Because the show's really about female empowerment and, at least in Roseanne's eyes, women can do no wrong for the most part.
How many times have we heard her say that men are the root of all evil? She seemed to have a personal vendetta against them (probably something to do with having an abusive father growing up), but married one and had four children. That kinda goes against everything she stands for, and makes her a hypocrite in the process.
If I remember the Phyllis Zimmer episode correctly, he was imagining her while making love to Roseanne. If I were Dan, I would have kept my mouth shut. It's not as though he acted upon his fantasies. He was simply catching up with an old friend. I'm sure Roseanne would've had no qualms if a former crush from school also wanted to see what she was up to nowadays.
I made a whole thread about Fred and Jackie. He was so nice to her prior and throughout the duration of their marriage, even after the divorce was finalized. Jackie was the one who acted like a narcissistic nut the entire time.
But, again, it all boils down to it being the man's fault. Dan and Fred wound up getting the short end of the stick in their relationships.
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