Clownhouse vs. The Dark Knight Rises

Listen up. In almost every way possible, Clownhouse is a better film than The Dark Knight Rises. Sure, that is an opinion. But here be the facts...

Clownhouse is about a boy being forced to overcome his fears when three escaped mental patients dressed as clowns come to his house. The Dark Knight Rises is about Batman talking in an annoying fake voice while getting his @$$ kicked by some bald guy in a lame mask with an equally obnoxious fake voice.

Clownhouse didn't have horrible voices. The Dark Knight Rises had some of the most pathetic fake post-production deep voices ever to be seen on film.

Clownhouse didn't butcher the hell out of a comic book hero. The Dark Knight Rises did.

Clownhouse had a budget of $200,000. The Dark Knight Rises had a budget that multiplied Clownhouse's by 1250, yet Clownohuse was still a far more entertaining movie. That's $200,000 x1250. Think about that.

Clownhouse has no cheesy one-liners. The Dark Knight Rises has about fifty.

Clownhouse was a film that was based on Victor Salva's vision. The Dark Knight Rises was a film that was based on a lousy script that borrowed every unnecessary explosion scene from Transformers.

Clownhouse tried to be Clownhouse. The Dark Knight Rises tried to be Transformers. Victor Salva tried to be Victor Salva. Christopher Nolan tried to be Michael Bay lol.

Clownhouse didn't have some random ugly bitch who looked like the ugly chick in Star Wars that turned out to be the real antagonist. The Dark Knight Rises did.

Clownhouse has a cult following of horror fans who appreciate movies that are entertaining and create an eerie atmosphere. The Dark Knight Rises has several billion sheep from all around the world who have Batgasms over whatever the hell Christopher Nolan's uglass feeds them.

Clownhouse didn't insult its fans by making them sit through three and a half hours of explosions, the world ending, and Catwoman saying things that were cheesy as hell. The Dark Knight Rises did exactly that, except they managed to make it even more boring by introducing randomass characters who are completely irrelevant and don't further the storyline in any way.

Clownhouse has characters that were introduced the right way. The Dark Knight Rises threw in some random characters that no one gave a flying fuq about.

Clownhouse didn't have a lame kissing scene while a ticking time bomb was about to go off. The Dark Knight Rises did.

Clownhouse didn't have shaky camera shots. The Dark Knight Rises was like watching Cloverfield.

Clownhouse didn't have a protagonist on a cane and characters that looked like they were straight out of Lord of the Rings, as well as scenery that stole from Lord of the Rings. The Dark Knight Rises did.

In conclusion, Clownhouse > The Dark Knight Rises, and the whole Christopher Nolan trilogy for that matter.