I am confused

It will start making sense, I can assure you. Don't fight it. Just let it happen and see what happens. Forget about what people say. Everybody tends to fall into that "homosexual undertones" thing. Once I heard the director say that perhaps the tragedy is that Colin's character is NOT homsexual, he is ZERO, if he had been homosexual the film's title would have been "The Other Side Of Pillow Talk" Next time you see it, and you must, just follow Colin's character and see what happens, Then follow Bochner's character. There are several movies in one. Each character has its own but they live in a melting pot where nothing ever melts. Talking about it made me want to see it again. I will. Thank you jizake.

WARNING: This essay contains spoilers to the film, including important plot points.

I originally wrote this for Desplegado: An Apartment Zero Resource (http://seventh-seal.com/zero).

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Homoeroticism plays a large role in the development of Adrian and Jack's relationship, which intensifies as their dependence on one another grows much stronger. The sexual tension is a driving force for the film; intertwined with the plotlines of Jack's mysterious life and Adrian's cheese sliding off his cracker - ie. going insane - the insinuations and delightfully suspenseful one-on-one scenes between our leading men sent women's knees weak and men's eyebrows arching (plenty of men have sat fanning themselves during this film as well!). Their relationship is built upon varying degrees of attraction and dependency, but when combined with the other important events occurring, emotions perhaps become more amplified than they would normally be.

Homosexual men have an erotic attraction to others of the same sex. This isn't to say that a man must exclusively desire men before classifying themselves as gay, but rather a predominant desire. It is possible for gay men to also entertain thoughts of engaging in sexual interaction with women, but such thoughts do not last. A man does not need to be sexually active to be a homosexual - orientation is defined by character. Many gay men become involved in long-term commitments with one another not for physical satisfaction but for companionship.

Analysts, who are determined to prove that homosexuality is an illness suffered by unbalanced, perverted individuals, have wrongly labelled gay and bisexual men as being abnormal. They base this accusation on their beliefs that they act out sexual impulses that are not socially acceptable, and say that these impulses should be suppressed for the sake of social adaptation. Basically, homosexuals express fantasies that, according to these analysts, do not have a place in civilisation, and these people are deserving of their position as a social pariah. With this hanging over gay men's heads, it is understandable that so many of them deny themselves of a basic human instinct, that being physical affection. The pressure associated with behaving in a socially acceptable manner often leads to severe symptoms, including depression and anxiety.

Evidence of this can be seen in Adrian's gradual mental deterioration - with a lack of self-esteem, Adrian is vulnerable and unsure of his identity. He keeps to himself and becomes tense when he believes his neighbours are too curious. This is characteristic of a suppressed homosexual and such behaviour can be psychologically harmful, because he cannot gain pleasure from his sexual activity and his desires are not expressed. He appears to be suffering from depersonalisation, a state in which the sense of personal identity and reality are lost. Being in such a state, he is vulnerable to psychological influences that he takes onboard as a compensation for his own loss of character.

Jack is a dangerous influence on Adrian. What's worse, he is all too aware of it, and takes pleasure in it. Adrian's deterioration is Jack's tool for wearing him down until Adrian finds himself dependent on Jack. Jack is a master in psychological warfare; he is aware of his own power, can disarm the most guarded of people and his actions are carefully calculated. In Adrian, he sees the potential of having a partner in crime, and he gradually manipulates Adrian to the point of total submission. Homosexuals, having a history of being outcasts from 'normal' society, typically close ranks around each other and become highly protective of one another. Although Jack's reasons for brainwashing Adrian are at first purely for his own gain, there is a definite desire for companionship. Jack leads a clandestine existence and can only allow himself to form relationships with people who are, or can be, on the same psychological plane. To put it plainly, he needs to identify with a person who also lives privately. As the film continues, Jack becomes better at the game he shares with Adrian, so good that he can match Adrian's level of skill. At the drop of a hat, they fire names and movie titles back and forth. Jack has worked out that he needs to think as Adrian does in order to connect with him and build trust and rapport.

