100 Things I Learned From Toy Soldiers

7. When somebody's says "we don't wanna hurt anybody, get in the truck" it's not a good idea to reach for your gun.

terrorists can not hear helicopters (especially if it is sneaking right under their noses) in their vicinity. they hear them only if it rises up to their level.

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11. Going around in nothing but underpants in a small dorm room packed with 7 dudes could not even be remotely misconstrued in a homoerotic context.

12. When a head count is being taken of all the students, always get the only black guy in school to skip in line in order to dupe the terrorists into miscounting the one kid that's missing

13. "I'm sorry" is the only thing you need to say when the head terrorist, on his last legs and ready to blow himself and the school up, looks hysterically to you for an answer once you've foiled his entire scheme.

14. Smoking isn't such a good idea, period

15. Eat $hit, Mr Peterson!

16. Spray painting police cars and school property with the word "rejects" isn't very smart, since it lets everyone know exactly who done it every time you vandalize something

17. Did Billy mention he was black?

18. How do you think Billy broke into the headmaster's office to get the furniture out? How do you think he got last year's algebra final?

19. Jeez Louise, Yogurt! You'd think we were going to defuse a bomb or something?!

19. With a f-in machine gun we could shred these f-ers!

20. You shouldn't have been being sarcastic, you should've been writing it down.

21. Joey, shut the door!

22. If you own the third largest construction company in the world - you're a contractor

23. When attemping to disarm a bomb with the terrorists being distracted in another part of the school, always hide underneath the desk, just in front of the chair, when a bad guy unexpectedly returns to the room. Chances are he wouldn't sit down there

24. Americans always say stuff - but they never actually do it!

25. Don't make Billy look like a Narc to his friends


So you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn.

This is awesome

29. The school might get taken over by terrorists, but u will still getting pots and pans
30. Moving the headmasters furniture outside is funnier than cherry bombs in the toilets
31. Pick up that banana
32. When hiding in the basement, a kids allergies will always give away his identity
33. Mouth wash looks tastes and smells just like vodka
34.

34. Why switch the chips? You could just take the thing and flush it down the toilet.

35. Machine gun stuff must run in mafia families.

36. Do you have anymore magazines?

37. If the Dean catches you, he doesn't kill you!

38. Billy sold 8 bottles of mouthwash for 35 bucks a piece. He's a genius.

39. Billy's going for the guinness book of records.

40. When you want to give a kid a really terrible punishment you give him pots and pans. Billy has to wash that $hit after every meal.

41. It wouldn't have happened if the American government hadn't kidnapped his father.

Buckle up back there, we're going into... hyperactive

53. If he pulls the wires, the bombs will go off so you need to shoot him!
54. If a phone sex operator gives you the choice of stockings on or off, you definitely tell her to leave them on.
55. Jeans with big holes in the knees are cool.
56. If Luis and Jorge don't answer, something is very wrong.
57. Garage door openers make great bomb detonating remotes.
58. If someone saves your life, you need to apologize for being such an a**hole to them. Common courtesy.
59. Muddy water smells no different than just having gotten out of the shower.
60. Every military academy/prep school needs a token black kid.
61. If the water is running, then you're not in any trouble.
62. Lou Gossett, Jr. can't just wait there damnit.