100 things we learned from The Seventh Sign
1. When renting out your garage apartment, open your door to any random stranger who knocks when you're alone, show them the apartment when you're alone, and if they want it that's all that matters: take their money and don't worry about a lease application or agreement and credit check.
2. After renting your garage apartment to a total stranger on a whim, make sure you invite him to dinner. When upon knocking he doesn't answer his door, break and enter by going into the apartment uninvited and proceed to rifle through his belongings. After all, you're the landlord. You have that right.
3. When you see your new, mysterious tenant in a rainstorm from 20 yards away and call his name, but he doesn't see you, and the circumstances are far from suspicious, make sure you go out of your way to run after him, following him through a downpour to a random church. All because you want to offer him a ride. You're such a saint!
4. Your previous pregnancy was apparently tragically unsuccessful due to 'placental insufficiency' (Michael Biehn's comment later in the movie). The loss of that pregnancy was so devastating that you apparently attempted suicide. So yes - make sure that upon your next pregnancy, you are really careful. On a whim to offer a ride to a near stranger who has recently become your tenant, run after him for a few blocks. That's not stressful at all, and will likely have no negative effect on your pregnancy.
5. Rifle through your tenants belongings, see random things you know nothing about, news clippings of violent world events, and automatically assume that because one of them has numbers coinciding with your baby's supposed due date that there must be an evil plot afoot to harm your baby. Makes sense.
6. If you want to stop an execution, the best way to do it is make your way to the front of the crowds thronging the gates of the prison, say you're the defense attorney's wife (and you brought your new young friend who's good at translating ancient Hebrew cryptic codes), and you'd like to go in. They'll let you in, because after all - it's only death row.
7. If you're an evil priest who is really the roman soldier who last abused Jesus and your evil plan is about to be realized, but some crazy lady at the last second shows up and starts screaming random nonsense, you shouldn't put any trust in the likelihood that the authorities would haul the crazy lady's butt out of there, and that the execution would in all likelihood proceed. No - far better for you to start shooting up the place. That'll ensure that your carefully crafted evil machinations will come to fruition.
(I was sick today and unfortunately watched this - luckily it was free on demand. But I'm still in mental and emotional anguish over how laughably bad it was. No redeeming qualities whatsoever - a mishmash of quasi-religious mumbo jumbo that made no sense, a cringeworthy script, and mediocre acting.
On the other hand, the '80s apparel - manly yuppie sweaters, oversized, shapeless, knapsack apparel for women - was awesome to behold.)