the kids' lines
Some of my favorites:
Darlene:
(after Roseanne told her she could have sex in the house quietly without anyone knowing it): Oh, yeah? You can't!
- Mom wants me to go on the pill because Becky had sex.
- Face it, you're both tanks.
- You were sitting on a Porta Crapper that got nailed by a wrecking ball. I didn't take one shot. Now that's love.
- What, I invented Double Dutch Chocolate?
- Hawks don't generally pass out on the sofa after eating a quart of ice cream.
- No one is saying what they should be saying: Becky, you're spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate little brat!
- Or we'll bury you in the backyard with our other brothers.
Becky (I can't think of as many for her. I guess it's because her reactions and delivery were always so much better than the lines themselves):
- (after hearing D.J. was peeping at Darlene) WHY?!
- you're just a whiny little basket case who's milking this depression thing for all it's worth
- Oh, no one needs to see that!
- I'm quitting pep squad, I'm quitting school and if anyone calls me tell them I'm dead!
- asking Roseanne for birth control pills was hilarious
D.J.:
- I told Kevin I'd call off Maxine if he gives me two Twinkees a day. I gave one to Maxine and eat the other one. Doesn't cost you a thing.