What if Dan had the whole fling with Alex whilst still single?
I personally believe things would (eventually) have been 10x worse if this had been the case. That anger she had built up inside her was just waiting to come out.
Anyone who has been through BPD or lived with a partner with BPD might be able to comment more accurately on this.
I don't think it would have been any worse. I'm not sure Alex was capable of being any worse than she was.
My guess is that Dan would have dated her for a time (he said as much on that Sunday over lunch). He told her that he thought she was terrific and that if he hadn't been married then he'd probably be with her (although maybe he was just softening the blow).
But say he had dated her, she would have made just as many demands on him and his time. I imagine she would have have gotten in a rage if ever he was working late or failed to keep a date with her. Then she would accuse him of seeing other women and she would just wear him down. Once he saw her true colours he'd have tried to leave her and she would have stalked him just as she did but he wouldn't have had so much to lose such as a wife and a child. He only put up with a lot of her demands because he was terrified of his wife finding out. Had he been single he'd probably have found it easier to kick her to the kerb and inclined much earlier to report her to the authorities.
"Has anyone seen my wife?" - Columbo
It's like every guy's nightmare. They're inconsolable, and stifling, so you wan to get away. At the same time, it's unbearable the thought of what might happen to them when you're no longer there as a security measure.
shareIt can also be a woman's nightmare when she is being hounded and stalked by a man. It happened to me but my stalker was a policeman and I feared that if I reported him, his cronies would close ranks. Thankfully I moved away but it was one of the most unsettling experiences of my life - the sheer unpredictability of it. He would drive miles and park off-road in the hope of catching me walking into town. Text after text message threatening suicide, flowers being left outside of my door et al. He was a big man too - over six foot and quite the evil stare. He ended up seeing the police psychiatrist. Anyone who gets stalked has my deepest sympathy.
"Has anyone seen my wife?" - Columbo
Would you mind if I stole that idea for a story? I'd give you full credit of course.
Seriously though, that is unbelievable. I can't imagine how scary that must have been. How long did it go on for, if I may ask?
Knock yourself out Dan, I don't mind at all
I "met" him on a forum initially. I thought he would be trustworthy as a man of the law but even so, I did all the right things. I arranged to meet him in a public place and have a male friend call me during the meet to ensure I was OK. But of all the things to happen, the morning before we met that lunchtime I was drying up my microwave plate and it slipped from my grasp and shattered - I sliced the sole of my foot on a shard I didn't see. I bandaged it all up and texted this guy to ask if he could collect me from home as I was unable to walk very well on it. That was my mistake. He turned up the next evening uninvited and I pretended to be out but he must have known I was in by seeing lights going on and off and threatened to use his gadget to bust the door in because he was "concerned". I had to let him in because I couldn't have my door bust in - it was an army bunglaow (my husband was in Afghanistan and we were breaking up so I was alone).
It went on for two months until I could secure a rental which was a 7 hour drive away. I told nobody of my move and he never found out where I had gone. You are welcome to use any elements of the account for a story. Feel free - happy to see something positive come out of it
"Has anyone seen my wife?" - Columbo
I had a very similar experience to that.
shareI'd reword it as one of our (guys) nightmares, some classify as an emotionally clingy girl as a nightmare.
That's different from being in a situation, what the film is about. I admit to being somewhat of an idiot, I ignored the red flags, that came up very early, and took a lot of what she said at face value. If it was pure imagination, or taken from a soap on her part, I'll never know, nor had I stuck around to find out. She constantly accused me of cheating (though I can be inconsiderate at times, I'm neither popular with women, nor am I person thrilled about the pressure of constantly lying by having a lover), did self-harming, and demanded an insane amount of attention, whether I was at work, at home or with my family (the kind you grow up with, not your own). She stalked and threatened friends, my coworkers, and indirectly implied things toward my family.
I've restarted my life completely from scratch, and I'm mad at myself, and put her to the back of my mind, and still hope, my next girlfriend will be much more normal. I don't antagonize all women, but I also don't agree that aggression is mainly connected to testosterone. Violence starts with brain chemistry, and even the seemingly most fragile of people can make up a sh*tstorm.
What if Dan had been single? I think that it would have been better, rather than worse. Not that Alex would have been any less cuckoo, but at least he would have been able to take action on it without having to constantly try to keep the whole thing from his wife. He could have enlisted the help of anyone, legal or otherwise, in attempting to solve the problem without the fear of arousing the suspicion of his family. Also, there would have been no daughter for Alex to kidnap for the day as a means of terrorizing Dan.
shareThanks for sharing your story. I am glad to hear you have re-started your life after this apparently toxic relationship. I am curious to know how you ended it - did you just say 'enough is enough', and that was the end of it? Of course, this may be too personal a matter for you to discuss further, and I will understand if you would rather keep some details to yourself.
I will share that I am lucky enough to avoided women like this, for the most part, but for one odd incident that happened to me about three years ago. I was in a deli, and some random woman commented on my outfit. That led to a bit of small talk, then a request that I 'drink with her'. She picked up a bottle of beer, and I was willing to pay for it - at first. Then she got a bit weird, and I started thinking 'red flag, here!' I ended up leaving the deli, without paying for that beer. She followed me out, and seemed more puzzled than angry. But it was clear that she had mental problems, because at one point she started to try and physically keep me close to her. I actually had to use my strength to get her grip off of my arm, and then high-tailed it down the street. I am very sure, to this day, that I did the right thing that night.
If Dan had been single things wound have been similar. She wanted to possess him. She would have gone to any length to have him. Married or not.
share