MovieChat Forums > Switched at Birth (1991) Discussion > If you was in the Twiggs shoes?

If you was in the Twiggs shoes?

posted 18 years ago by boz-ter
22 replies | jump to latest

I have seen a lot of stuff on this page, about the Twiggs, the Mays and Kim. I am not going to go into who I am, but I at one time was good friends with Kim, and also the Twiggs, and still talk to them on a daily basis. I have a question for everyone that comes into this forum, if this happened to you, how would you of handled it? I think a lot of the people that talk about how poorly the Twiggs handled it, would of handled it much the same way that the Twiggs did. If your not in someones shoes, how can you call them selfish. They did want there daughter back, and guess what, if it was your daughter, you would want her back too! All I am asking, is that you look at this in a different prospective then you have been. There will be another story coming about this in under a year, and the story will fill in a lot of blanks. Not sure yet what the name will be, or anything like that, but it will be interesting. I was there for a lot of what happened with the Twiggs, and Kim, and there is a lot that was never said. But it will be said soon.

[–] Natasharic81 18 years ago

I agree with you wholeheartedly. If I were Mrs. Twigg, I would want my child back too. She never gave up her child, so they should have been given custody. The person everyone seems to be forgetting, though, is Kimberly. The poor child grows up thinking that she's part of one family, and then finds out she belongs to another. I think if she had been a little older, she might have been able to handle the situation better, but that would be hard to handle at any age. I just hope that she was able to come to terms with what happened, and try and be happy with who she is......she has two families that love her, and want the best for her. I also feel sorry for Arlena. She was not given a fair chance in life, and it wasn't her fault she was always sick. It's a shame there was nothing that could have saved her life. I pray that Kimberly finds peace within herself, and that she and her children are happy.

[–] earleykatrina 18 years ago

i think by saying they want their daughter back though that sort of cancels out arlena as being their child as if kimberley was not the mays child arlena was never their child . also if arlena had still been alive would they have demanded a straight swap of the girls i dont think so i think that the twiggs were in a bad situation but think about kimberleys father also he was a victim too

[–] boz-ter 18 years ago

So you would not fight for your kid? Is this what you are trying to say. The swap was not the Twiggs fault, it was the hospitals, and yes it got shut down for that. Did the Hospital deserve to get shut down? I don't know, but they screwed up, and someone had to pay for there mistake, and people have been paying for that hospitals mistakes for years. So if your going to blame someone, blame it on the hospitals.

[–] earleykatrina 18 years ago

what if bob mays had decided hed like to exhume arlenas body and bury it were he would like how would the twiggs feel about that ?

[–] boz-ter 18 years ago

That would be within his right as the true father to that child. How would they feel, I don't know, I will ask next time I talk to them. To tell the truth do to what happened, I think the family would be fine with it. The Twiggs are not the monsters the press said they was.

[–] earleykatrina 18 years ago

i lost my daughter aged 18 mths 3 years ago if somebody wanted to take her body back out from the ground for whatever reason it would break my heart as she was laid to rest and is supposed to stay rested it would take a very cold hearted person to let something as silly as dna make them forget their love for their daughter and regardless of what they know now arlena was still their child when she died

[–] glassrose385 17 years ago

I felt bad for the Twiggs and Bob Mays. They both lived Arlena and Kim as their own. But in a way I think the Twiggs sort of tried to force Kim into their lives too much.

[–] thebilliejean 16 years ago

The Twiggs are the monsters, they shouldn't have wait until poor Arlena died, to me it seems like they were trying to replied Arlena with Kimberly, if I was in they shoes as SOON as the tests about Arlena blood and others thing, I would investigated and say I want my daughter back and give Bob HIS DAUGHTER BACK,Bob lost his wife and never got a chance to met his real daughter that sad.

