Memorable Quotes (More like beastings)
Talk Radio has some good writing, and Barry Champlain (played by Eric Bogosian)does an great job as a loud-mouthed, smartass, who insults and demeans his callers and audience. Here are some funny conversations Barry has on his radio show (source: ScriptCrawler):
Let's go to the first caller.
Caller: A lot of problems with the country today have a lot do... - with the continued exploitation of the third world countries.
Barry: Wait. Third world countries? Where'd you learn that phrase, in college?
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Barry: Francine in Oakline.
Caller: I'm a transvestite.
I'm trying to save money for an operation...
Barry: What interest do you think your adventures in surgery hold for my listeners?
Caller: It's something I have to talk about.
Barry: I don't. *Hangs Up*
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Caller: Sometimes I come home from work and we have dinner together, you know?
Barry: No, I don't know. You have dinner at the table with your cat?
With a tablecloth and candles?
Caller: No, Barry.
Just her own plate on the floor. Good.
But we eat the same things. Like if I have a pork chop, she has a pork chop.
If I have a veal, she has a veal.
Barry: Glenn, take my advice.
Stop hangin' around with the pussy. Go find some.
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Barry: Know what the most dangerous drug is?
Caller: It's heroin.
Barry: No, it's legal.
It's tobacco.
It kills 350, 000 people a year.
You know how much coke, crack, heroin, pot kill every year?
Four thousand people. Will you listen to sense? Hello? Let me check.
Will you listen to logic, please?
The only people who benefit from prohibition... are the gangsters makin' the money on it, the politicians condemning it and gettin' your vote.
And who foots the bill? You, Rhonda Q Sucker!
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Caller: Well, I'm black.
Barry: Good for you.
What do you want? A medal?
Caller: *laughs* Well, no, I don't. Don't play with me like them other people.
I want you to know... that I enjoy listening to your show, and I want to say, I like you Jews.
Barry: Well, I like you blacks. I think everyone should own one.
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Caller: Yeah, you know what I think? You two are a couple of liberal pinkos.
That's what I think. Are you two homos? Is that what you are?
Barry: It's true, sir, indeed, Jeff Fisher and I are lovers.
Have been for the last 15 years. In fact, we're holding hands right now.
Caller: Probably *beep* lovers too.
Barry: Yeah, what race are you, sir?
Caller: I'm white, and I'm proud of it.
Barry: As one white man to another, let me ask you a question.
Do you know how much white Americans spend every year on suntan lotion?
$165 million!
That's a lot of money to spend just to turn brown.
You know why they wanna turn brown? Jeff, do you know why?
They wanna turn brown because they secretly want to be black.
You know why they wanna be black?
Because they feel sexually inferior.
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Barry: And what if a woman competes with you in the marketplace and takes your job?
What if black men start dating and marrying white women? Oh!
And what if homosexuals are teaching your children?
And what if you're afraid to walk the streets at night?
What if you see yuppies getting rich while you're standing in the unemployment line?
And what if your government sends you to Vietnam... to fight a war they have no chance of winning?
And what if your country is slipping away, lost?
I know the argument, friend.
It's the great theory of history. I've heard it before.
It says, "When things ain't good, instead of getting down
and doing something about it, instead of changing your life, it's a hell of a lot easier to blame somebody else."
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Barry:
Talk radio. Free speech isn't really free at all.
It's actually a little bit like Russian
roulette. A very expensive commodity.
You never know what's gonna come up the next time you push the button.
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Barry:
The worst news of the night is that... three of four people say they'd rather watch TV than have sex with their spouse.
The second worst news is that some kids needed money for crack last night, so they stuck a knife in the throat of an 80-year-old grandmother... down on Euclid Avenue right here in Dallas.
One night in one American city.
Multiply that by hundreds of cities and what have you got?
A country where culture means pornography and slasher films,; where ethics means payoffs, graft, insider trading,; where integrity means lying, whoring and intoxication.