MovieChat Forums > The War of the Roses (1989) Discussion > Both of them are intolerable

Both of them are intolerable

posted 11 years ago by SuperHelpfulMedic
8 replies | jump to latest

At one point I felt bad for Oliver: he was willing to give her the cash equivalent of the entire house, pay alimony for the kids, i.e. give her everything she could ever want to start a new life: cash & freedom. I really didn't like Barbara being so selfish, although I can appreciate the fact she probably had tried in the past to make her own money and pay for things, but Oliver was probably too condescending then as well.
Still, I didn't feel that gave her the right to be a beggar and a chooser, especially when she was being offered such a great parting deal.

But then that dinner scene with Barbara's clients...Oliver just comes in and pisses on the fish? Barbara had never done anything like that to him even though he had been condescending to her during his business dinners. I mean here he was, confirming exactly what she was afraid of him doing, which is why she had put that false exterminator notice: that he was a selfish man who didn't have the natural capability of sacrificing himself for the happiness of others, even a little bit. She had never done anything to him like this, she had basic decency!

When people say this movie isn't representative of relationships they're either full of *beep* or happen to be in one of those rare storybook marriages. The people I know are always like this, petty and selfish until they realize it goes too far, then they kiss and make up until they start doing it all over again, to infinity and beyond.

[–] miamisfootballplaya 11 years ago

I have to agree that pissing on the fish was above and beyond anything Barbara would ever have fathomed doing to Oliver. This was her opportunity to strike out on her own and have some measure of success. Heck, if he hadn't been so dismissive of her business when she mentioned it in the first place, things would have never become so bad. She always put on a show for his business associates and in turn he shows her such disrespect that even a complete doormat would have been driven to rage. He got what was coming to him.

[–] ValeriaMessalina 11 years ago

I agree, I found both of them completely insufferable, I wonder how they managed to last 20 years or however long it was. I imagine if I lived with a guy like Oliver for 20 years I'd want to kill him at the end too, which is why I'd probably have gotten a divorce way earlier than getting to that point. And she was uncommunicative and turned violent without much forewarning, she did most of the physical attacking on him, going as far as killing an innocent dog just to get back at her husband (yeah, I know we're shown a shot of the dog during the pate scene, but it was only added later when test audiences didn't respond well, and in the book she does kill Benny).

The problem I have with someone like Barbara is that she thinks because she feels a certain way inside her husband automatically knows it, she should've been able to realize that he is not a mind-reader, in fact, he was a pretty oblivious type. So instead of directly expressing her feelings she turned on that stupid passive-aggressive *beep* which I so loathe in relationships and later turned to straight out violence to make her point. That is not OK and it is not what a mature person does, but then again it'd be hard to call either of them mature by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not in a "storybook" marriage, but I know enough to voice my concerns to my husband and listen to his in turn, before they sit inside and rot the relationship and turn into loathing and resentment.

Overall, if I HAD to choose one of them to side with (which is difficult) I'd say Oliver, at least he wasn't a murderer and he wasn't physically abusive (and he killed the cat by accident). He tried until the very last moment to make something work, which after some of her actions I would've found an impossible feat.

[–] LukeLovesFilm28 10 years ago

I don't understand why everyone in this thread is complaining about Oliver pissing in the fish when it was Barbara that assaulted him several times and tried to kill him twice, once in the steam room and then again, while he was in his car.

As far as I can tell, the only time Oliver came close to crossing a line that Barbara didn't cross was when he was trying to force himself on her. But then, he gave her the upper hand and we all know how that turned out.

[–] 10 years ago

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[–] netmedia 9 years ago

This is easy. She was much worse. She was violent. Tried to kill him and chomp is penis off. He may have been emotionally cruel, but that doesn't condone violence.

[–] louiseculmer 8 years ago

i thought she was worse than him. More vicious. but neither were attractive personalities. I was unmoved by their deaths.

[–] LukeLovesFilm28 8 years ago

I know Oliver wasn't perfect. But he wasn't cheating. And given what Barbara would do to him, say to him, etc, I think he was extremely hospitable.

She was calling him "Fck face" for manerrupting and finishing her story for her?? WTF? Let's assume she called him "Fck face" a lot. I don't know about you but I would start pushing her away and wrapping myself up in my work, which is clearly not going to betray me and disrespect me like that.

Get off your soapbox while I play you a tune on the tiniest violin.

[–] louiseculmer 8 years ago

i found both of them rather dull characters, i just didn't care about their squabbles or their divorce or their obsession with hanging onto that great big house. She was more obnoxious than him, but both were bores.