. I'm gonna have to quantify the 7F reading on this and that would run it through with the surface gravity viscocity. I could plug it into the Marcel formuala, and that would give me a more accurate mix design. To me, they're just a little bit off. What I can do on that is run a pap smear test, and uh, tone it done a little bit.

Did you hear about the lady that backed into the fan? It made a disaster. It dis-assed her.

Your lies bounce off me like ping pong balls.

- 73 minuets to deliver 2 suitcases and 1 garment bag. Do you have an explanation Mr. Washington?
- Yes sir. I seem to be coming down with a mild case of carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrists. I think its from carrying real heavy garment bags around. Now, I don't want to go on disability, and sue this company for millions of dollars, so I figured I would just pace myself.

You see here, in the 16th century there came to pass a....oh, this is the wrong writ. This is about the sensei and the 18 year old twin geishas. Also a good legend, but not the one we're looking for.

Tempo? Kai? I think they worked as a team.

Are you communicating with me?

- Just a precaution, Mr. Walters. You don't mind do you?
- Mind? Hell no, I don't mind, if it makes you feel more comfortable. I just want to know one thing. How are you gonna drive with that on?

- There is a problem you are facing?
- Not really. Its just that I've been accused of another murder or two.

- I need your help in finding Sally Jones. I have considered many techniques. I could find the names of all the BMW sales in the last five years, checking on all the Joneses, then visiting them all, or...
- You could try a phone book.

- Perhaps I shall send Dom Perignon to your room.
- I prefer to be alone tonight. Perhaps later I will meet your friend Don.

The ninja way is to visualize the straightness of the rope. It will begin to untie itself. Or a knife is good.

- You're the Big Fat Ninja everyone is talking about aren't you?
- Great White Ninja.

- The blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night.
- Thats pretty black, man.
- It is a black art. And I, Haru, am the blackest of the black. Or rather the Great White blackest arts black master.

And lesson 34, the final technique for ripping a man's head off is by simply using your bare hands. This is difficult to master, and takes years, sometimes decades to achieve. I suggest that you practice on chickens.

Keep practicing Joey, and one day you will choke that chicken.

- I think I would like to rent one of your lodgings. Is the cost great?
- Compared to what? A hut in a rice paddy? Sir, we are a five star hotel, with six hundred rooms booked months in advance.
- I have money.
- I'm sure you do. Unforunately, we don't take wampum.
- Do you perhaps take gold?

A spy is like a gnat, compared to a ninja.

It sounds to me you are being led around by your short sword.

My mission is clear. I must go to the hills of Beverly, find Sally Jones and save her, and prove once and for all that I am the Great White Ninja.

- I am sure you would like to know who I am and what I do, but as part of my creed I cannot tell you. You see, my identity must remain mysterious and my mission secret. I cannot reveal it to you.
- Why not?
- Because I would then have to kill you.
- Daddy! He said he was going to kill me.

- Thanks @sshole!
- You are welcome!

I shall do as you say. I shall protect the village. I shall guard the dojo. And I shall water the plants.



"Wise man say, forgiveness is divine but never pay full price for late pizza."