Who do you side with?

I side with Barbara. I agree with what you said about both. I'll even add that it was her fault the kids got fat. The day she did decide to finally tell him she just wanted to "smash his face in", he turned it into a big deal and decided to get back at her just cause she hit him and expressed how she felt. He was MORE childish about the whole thing and that's why she wanted to kill him.

I have to say I side with Barbara. Neither one of them were saints, however Oliver got into a pissing match out of spite. If all she wanted was the house, she didn't want any money, and she just wanted to be left alone to start a business; why not let her? Oliver never really cared about the house, he just cared about controlling Barbara. He couldn't handle the rejection, and it is just another way of showing how insensitive he is.

Also, maybe if he had just given her some space when she needed it things could have been repaired. It could have been a simple mid-life crisis that could have blown over in time. In short, if a woman is so angry that she is talking about coming to blows, it might be in a person's best interest to let her have a cooling off period.

The reason I reluctantly side with Barbara is that Oliver really didn't care about the house; he just wanted to take it from her because she wanted it. The horrid fight over the house was mainly because of his vengefulness.


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Please put some dashes above your sig line so I won't think it's part of your dumb post.

I don’t agree with either of the characters’ tactics in handling the divorce proceedings. They sure weren’t saints and both had a role in instigating and propagating the messy conflict.

However, my sympathies lie with Oliver and not Barbara because whereas Barbara became cold, aggressive, uncaring, and unloving at some point in the relationship (and had not looked back since), Oliver had not gone past the point of no return. It’s apparent that he still loved and cared about her even after all the painful fighting. He saw and felt remorseful of the errors of his ways. For example, this is evident when he had a frank sit-down with Barbara at the dinner table and tried to reconcile with her. At that point, he still loved her and was willing to patch up the marriage by doing the right things.

When Barbara heard that Oliver had a heart attack, not only didn’t she sympathize with his condition, she felt happy and relieved that he may be dead. She didn’t feel guilty about not visiting him at the hospital. In contrast, Oliver wrote a loving note to Barbara at the hospital, thinking that he may die.

Barbara felt progressively trapped throughout the marriage; and instead of talking it over with Oliver or a therapist, she internalized the pain and became more and more upset with him (for making her life so uneventful and meaningless).These all led to her breaking point and point of no return: the night when she felt upset enough to want a divorce. Throughout the film, she was unyielding in her position and didn’t want to talk it over with Oliver (which Oliver was willing to do in a reasonable way), let alone hear him out.

Barbara was unrelenting in holding onto her stance and was resolute on the divorce. She was bent on achieving it painfully by either inflicting physical or psychological harm onto Oliver. She was willing to wreck the family unit by all means to achieve her freedom, lead her own life, and advance her career (something which Oliver was not prepared to do so). She reminded me a bit of the Meryl Streep character in Kramer V.S. Kramer.


"...sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.” ~ Cool Hand Luke

I'm rooting for Oliver every time. Not because I'm a man. As a man, I have to admit that Oliver really is an a$$hole at times. But, he wasn't trying to kill Barbara until she was clearly trying to kill him.

I think you're not supposed to side with either of them. It's a movie about divorce and what not to do when it happens. If anything, I side with Danny DeVito's character: if you can't reach an agreement, it's time to compromise.

I'm on Barbara 's side. Oliver is an a-hole. But...this is all her fault. He was a d*ck from the start and she never said or did anything about it.

I've always sided with Barbara. Oliver wasn't a good husband. Yes, he made a lot of money, but he didn't treat Barbara very well and she was always good to him.