Tremors fan-fiction

"Well, Kevin, I never thought I'd live to see this. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a thing like this was possible," said Fred Ward to Kevin Bacon.
"No, I can scarcely believe it myself," said Kavin Bacon.
"And here I thought these things were supposed to be fictional," said Fred Ward.
"So did I, but that does appear to be a graboid over there. And it looks pissed," said Kevin Bacon.
"You bet your ass it's pissed. It's been victimised by the media, and you and me, brother, didn't help it's plight any," Fred Ward said.
"Listen, I ain't got time for this kind of Mickey Mouse *beep* - what are we going to do?" pondered Kevin Bacon.
"Way I see it, Bacon," Fred Ward said, "we got two options. We can sit here wondering about the how's and the why's, or we can stop this motherhumper."
"But I mean, you must have some experience here, Fred. You were in one of the sequels, weren't you?" Kevin Bacon said.
"Only one of them though. I know what we need, and his name is Michael Gross," Fred Ward said, "only I don't think he'll be able to help."
"Why not?" asked Kevin Bacon.
"Last I heard he had seen that film you were in where you turn yourself invisible and was trying to do the same thing..." Fred Ward said.
"Hey, man, is there somethng you're not telling me? Kevin Bacon said, having detected a note of concern in his co-star's voice.
"Aw hell, I can't keep this from a buddy. Here goes: I told you that Michael Gross was just trying to become invisible. But Richard Dean Anderson told me that our buddy Mike already succeeded in doing this, and now he's real close to cracking the formula to reverse the procedure," Fred Ward said.
"No s**t? That's pretty wild," Kevin Bacon exclaimed, obviously surprised.
"Yeah, and there's more. According to Richard Dean Anderson, for the past few weeks Michael Gross has spent his time harassing Natalie Portman in her sleep and trying to crack the code for reversal, which you and Elisabeth Shue and Josh Brolin and that dude from Heroes and that girl from Deadwood and those other guys were trying to find," Fred Ward said.
"Jesus H. Christ. I mean, Jesus hullabaloo-fisting Christ! I knew that film was real! That Dutch *beep* plays with your mind, made me forget it was actually happening. I knew it!" Kevin Bacon shouted.
"Damn, buddy, you sound real sore," Fred Ward said.
"Damn right! That could be me in Portman's bed every night! But can't we get in contact with Michael Gross and ask for his help?" Kevin Bacon said.
"If I could I would, bro, and you know he'd come running if he knew we needed his help," said Fred Ward.

Suddenly...

"Look out!" shouted Kevin Bacon.

The ground in front of them seemed to fall away and a graboid shot out, roaring fiercely. It's smaller apendages slithered around looking for anything to grab and pull back down with them to eat, but it only succeeded in finding some tyres and a football, where were soon shot back out of the earth and were raining down on the two actors come monster fighters.

"Bacon, it's now or never," Fred Ward said.
"Well then," Kevin Bacon said heroically, "let's roast this turkey!"

The two film stars unloaded on the graboid with shotguns and assault rifles, but to no avail.

"Fred! This ain't working," Kevin Bacon shouted over the sound of the continuing gunfire.
"I know, just keep shooting! Maybe we'll hit a nerve!" Fred Ward shouted back.
"It's no use, Fred, it's too powerful! These things are obviously a lot tougher in person!" Kevin Bacon said.

Just then, two fist-sized pouches flew through the air, producing powerful explosions of wonderful colour as they hit the creature.

"Chinese black magic!" shouted a familiar voice.
"Who the -" began Kevin Bacon.
"It can't be... well I'll be a son of a bitch," proclaimed Fred Ward.

Two more pouches hit the graboid, and it exploded, sending guts and flesh everywhere.

"Victor Wong! Well how the hell have you been? I haven't seen you in close to nineteen years!" Fred Ward said as the figure walked towards them.
"It is good to see you again, Fred Ward. When I discovered news of your plight I knew you would need my asistance," Victor Wong said.
"I don't know what we would have done without you," said Kevin Bacon, "probably kept shooting until we ran out of ammo."
"I'm just glad I made it in time. But I must leave; urgent matters recquire my attention. I will see you again some day. Some day soon."

With that, Victor Wong disappeared just as suddenly as he had arrived, leaving the remaining two friends alone in the desert.

"What do you want to do now, Fred?" Kevin Bacon said.
"I don't know, Kevin," said Fred Ward, "but the highway's that way."

*



To be continued in: Fred Ward & Kevin Bacon vs. Bobby and the Tubro Lovers

Time to blow