I have a couple.. One is when they are working overtime at Wellman and Jackie mentions the extra cash and Roseanne says "We can get that stone lion for our villa in France."
And when the lights go out she says "Well middle class was fun."
There are so many! But the ones that stick out are...
Jackie: She told us that if we let a boy go all the way, we'd be called "loose" or "slutty" or "trampy." Like that was going to stop us.
Roseanne: she should've told us we would be called "mommy."
Bonnie: He forgot Valentines Day? I'd divorce a man for that.
Roseanne: I don't want to reward him!
(to Leon) "for that, you don't get any of our homemade placenta shampoo."
when Jackie's water broke and Leon's freaking out: "That's right, now she has to go through the agony of a DRY BIRTH!"
Darlene: "Mom's making me go on the pill because Becky's having sex!"
Dan: "I don't think that's how that works?"
Mark: [stuffed in laundry hamper] "Mr Conner? I can't breathe!"
Dan: [sitting on said hamper] "Good."
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#HowardWasRight
As the last poster said, there are so many:
Leon! They will NEVER stop making Pop Tarts!
Oh, them 'mow your lawn people'?
Oh yeah? What color are my eyes!?
Not the way Molly speeds.
Not yet. (when Dan asked if Darlene was having a problem at school in the Home Ec. episode)
They actually believe those women are looking back at them.
If you believe in reincarnation at all, this is not exactly the ideal time to kill Mom!
and the one that wasn't so funny, but very well delivered: thank you for your... sense of humor Iloveyougoodbye.
When Dj was skipping school and she sets up Leon to call home. She says I know you and David are back together. Darlene: How did you find out? Roseanne: You just told me.
Another was Leon harping about a drive through window. Roseanne: here's your drive through window. She breaks the glass.
That wasn't Leon that was Fred.
The scene where Roseanne is telling Dan how he should feel about Darlene not wanting them to take her to school. I love the part where she grabbed the cake and said "now you ruined desert" and threw the cake in the trash.
When she told Fischer "I have a loose meat restaurant I know what to do with the body"
When she told Molly off about having Darlene come home late.
The one that gets me every time is the episode with the tornado. (We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto) Jackie is having a nervous breakdown after chasing the tornado and grabs Roseanne and bursts out, "Roseanne! I wanna live!" And Roseanne responds with "Think it over!" Cracks me up. Also same episode after the power goes out and Darlene pretends to be missing and Roseanne yells "That is NOT funny you're grounded till menopause!" Darlene responds with "Mine or yours?" And Roseanne replies with "Your father's!"
shareThat tornado one gets me every time too!
So does when the tornado makes a banging sound at the front door, and Crystal jumps in fright. Roseanne assumes that creepy face & voice and says "Its for youuuuu, Crystal!"
One of my favorites (AND a line I use in real life lol) is when Roseanne is welcoming guests into the house:
"Excuse the mess...but we live here."
When Rosanne is dressed as a man at the Lobo, and is teasing the men about their women troubles:
"Well, its tougher to control a woman who aint inflatable!"
Later, when Crystal unknowingly hits on disguised Roseanne:
"And what's your name?"
And when Dan tries to help the same disguised Roseanne from getting beaten up:
Dan: "Leave him alone. He's my husband. Anybody who messes with him, messes with me." *looks him up & down suggestively*
"Did you want to mess with me??"
I'd say this cloud is Cumulo Nimbus.
Didn't he discover America?
Penfold, shush.
Roseanne (... You're in big trouble and your punishment is not going to be sex with your boyfriend.)
Darlene (Well obviously you've never had sex with my boyfriend.)
This one is so random, but it cracks me up every time.
At the end of "Sleeper" when Roseanne is trying to get Bev to leave the room so she can talk to Becky, she tells her to go look at the ashtray DJ made for her. Bev says "I don't smoke!"
Roseanne replies, "I know that, but he does."
For some reason, that kills me.
Another is in Dances with Darlene "Becky go with her, don't leave her alone with that dress."
shareI thought of another:
Dan: Check it again! (after Roseanne checked the pulse of the salesman who died in their kitchen.)
Roseanne: I can count to zero!
[deleted]
We have water, I'm sure it has minerals
share[deleted]
Roseanne: "So basically we're good people."
Dan: "Yeah but we're not practicing."