Unintentionally hilarious lines

Since this TV movie probably tied in the 'Worst Titanic Script of All Time' with Julian Fellowes' recent mini-series, I think it's time we appreciate its one strong point - its hilarious script. Let's list some of the gems.

Captain Smith: She was aptly named 'Titanic'. The Titans dared to challenge the Gods, and for their arrogance, they were cast down into Hell.

Eh? I realise that Greek mythology probably wasn't high on the curriculum in Captaining school, but did the writers just derive their knowledge from Disney's Hercules?

Captain Smith: You have broken one of the cardinal rules of safety: never turn your broadside to danger. Had we struck the 'berg head on, only one compartment would have been flooded!

Yes, I'm sure Captain Smith would have been delighted had one of his officers ploughed head-on into an iceberg without even trying to avoid it. That's the first rule of safety!

Mrs Paradine: You're a good man, Mr Lowe. What I mean is... you're a good sailor.

Was she worried he'd think she was flirting with him? And yes, he was such a good sailor that he was a ranking officer on a ship which went down with one of the greatest losses of life in peacetime maritime history!

Steward Doonan: You're a dead duck, laddie!

There are no words.

Molly Brown: Where I'm from - Denver - Mr Ismay would be hung up from the nearest pine tree!

Yes, Mrs Brown was notorious for calling for Ismay's summary execution to the press.

Molly Brown: Here's to a rip-roarin' maiden voyage for us and the Titanic!

You tell em', cowgirl! Yippy-i-o-ki-yay!

Alice Cleaver: Stop whinin'. Stop whinin', stop WHININ'!

Brilliant childcare - Edwardian style!





Your name is of no importance and you live in the pipe in the upstairs water closet.