MovieChat Forums > Death Warrant (1990) Discussion > Things I've learned from this film... (S...

Things I've learned from this film... (Spoilers)


1) If a convict says "You can't kill me," it means that he has supernatural abilities and can survive things such as being shot full of bullets, set on fire, and having a spike driven through the back of his skull.

2) If you tell a female agent, with a single year under her belt, that she is inexperienced, it means that you're a sexist.

3) If your cellmate attempts to sexually assault you, but you're able to fight him off, he'll be the closest thing to a friend that you have in prison and will never attempt any kind of retaliation, like say...when you're asleep.

4) If a man promises to kill you, kick his ass once and he and his friends will leave you alone.

5) The guards won't go down into the basement; but if you go there, you can get drugs, "women," and electrical equipment with which to kill the guards and make your escape. (Why is Van Damme the only inmate to ask Priest for a set of jumper cables?)

6) Prisoners have heroes who receive standing ovations upon entering the prison. They also have nicknames, like "The Sandman," and catchphrases such as "You can't kill me" and "bring me a dream."

7) Rather than kill you outright, the man whom you sent to prison will beat you up to send a message and wait until later to try and kill you.

8) Teenage nerds will attempt to seduce older, better looking, women after having been alone with them for three minutes.

9) Not only do evil politicians explain their plans before killing you, they'll also let you escape if their wife shows up and you briefly explain to her what is going on.

10) When the entire prison discovers that you're a cop, they'll form an angry mob and attempt to kill you. When the prison hero (see No. 6) attempts to kill you, said mob will stand back and watch the two of you fight while cheering on their hero.

11) Bigoted police can smell black people from a distance.

12) Being hit in the head with a wrench is enough to knock you down, but you can recover quickly enough.

13) Being thrown from a second storey catwalk onto concrete is no more painful than falling off of a bicycle.

14) If you're in a fight to the death and your opponent is down, it is wise to finish them off rather than stand posing and taunting in front of an open fire.

15) If you can defeat the prison hero, the previously hostile crowd will come to respect you, and let you pass, rather than kill you as they had previously intended. This rule extends to under cover police officers.

reply

16) If people get killed inside a prison, it could affect the elections.

17) If you are afraid that the undercover agent YOU sent is going to solve the case YOU assigned him, the best way to stop him is to transfer his worst enemy inside the same prison, instead of just making him abort the mission.

18) All the inmates know that said enemy, who also happens to be their hero, is arriving, but the infiltrate.

19)When you realize that a serial killer who knows you are an infiltrate and wants you dead has just been transferred to your prison, instead of trying to avoid being spotted, just stare at him till he recognizes you and then go on wandering in the darkest and deepest areas of the prison without paying attention.

20) If you choke a guy to death and then save another guy's life, that's even.

21) Amanda Beckett is an alcoholic.

22) If you are chasing an enemy you can't find on a steamy catwalk, the best thing to do is to assume an angry pose and shout "I AM HEAR!!!" as loud as you can.

23) If somebody enters your cell during the night in order to stab you, wait till they have strangled your gay-ish cellmate and then hit them in the groin.

reply

24) When shot at from near point-blank range, the appropriate verbal response
is... "I'm the Sandman"

25) Dropping peanut shells is a sure-fire way to entice new prison arrivals

26) "SL" can stand for virtually anything, or nothing at all

27) Computer technology was extremely primitive in 1990

28) Van Damme doesn't pay and he sure as hell doesn't punk

29) Harrison prison doesn't have any female guards available

30) A great place to leave a small power saw is right next to the locked
and chained medical waste unit

31) Although he is a prisoner, the priest seems to have access to more materials
than the guards and the warden

32) Van Damme will always be shirtless at the conclusion of his films

33) A junior high school student can successfully hack into a federal
prison's highly confidential file directory

34) In an election year, voters will be far more concerned with a rash of
killings in some stink-pot prison, than they will be with issues like
the economy and foreign policy

reply

35) Amanda Beckett is HOT

Dead Or Alive, Your Coming With Me!

reply

36) Being sexually assaulted by a prison guard makes a woman hot for a guy she barely knows.

The Falcon flies

reply

lol, all of these r good!

reply

LOL @ #27!

reply

[deleted]

37) Multiple gunshots, being burned alive and having a 6 inch spike driven through his head will not kill the sandman. But having van damme grab his face will do the trick.

38) The best way to avoid having your cover blown, is to keep asking questions that a prisoner would not ask, but an undercover cop might.

39) Even though the warden is suspicous of an inmate and his wife, he will still allow them to be alone and would never think to bug the places where they meet.

40) If you're a white inmate, its ok to mingle with the black inmates, they'll only give you dirty looks.

reply

conjugal visits last half an hour

reply

-Canadian cops play fast & loose with the rules; unlike their by-the-book LAPD counterparts.
-Every CO is corrupt, and regardless of crimes, every convict is morally superior to CO's.
-Convicts in state prisons don't do much cell time.
-The best people to harvest organs from are those who live in squalid conditions where communicable diseases such as hep and HIV run rampant.
-No matter how small the role, Al Leong is a bad-ass son of a bitch.

reply

Even the prison guards don't like legit cops.

reply

41) Latino prison gangs often have a token Asian badass.

42) It is standard practice to put undercover cops into prisons to investigate crimes without giving them any real information about the crimes or those involved beforehand.

43) Bulletproof and flame retardant psychos have soft skulls.

reply

44) If you are an undercover cop investigating murders in a prison your female sidekick outside will inform you about everything she can but leave the most important detail for the end: that "you are next on the list".

45) Prisons transform into factories with working tools, boilers, etc. all of a sudden.

46) Female lawers graduated at the top of their classes in Stanford don't know that a prison guard sexually abusing a woman is against the law.

47) Computer cowboys like Star Trek.

48) Prisons have heavy weight lifting equipment such as bars, dumbbells, etc. at inmates disposal even though they can kill others very easily with them.

49) Van Damme like to finish his fights putting their opponents into washing machines (watch also Universal Soldier: The Retun).

50) It is always better to fight using punches and kicks than using an axe.

51) Women get aroused when they see Van Damme looking like hell after he receives a hard beating (watch also Nowhere to Run).

52) Prison guards will drink anything an inmate give to them, even if he was found guilty of murder.

53) Convicts prefer to stay and watch a fight between two inmates than break free.

reply

Number 53 is not unrealistic, but all the inmates watching one fight is. There would be multiple fights.

54. After you get stabbed, no one cleans up your wound, the guards just help you back to cell.

55. Priest is the black Pablo Escobar.

56. Van Damme's body is ridiculous.




Clark's Destiny = Superman, Lex Luthor & Lois Lane.

reply