[–] AND77 16 years ago

I don't think the Twiggs were monsters at all - they, too, were victims in the baby switch. I cannot imagine anything harder on parents to lose a baby, then to lose another child 10 years or so later. Clearly, they loved Arlena as their own, even after the discovery that she was not their biological child. It's also obvious that they were good parents and formed a loving family with the several children they had.
I DO question their actions a bit, though. Yes, I would want my biological child back, too - no question about that. Anyone would. I even agree with the lawsuit against the hospital; I don't believe the switch was an accident, and any doctor would have known the difference between a sick baby and a perfectly healthy one born days later. But here are the 2 things they did that I really thought were dumb, and bordered on asinine:
1)suing to have Kim's name changed to "Arlena Twigg." From all I have read, this only succeeded in further alienating Kim and Bob from them. No matter who someone is biologically, you cannot take their whole identity from them.
2)they cooperated in the book "The Baby-Swap Conspiracy" by Loretta Schwartz-Nobel. This book was so clearly slanted that it came off as little more than a joke to me. The woman does a wonderful private investigative job of uncovering the truth behind the switch, but the assertions of abuse on the part of Bob Mayes (that she gets almost solely from the perspective of ex-wives whom he was on terrible terms with) were way out of bounds and unfair. I didn't believe them. Maybe they were true, but I know too much about divorce and the bitterness that can ensue to believe the words of exes.
Eventually, Kim came to live with the Twiggs anyway, so they must have been doing something right.
Any update on Kimberly, Bob Mayes, or the Twiggs?

[–] onederboi779 16 years ago

the whole story is very sad in my opinionfor both sides.i mean the twiggs found out that the child that they had been loving and taking care of for years was not theres biologically.but they still loved her and that is definatley shown in the movie especially when arlena dies.naturally they would want to find their biological child.at the same time mays had lost his wife to cancer and im just asuming she was very young when she died.so he was raising the child on his own only to find out years later she wasnt his biological daughter.i dont think the twiggs are monsters nor do i think that mays was a monster.like a previous poster said the hospital mixed up the babies and caused a major heartache for two families.plus just from what it shows in the movie the media was in both their faces constantly the mays and twiggs about the whole situation.and then for the child it had to have been awful to find out that her father wasnt her biological father.both sides apparently love this child very much or they would not have fought so hard for her.my heart goes out to both families for this terrible ordeal that they all had to go through.

[–] cosmic_quest 15 years ago

Of course it is hard for anyone to know what they would do since few of us have been in this situation. But if I were in the Twiggs' shoes, I would hope I would have the strength to put Kim's needs first and see that forcing a half-grown child from the only father she ever knew would be the worst thing ever for her.

It would be different if she were a baby or a very young toddler but you just can't expect a child of nine to adjust to a new life and family. I would hope for some access, such a meeting up every week or so, but Kim belonged to Bob. Blood is not everything. I also felt there was something quite repulsive in the Twiggs' trying to replace their dead daughter with Kim. It almost cheapened their love for Arlena that they could just so quickly decide to find their own daughter and try to slot her in Arlena's place.

"I always pretend to root for Gryffindors but, secretly, I love my Slytherin boys."~ Karen, W&G

[–] ChristmasStan 15 years ago

OKay I habve just watched this movie (again). Years ago I thought the TWIGGS were mean people. I thought that yes they should have visitation rights but not legal rights. I still hold to that but I no longer think of them as being wrong.

Now you have to think off the poor "TWIGGS" like this. This family burried 2 children. The last one they raised who they thought was thiers wasn't of course. Thats what makes it all the more heartbreaking. When someone loses a child its the hardest thing. Mrs Twigg lost 2 children.

Knowing her real daughter was "OUT THERE" she had every right to see her and to want to have a relationship with her daughter.

In the years sine the movie was made I know there has been lots of drama. Kim at one time had moved in with the TWIGGS. I have no idea what has happened to all parties involved since I herd that but I hope that there is a since of peace and happiness in thier lives now. I think all involved need & deserve are understanding.

[–] Moviegoer Dan 15 years ago

Boz, it's "if you 'were,'" not "if you 'was'".

[–] salchoff 13 years ago

I think it's hard to say what we would do, because the situation itself is so difficult. Yes, they lost their "not their" child, meanwhile their biological child turned out to be living somewhere. I can understand they wanted to meet her. But I could never really accept what they did later, all the stuff with taking the girl from the man who brought her up. Even if he wasn't her biological father, he was the only father she knew. And she was big enough to remember it. Besides, I have always got it a little as if they forgot about the girl who died, but who spend so many years with them and whom they must have loved, even after she turned out to not be their biological daughter.

