100 Things we learned from Heavyweights

26. 76% of Americans forget to stretch before physical activities.
27. Oreos can be used for emergencies.

1. Never put Twinkies on a pizza.

2. Lars is from far away.

3. Its possible to do a sit-up without seeing your forehead.

4. No one's seen more butts than Uncle Tony.

5. He DID say skinny wieners.

6. To Lars, deer seem frightening.

7. A scrap of tinfoil can easily pass for a Hershey's Kiss.

8. War is NOT hell, fat camp is.

9. Only "fat loads" go to fat camp.

10. The Body System saves lives.

11. You can eat success for breakfast, with skim milk...

12. All you need is Mother Earth, Father Sky, and your dear old Uncle Tony.

13. You can't be President if you're from England.

14. NEVER LET ANYONE SIGN YOUR CHECKS!

15. No one buys an infomercial about fat kids who can't keep their piggy little snouts shut.

16. If Lars takes a photo of your butt, it breaks the camera.

17. 'speed' means the camera is rolling

18. Honey attracts deer

19. baseball is like cricket

20. closing the shower door can prevent mosquitoes from biting ones buttocks

21. tomatoes are fruit

22. People get the 'chair' for kidnapping

23. A fat black kid can go from just that to becoming a rapper.

24. Tony can walk on glass.

25. Tony can show British butterballs what it means to be American.

26. 76% of Americans forget to stretch before physical activities.

27. Oreos can be used for emergencies.

28. Go-karts can be addicting

29. The fattest boy in camp named Sims can be intimidating the first time you see him waving a stick at you and will seem like he's bound to give you trouble the rest of camp but nothing really pans out.
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30. "Everybody wants to be free"

31. Lars has trouble with his sciatic nerve.

32. Nein is not the answer it's German for no!

33. Lars is with us. He loves us.

34. Tony Perkis knows me, because he was me.

35. Maury Garner did not send Gerald to go-kart camp

36. Hiding a clown Pez dispenser in your sock isn't good enough.

37. Mr. Bushkin tells the scariest ghost stories you ever heard.

38. The Islanders are the "team of the future."

39. We should all watch out for Salami Sam!

40. Simmons is the fattest boy in camp.

41. Don't pee in the water, Lars will tell.

42. The chipmunk bunk is the best bunk in the entire camp.

43. Salami hurts your back when ducktaped on for extended periods of time.

44. The camp nurse is hot and doesn't mind fat guys

45. A certain school bus driver is extremely impatient on the final day of school at Gerald's school.



A blind optometrist is a retired optometrist.

83. Sam is just telling you what he heard.
84. The camp used to not stink at all.
85. Americans have no sense of history.
86. A weight loss goal of 17 lbs was considered srs business in the 90s.
87. You don't have any value yet.
88. New kid drives the bus.
89. Pat will not pick up your head if it falls off.
90. It was too hot on that bus.
91. Tony is not teaching sports, he is teaching life.
92. Lunch is canceled due to lack of hustle.
93. Josh loves the food.
94. He wants meat!
95. You're not the fat kid, everybody's the fat kid.
96. 11 year olds go to high school.
97. Drinking lemonade results in,"ewwwww!"
98. Fat kids can't throw a baseball over the fence.
99. Jocks from Camp MVP can't shave a balloon.
100. Sugar free punch bites!
101. Carolina ribs, the pork not the beef.
102. Go karts don't jump, they fly.
103. Pat might catch his breath next summer.
104. There isn't a gummy bear left in the entire camp.
105. Bring a mop and a plunger.
106. Tony Perkis used a primitive version of photoshop.
107. Nick didn't mean to.
108. People hide cheeseburgers in a hollowed tree stump.
109. Wear your name tags so your parents recognize you.
110. Muscle weighs more than fat!
111. The Perkis system does not work with cheaters like Gerald Garner.
112. Pack light boys, the party's over.
113. The fat man wants to tell Tony what's healthy.
114. Pat has never scored a point at anything.
115. Getting humiliated by that psycho was pretty cool.
116. Parents are the cause of my... their problems.
117. 150x+80(41-8x/3)-9/82+ the square root of x squared power=7+ the square root of 1 squared-4(6)(-2)/x(6)=11