I'll start:
1. When you go to Hawaii never admit you're from Arizona, say you're from around L.A. or the mainland instead.
2. Putting your stuff in bushes is not a good enough hiding spot.
3. If you're stuff is taken, don't worry, the locals are stupid enough to wear it the next day.
4. If you order a drink you can't afford wait til a fight ensues and then sneak out.
5. Its wicked easy for haoles to pick up hot local wahines.
"Life is for the Adventurous"
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8. You can conquer surfing in a month if your teacher is a "soul surfer" with a daughter that has an over dubbed voice.
9. Life in Hawaii is one big montage, followed by a music montage.
10. "The Nature of the Beast" is a *beep* awesome song.
11. In Hawaii, it goes from night to day and back to night in the same scene.
12. Lance Burkheart is a real man
13. You get respect from the Huoi when you stop acting like a Barney, or you make out with the local chick.
lol the daughter's dubbed voice always sounded so weird to me - "got get it Roger!"
"Two tigers cannot live on the same mountain"
Your Surfboard is more important than those deep gashes Barno!
share14. The wave breaks right here. Don't be there when the wave breaks or "ya gonna get DRILLED"
15. Occy sounds like a fag in the hottub.
16. On the North Shore, people treat friends "mo betta"
17. Burkhardt breaks boards, like for fun.
18. Chandler has never coached Turtle on big wave surfing.
19. Hitch-hiking on the north shore is a good way to come across some homemade pork jerky.
20. Flying cockroaches can fly off with little baby barney and *beep*
21. Wrap a lava rock in a tea leaf, place in on the altar, and pray for Keanni to give up the poonanni.
22. When the surfs good...nobody works!!!
23. If you're the best surfer in Arizona, you're still the worst surfer everywhere else.
24. If you help out a homeless kid that you randomly meet outside a store, watch out, because he'll probably steal your job, move into your boss's house, and never even say thank you.
25. You should probably call that weird old guy that offered to let you stay at his place in Hawaii six months ago before you fly four thousand miles and surprise him in a strip club.
26. An Arizona wavepool is a perfect simulation of a Hawaiian spitting on you.
27. "Yeah, yeah, no!"
28. An Arizona wavepool looks similar (because it's there) like the same one in Palms Springs.
29. Rick's mom is f'ing hot. Period. Oh yeah, and she doesn't look like Rick.
30. Hawaiians are dirty fighters.
31. Turtle's nationalty and wherever the hell he's from will NEVER be disclosed.
32. Whenever you have a gay, diamond rock in your left ear, make sure you turn to the left when the camera is on you just to show that baby off.
33. Cheating does win.
34. If a Hawaiin woman "takes champange", watch the hell out.
35. Soul surfers have "single-fin mentality".
36. People look at you weird when you say "bitchin".
37. Even when Burkhart is gone for the season, he still lets you party at his place.
38. A sharks jaw is a kickass halloween costume.
39. Chandler only makes boards one way...the right way
40. Don't be a pussy and get more than one piece of Sugar Cane
41. The first surf board you ever try is a big ass wooden plank...or as rick puts it, "this isnt' a surfboard, its a canoe".
42. A wave breaks in water that is half as deep as the wave is tall.
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All Haoles are fresh off the boat OR just off the jet. Unless they are very good swimmers that is.
share48. Chandler is the best shaper in Hawaii... maybe even the world even.
share49. like the Eskimos and snow, the Hawaiians have around 100 words describing water
and remember surfers the most important thing learned
50. Waves arent made for thrashing, hotdogging or freestyling on them like Lance Burkhart
51. How about if you "bite it" pretty bad the bacteria in the coral will leave you "scarred for life, Bra", so you need to "scrub it, kook!".
share52. As a haole, its important to try and fit in with the locals. You do this by talking like Jeremy from pure pwnage eh.
Fighting the forces of evil, that none of us can see without sunglasses
53. If you're gonna get a freaky bug-eyed insect mask to wear on Halloween, don't wait till the last minute, "like it was tha last one, bra."
54. Locals get together to dance, sing, eat whole fish, and welcome unknown haoles--so long as the hot local wahine invites them.
55. Rain can start and stop instantaneously, and when it does you need to say, "whoops."
56. If you pull the surfboard leash of your competitor, even way out at the break, everyone on the beach will immediatley know what you did and they'll all hate you. Alex won't carry your board anymore, either.
57. They're only "twelve" if someone says so, otherwise they're fair game.
58. Surfing down the street on a makeshift skateboard/bicycle makes you look fricking awesome, despite the douchebag left and right swaying movements.