When Jack questions whether Adrian is interested in girls, Adrian's face suddenly hardens. An anxious expression crosses his face for a fleeting moment before he replies, "No, I don't like girls." He adds, "I like women - the kind that can't be picked up." Indeed, the only women he seems interested in are screen sirens, whom both gay and straight men look at as being unattainable ideals. There is an extensively documented bond between gay men and Hollywood glamour queens; the reasons for this bond relate to heroine worship and gay culture. Gay men love the classic screen sirens because they epitomized elegance, poise and grace; their romances were most often dramatic and intense. There is also the suggestion of masculinity in these women. (For elaboration, read my essay on Hollywood actresses.) By declaring that he likes "women, the kind that can't be picked up" he is keeping himself in a safe and acceptable zone. He can slot himself into the straight category at convenience without ever having to touch or make love to a woman.

Investigations by more open-minded analysts have suggested that there is no greater psychopathology in gay men than in heterosexuals. Adrian's sexuality is not the only factor of his deterioration, nor is Jack's bloodlust a result of his sexuality. The only instance in which being gay can contribute to a severe mental state is when, like Adrian, desires are suppressed. In Adrian's case, his lunacy leads back to turbulent and scarring development. His mother suffers from a distressingly fierce mental disorder, and before she was institutionalised, she lived with her son in his apartment, which would've created a very tense and influential environment for him. There is no evidence of Adrian having a paternal presence in his life, thus Adrian would have had to deal with his mother single-handedly - a daunting task for any person. Having such an intense relationship would place a heavy burden on Adrian, and challenged his mental health. Mental disorders are the result of chemical imbalances in the brain, and it is not unreasonable to suggest that these disorders can be hereditary. But to return to the point, one must take into account the speculation that desire for a same-sex love object can be caused by a close-binding mother who undermines her son by blocking the development of independence, interfering with the father-son relationship and inducing a fear of women. His father is noticeably absent and this detachment offers another explanation to Adrian's obsessive nature with his mother - it is impossible to separate from her. Adrian possesses many characteristics that are typical of homosexuality in childhood development - he avoids aggressive play such as "rough-and-tumble" antics and is generally unassertive.

The term *beep* springs to mind when watching Apartment Zero. Jack appeared to take great delight in teasing Adrian and challenging him - sizing him up, if you will. Could the psychological warfare be considered foreplay? Their affections, as much as we can see, are never physically expressed except in such small gestures such as Jack brushing his hand against Adrian's cheek, or Jack clutching Adrian's wrist and staring into his eyes. Theirs is an uncommon relationship that is based around many peculiarities and idiosyncrasies.

There is a recurring issue of trust and honesty in Apartment Zero. In one of the most pivotal scenes, Adrian summons every last ounce of his courage and confronts Jack about his clandestine ventures. In this scene, he asks Jack to either take his mask off or to leave it on forever, but within a heartbeat he adds a plea for Jack not to try and confuse him. Adrian wants more than anything at this moment to trust and connect with Jack; if they are to know one another intimately, he needs to know where he stands with this charismatic American. He also wants Jack to know that he is on Jack's side, or is at least trying to be. His approach to Jack during this and future scenes could also indicate his approach to all matters of the heart - with Adrian, it's all or nothing. Adrian is also uncontrollably drawn to the silver screen fantasy that Jack represents; what gay man would not want a James Dean look-alike of his very own? The mystery is alluring. If Adrian were to become even more deeply involved with Jack, he would be living out the adventures shown onscreen by the screen beauties, male and female, that he idolizes so much. To flee Argentina with Jack would be to begin living the life he has dreamed of, a life taken straight from the cinema - seeing the world with the love of his life, free to be his own self…even if his true self has blood on his hands.

Jack maintains his charming exterior with confidence in his persuasive powers. In the meantime, in Jack's line of work and in his anonymity, Jack may operate on the belief that he cannot trust anybody. Given how delicate their combined and separate environments are, this is understood. But somewhere behind Jack's persuasive and seductive stare lingers a desire to bring Adrian in as close as possible. Too close and Adrian could be harmed; too far and neither of them would be able to bear the distance. Their meeting sealed their fate; there is no turning back for them. He is used to an existence with very few details and letting Adrian in would put both of them at great risk, for different reasons. The question, at this point, begs to be raised: Does Jack want a lover, a companion or an alibi? Adrian, up until now, has been unknowingly functioning as the latter.