I've once seen very similar movie (I guess, also based on real events), only both children were alive and were much younger when the situation was discovered. Here is the link, in case anybody was interested: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212543/. Anyway, the families decided to keep their "not their" children but stayed in close touch, so they knew very well what was happening with their biological kids. I never followed the situation and don't know if they kept it for ever, but it'd be sad if they didn't, since I guess it's the best solution of situation like this, especially if you think about the children, not the adults.

[–] PaulaDec63 12 years ago

The Twiggs did not take Kim away from the only father she had ever known; they insisted on getting to know her and allowing her to come visit them. As I recall, that worked for awhile, but at some point Kim sued to sever all ties with them, as all the media hype and the back-and-forth visiting had ruined her life. However, maybe a year after she was allowed to cut ties with the Twiggs, she went through some teenage rebellion and actually moved in with them for awhile. Then, she got married at 17 and had a child, but the marriage didn't last. Seems like she's had a rough life and that's sad. If the Twiggs had left her alone, at least until she was grown, I wonder what her life would have been like.

[–] Chaseterrier 13 years ago

If I was the Twiggs, I would want to at least meet the "lost" daughter.

Did the Twiggs handle it the wrong way? Yes they did!!! Is there a better way to handle it??? I do not know!!!

[–] Moviegoer Dan 13 years ago

Chaseterrier,

are you deliberately promoting illiteracy by going back to saying "if you was,"
this after I corrected the original poster's grammar?

MGD

[–] copeland_399 12 years ago

@ Moviegoer Dan

What a cheek you have to correct people's grammar. This is a discussion not a classroom.

[–] brunhilda2013 10 years ago

Speaking as a mother who has lost a child, if I had another biological child, of course I'd want to meet the child and I'd want my other children to get to know their brother or sister. I wouldn't presume, however to try and take the child from the only family he or she ever knew. That would be incredibly selfish.

[–] myndchanger 10 years ago

The Twiggs were not monsters but they were wrong. They insisted upon treating the kidnapping like a theft of property. This was a 9yr old child, not a car. They turned her life upside down to repossess her.

[–] PaulaDec63 8 years ago

Kimberly Mays was interviewed by Barbara Walters on the TV show "American Scandals" some time within the past year or two.

I don't remember all the details now, but at the time of the interview, Kim was 36 years old and had something like 6 children with several different fathers. And I believe the son she had when she was in her late teens and married to her first husband does not have any contact with her. She's led an interesting life, it seems - VERY messed up.

I believe the Twiggs should have left her alone until she turned 18 and just let her grow up in Florida as she was doing. True, her choices are hers alone, but I don't doubt that all the media attention to her unusual case, as well as the tug-of-war over her between the two families, affected her ability to choose more wisely.

Bob Mays, who she referred to in this fairly recent interview as "my dad," died a few years back, and Kim said she misses him. And in spite of what the movie portrayed, I don't think Kim got along well with his third wife.

Edit: I found a video of part of the Barbara Walters interview here: http://www.investigationdiscovery.com/tv-shows/barbara-walters-presents-american-scandals/barbara-walters-presents-american-scandals-video/where-is-kimberly-mays-the-girl-switched-at-birth-who-divorced-her-biological-parents/

I looked on findagrave.com for Bob Mays, and Kim herself posted a very touching tribute to him, along with a picture of him with two of her children: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=pv&GRid=85820533

[–] weemidge 8 years ago

Caught this last night on OWN....and while I sympathize with the Twiggs', they really, especially Regina (whom I believe is a nutjob) screwed Kimberly's life up...Bob Mays raised her, she had a home, was doing well in school, and the whole nightmare, custody, court cases, Regina wanting to call her Arlena all took its toll...should've been let Kimberly decide as an adult whether she wanted a relationship with the Twiggs, and I'm glad at least now it seems Kim has her life straightened out....she had it rough, by her own choices yes, but I believe rooted all to having her world turned upside down...

"Life is like a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."