59. Hui Chicks - Be Careful!
60. It's Aloe - It's Natural Antiseptic
61. The Hui are descended from Ancient Hawaiian Kings - Not Petty Thieves
62. if you want to make it out into the line up you need to "Duck Dive"
63. rick is so haole, he don't even know he's haole.
64. aloe is mo betta den stitches.
65. vince is not a talker or a fighter. just a surfer who mind controls da hui.
66. if you took his stuff, you beat him up.
Elliot: but that doesn't make sense
JD: "so does your face" always makes sense
67-Nobody listens to Turtle
share69. You only have to learn to surf in a swimming pool, to be able to compete and get into the finals of the Pipeline Masters.
share70. Inevitably, Roger will go get it.
share71. if you meet someone from hawaii who says you can stay with him when you are in hawaii, he probably doesn't mean it. and he especially doesn't mean it if he runs a bar in honolulu, and if he's australian.
72. don't buy hookers drinks in honolulu
Club Hubba Hubba is on Keeaumoku St., "by the beach".
share73: They will always mention the word Mainland, in every Hawaii movie. According to North Shore, is where Barney's come from.
"Coon-Gradlu-lashion.... Fift-teen..Thoou-zen.. Carrss.."
74. Nobody rides twinfins in Hawaii.
75. The head of the Hui is Mexican.
76. Christian Fletcher can't surf pipe.
77. Haoles don't like raw mackerel.
78. The East River has some pretty radical waves.
79. It's not redundant to explain when you will stop calling someone "barney", while addressing them as "barney"
80. Turtle's Big Gun, though sometimes mistaken as Rick's, has good lines, a good design, and is beautiful.
*3. If you're stuff is taken, don't worry, the locals are stupid enough to wear it the next day.*
It wasn't the next day.
81: There are sharks the ocean?
82: If you learn to surf in a wave tank you don't know how to duck dive....
83. here on the north shore we treat friends more better
share84: Turtle will act all nice to you when he says goodbye to you at the airport, but he is really just trying to bang your wahine babe.
85: Don't wear a leash if Lance Burkhart needs a win.
90. If Laird Hamilton was just as much of a dick in real life, Riding Giants would have really sucked.
share91. It's all about the spiritual side of life and being one with the ocean ... especially if you're an entrepreneurial, middle-aged, world class surfboard shaper who has acquired enough personal wealth to afford and own beachfront property in Hawaii.
share92. When asking someone if they wanna meet Chandler or if they like the surfboard you made, you must immediately follow up their response with "NO".
share93. Nobody listens to turtle.
shareLaird Hamilton has a thruster(3-fin board) mentality.
and he's such a skilled surfer, that he can get a brand new board that just came off the shaping room and surf with it without waxing it before.
94. Fatheads need to get off the stage.
share95. Strip clubs in Hawaii are not the best places to find attractive women.
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101. Ed Lusky doesn't care what he said.
share102. That Soul Surfing by white people was never referred to as "Blue-Eyed Soul Surfing", for some reason.
103. That Nia Peeples was actually considered a very hip and cool popular TV and movie actress in the late 80's and early 90's, for some reason.
104. That Gregory Harrison could find plenty of B-Movie work between his extensive TV show gigs, for some reason.
106. Nobody listens to Turtle, for good reason.
107. A real surfer goes with the wave.
108. If you move your foot a little bit, it really makes a big difference.
109. As long as you're with Chandler (or you are Chandler), the Hui can get in line (to catch a wave) just like everyone else.
110. A late takeoff will result in a terrible wipe out or a broken board.
111. If you're a good surfer, but you're not careful, the Professor just might make you a cover boy for all those surfer magazines.
112. When Vince Mokaloka, the head of the Hui calls you Haole-boy, but then flashes you the Shaka sign, you're O.K. with him -- even though you're still a Haole-boy.
96. Pork Jerky is goooood ah
97. Rick's mom was not impressed with his performance.
98. Derek Ho is a mute with a mustache
99. Turtle can tell you're lame by the way you wear your shorts.
100. In Hawaii movies only the Hawaii guys speak pidgin. The girls speak perfect standard English.
96. You still have to wear an Aussie bush hat to let everyone know your from Australia
share101. Rick's mother was under the impression that he wanted to be a designer.
102. Lisa gives out silver surfer belt buckles and kisses.
103. If one paddles in for a board change during a surf contest, this will cost him time. But not points.
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