Seriously what a jerk, he made 7 times more than her and expected her to contribute HALF? If anything if he wanted to be "fair" he have made her contribute 1/7th of the bills. OR said "you pay utilities and groceries I'll pay the rest" or something!
share[deleted]
Paying half is different than paying your share. She didn't "bitch" about anything, just opposed his take on it (ie. How would it be fair for her to pay for her meal, plus part of his). If anything, she should have "bitched" more, then he would directly know what the problem was instead of having to read her mind.
shareShe said so herself...
We created the missionary position. ... You're welcome!
I agree, he was a jerk. I especially hate how he condescended to her in front of her mom, "Lena, you have to buy lighter fluid when you buy charcoal...or do I have to remind you every time?" Besides, he was psycho to build a house with crooked walls and unsturdy tables...just for "effect." When poring over the expenses he went line by line, forcing Lena to justify every purchase, as though she were a child. I didn't like him at all.
shareDid you notice that she immediately reached into a cupboard, got the lighter fluid out and handed it to him?
The patronizing crud didn't just say "where's the lighter fluid?" or "I can't find the lighter fluid", he had to make it her fault.
You want sausage? I've got sausage, too.
A sign of controlling behaviour. She did well to get shot of him.
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Be excellent to each other!
A sign of controlling behaviour. She did well to get shot of him.
I wouldn't have given Harold a second date. But Lena let him get away with being a bastard until her mother set her straight. I still tear up at that "I will be waiting like a tiger in the trees" speech.
"Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"
I still tear up at that "I will be waiting like a tiger in the trees" speech.
[deleted]
Yeah, I COMPLETELY agree. That was one of the most selfish men I have ever seen. What really brought it home was when he and Lena were out at dinner and he had a three course meal, SHE had a mere salad, yet he demanded she pay for half of HIS food! Crazy selfish!
I read the book by Amy Tan and I truly feel that women of all backgrounds can relate to the experiences of these characters. It has a really universal theme, in a sense, regarding the issues women and girls contend with in the world.
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Lena's the one who wanted everything to be fair! But I agree, paying half the bill at dinner when you only have a salad, or paying for your cat's fleas when the cat was a gift, or paying for half of the ice cream when you don't eat it, is not fair.
Now, this marriage was a case of older man/younger woman/no passion/neither in love. I've been there.
"I hardly know, which way is up, or which way down" - "I Feel Possessed", Neil Finn
Every time I watch the scenes I couldn't help to question:
- Does men like that actually exist and still getting women??
- If Lena just want to please her mother, why won't her just look for another Chinese man? It's not like he's the only Chinese man in America
- There must be a hundred reason why Lena should not marry the man, even her mother doesn't like him, so why marry him still? Lena doubles her trouble when she 1) hide the man's problems and 2) hiding the fact that her daughter is living a miserable married life
Classics are names that everyone heard, yet most have never seen!!
- Does men like that actually exist and still getting women??
@nicotineprincess: I don't have access to the movie right now but I want to know what her mother said to her when she told her daughter to "know her worth". I cannot remember the exact words, but I loved the way she explained to the daughter how she needed to know she was worth more than what her husband was giving her. Do you (or anyone else who may read this thread and has watched the movie recently and may remember) remember the words her mother speaks to her? I need to know this because my daughter is in a bad situation with her own marriage and I am looking for ways to encourage her and rebuild her self esteem by finding quotes, etc. she can use as a mantra to get her through this difficult time in her life.
I believe she is letting her husband treat her disrespectfully and I want to give her all the support and encouragement I can to help her either get him to turn around in the way he is treating her or to finally come to the conclusion she must leave him if he will not respect her as she deserves. I learned these lessons on my own many decades ago, but I am wanting to find ways to reinforce what I believed I had taught her growing up but what she seems to not remember now.
^The part you are talking about where the mom tells the daughter to know her worth was actually a scene between An Mei and her daughter, Rose. Theirs was the third story in the movie, told just after this one.
Rose was the daughter who married the rich guy she dated in college and then found herself losing her identity during their marriage and caring only about his needs and wants. To the point that he became bored and cheated on her, eventually asking for a divorce. His main attraction to Rose when they started dating had been that she wasn't afraid to express herself and she ended up becoming a shell of her former self during their marriage.
An Mei's backstory was that her mom had been disowned by the family back in China when they didn't believe she was raped by Wu Tsing. Pregnant as a result of the rape and having nowhere else to go, her mother went to live in Wu Tsing's house as one of his concubines. Remember, An Mei's mother came back and eventually took her to live in Wu Tsing's house, where An Mei found out the whole story and her mom committed suicide.
Flash forward to Rose's life and we see An Mei questioning Rose as to why she is going out of her way to bake her soon to be ex husband's favorite pie when he is coming over to discuss their divorce settlement.
An Mei: "What you going to do with leftovers after he eats one slice?"
Rose: "Throw it away I guess."
An Mei: "You ask yourself why you bake this because I know even if you don't."
Rose: "I like being tragic, Ma. I learned it from you."
An Mei: "You think he sees this pie and he's so sorry to take you for granted. You think this, you are the foolish one. Every time you give him a gift is like begging. ' Take this...I'm sorry...please forgive me. I'm not worth as much as you.' So he only takes you more for granted. You're just like my mother...Never know what you're worth until too late."
She then goes on to tell Rose the story about her own mother's tragic life and death and afterwards relates the story to their lives, as well.
Rose: "Mom, does it mean? What does it mean, mommy?"
An Mei: "I tell you this story because I was raised the Chinese way. I was taught to desire nothing, to swallow other people's misery, and to eat my own bitterness. And even though I taught my daughter the opposite, she came out the same way. Maybe it is because she was born to me and she was born a girl, and I was born to my mother and I was born a girl. All of us, like stairs, one step after another going up, going down but always going the same way.....But no, this cannot be. This..this not knowing what you're worth. This did not begin with you. My mother not know her worth until too late. Too late for her, but not for me. Now we will see if not too late for you."
Then the scene cuts to Rose confronting her husband behind their house in the rain, where she firmly tells him off.
Rose (to husband): "You're not taking my house, you're not taking my daughter. You're not taking any part of me. Because you don't know who I am. I died 60 years ago. I ate opium...and I died. For my daughter's sake. Now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
Hope that helps with your situation with your daughter.
Namu Myoho Renge Kyo
I wondered what the hell a lovely woman like Lena ever saw in that guy!
He had the personality of a dial tone, and the looks & compassion to match.
"I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus."
"Didn't he discover America?"
"Penfold, shush."