Amongst the plethora of confusion, only one thing is for certain: in many capacities, they need one another. Thus Jack finally responds that he is whoever Adrian wants him to be. This can be construed as a romantic connotation: Jack is prepared to present himself in any fashion to his partner, as long as he keeps him happy. It is not only a self-protective mechanism for Jack, but it is also a gesture of willingness to form a relationship in a manner in which they choose - or in which Adrian chooses.

The new DVD release is being heavily marketed to a gay audience as a "homo-erotic" thriller; there are even full-page ads for the DVD in gay magazines, labeling it as such (I've seen them). I think it is undeniable that there is sexual tension between Adrian and Jack; I also *think* but can't prove that Jack is very much aware of Adrian's attraction to him, which he exploits, and Jack is not fully aware of his sexual attraction to his new "friend". After all, Jack is very much a man of the world - he is friendly and encouraging to the drag queen, after rescuing her in the movie theatre. He also easily picks up a gay man when he needs to, and is clearly practiced at the methods of doing so; there is even an indication that he *may* have had sex with his victim. I also believe there are signs that Adrian is becoming emotionally unglued long before the end of the film.

It was certainly obvious to me (of course, I am a gay man) that Adrian is a closeted homosexual. He is so closeted, in fact, that it is possible that he does not even realize his own homosexuality. He has been living a life of isolation, caring for his mentally ill mother, and has suppressed his own sexual desires to the point where he is not even aware of them. There are many such gay people who convince themselves that they are not gay, and even manage to deny their own desires. The key to this is Adrian’s answer to Jack about whether or not he likes girls - "I like women - the kind that can't be picked up". This is an extremely common defense for repressed homosexuals, and used to be much more common in the days when homosexuality was considered unmentionable. It’s still prevalent in cultures and environments where homosexuality is greatly stigmatized. So Adrian "thinks" he likes girls, and is possibly even attracted to them. We can convince ourselves of all sorts of things - I even did the same - as a very young boy, I thought I was attracted to the opposite sex, because that's what I was taught was "normal" - until the time came when I could no longer deny my true desires. Anyway, Adrian is safe thinking he's heterosexual, because he's never allowed himself to get close enough to a woman to actually have a sexual relationship with one. It makes perfect sense, if you're a repressed gay person, to convince yourself that you are straight in order to convince others. It used to be extremely common for repressed gay men to even marry women, and once the honeymoon is over, to settle down to a sexless marriage. Such men also enjoy the legal and social advantages of a heterosexual marriage, convincing themselves that they can be content with the companionship of their spouse; some women even prefer such marriages, and marry men they consciously or unconsciously know are gay. This is one of the sad consequences of remaining closeted. Being “in the closet” had a different connotation in my day - today being in the closet usually means you do not disclose your homosexuality to the world around you. When I was first coming out, to be “in the closet” meant that you had not yet realized your own homosexuality. This was back when there was so little talk about homosexuality that even some homosexuals didn’t realize that homosexuality existed. How do you acknowledge your attraction to members of your own sex, if you are not aware that such a thing is possible?

When Jack comes to see the apartment, we see that Adrian is clearly attracted to him, although my theory is, Adrian does not realize it himself, although the audience cannot possibly miss the nervous stammering, and the desperation in his voice and manner as he tries to "sell" Jack on moving in, after rejecting so many potential roommates.

One final point: it is interesting yet frustrating that this "homo-erotic" thriller contains so much homo-eroticism, without any overt suggestion of homosexuality, except for the presence of a transvestite. Any gay person would view this movie as extremely homo-erotic, yet I can see some heterosexuals not realizing this angle at all, since it's never explicitly stated. It is very difficult to discern the screenwriter and director's motive for keeping the "homo-eroticism" as repressed as Adrian obviously is.

SO...who was killing all those people? Was it in fact Jack or was it Adrian who's sociopathic personality and maybe schizoid self could have done? Bc at the I was shocked at seeing him so candidly pourign wine for the two embalmed people.