The should have sent in Vulcan Raven of FOXHOUND. A Metal Gear Solid character. This movie seemed odd because I think there were overdubs like (my balls and my nuts). And some guy that kept on talking about his balls.
shareIf you want something blown up, just send John McClane.
Then again, McClane doesn't like environmental fanatics (if he hates California, he hates hippies and all things related to hippies), so he would probably duck out at the last minute, then kill everyone else they send to stop them. Bruce Willis is a staunch Reaganist, and we all know how much Reaganists hate government/EPA interference with their companies.
The way I see it, McClane will be sent in to blow up the refinery (despite the environmental damage it may cause) with nothing other than his Beretta and a wife-beater. Then, he runs into Michael Caine.
Caine: Oy! McClane!
McClane:...Alfie?
Caine: NO! I'm the CEO here!
McClane: Oh. Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to kill you.
Caine: And why the hell is that?
McClane: Because...because you're the bad guy!
Caine: Why? Because I run an oil company? C'mon, McClane, don't tell me you've been listening to this liberal rubbish!
McClane: Hey! I hate liberals!
Caine: Then why the hell are you coming to blow us up? Do you really want to live in a world where people drive electric cars? Or where your TV is run by solar power? God forbid you want to also help them destroy the tobacco industry!
McClane: Of course I don't!
Caine: Exactly! Don't you see, McClane? You're ONE OF US. Come work for us, and you'll be a lot happier!
McClane: Will I get to kill anyone?
Caine: Of course!
McClane (looks at John C. McGinley): Can I kill him?
Caine: Sure.
McGinley: What?!
McClane: (shoots McGinley in the head): Yippee-Ki-Yay, *beep*
When McClane defects, Hollywood sends Will Smith, Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise, Sean Penn, and every other liberal actor they can think of who's done a few action films. They are all disembowled by McClane. They even send Michael Moore to fix things up. He is burned alive, and thrown to the polar bears. Big business continues to thrive.
Hollywood Liberal #1: Maybe we should have sent Seagal after all. At least he can kick ass...
Hollywood Liberal #2: Too late. He got his hand stuck in between Van Damme's butt cheeks during his last fight.
"...the blood bank."
Send in the Lorax.
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