'Santa knows'

i think this movie had a load full of great lines, i couldnt take it seriously

"i tried to cook a goose, and it ended up trying to tell me how to live my life"- Witley in the first scene

"I kill you... I kill you"...- Witley in the anal probing scene

Theres also a scene where he's sitting on the couch argueing about somthing with his wife and she goes "SIT UP WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU!" he proceeds to sit up and goes "im sitting up, im sitting up, are you happy?" she gets even more agrivated and takes one of her shoes off and throughs it really hard against the coffee table, Witley then goes "HAHA stupid women" and it cuts to the next scene

the plot dragged on so slowely but it was worth the great lines

"id stick pins in my eye balls before i let that wacko women fool with me"

[deleted]

"GET UP! I'm cookin', I'm cookin', I'm on a roll! What's the matter with you? BOOM!!!"

"A Hindu knock-knock joke!"

"I had such a terrible day, first the computer turns off, then the wolf painting jumps off the wall, it attacks me without provication. Then your mother calls, the toilet explodes, the duck I'm cooking tells me how to live my life! The computer completely erased itself when it turned off, no wonder I can't write my great 'American' novel."

"I've lost another day here. I lost, you know, what I lost was gold, smoke, dreams, phantoms. What I crave is: consilation!"

"Let your wife cook."

"Most of the time you leave the room, come right back and it's gone. But let me tell you that I am glad that this is not my room!"

Whitley: "Say something dirty."

Anne: "Sox."

Whitley: "Come on, say erec- can, can you say: 'erection'?"

Anne: "I'll never say it!"

I could go on and on... To me this is an extremly quotable movie. Of course, I quote this movie and no one has any idea what the hell I'm talking about!

I Like "Was there an owl in here lastnight".





"How do you know my name..?"
..."It's stenciled on the back of your shorts". {"\ (*_*) /"}

too many solid quotes:

'i'm more interesting than her...she should PAY ME!'

'i expected to recall prowlers, but i recalled something else, yes i do...little blue f**ckers!'

(with the elephant nose on halloween) 'this is clean, you can use this'

"THE RED LIGHT IS ON OH NO"

"Cut it out Whitley" "Hey ya---I WON'T! YOU WANNA SE-"

The entire dialogue in he bedroom before the shotgun incident.