This movie has no personality
That's the one thing I forgot to mention.
There's no 'distinct style', everything is too 'paint-by-the-numbers'. No laugh-out-loud moments, no great one-liners, these comedians are all _SO_ wasted (no pun intended), it boggles the mind why they were even hired.
It's like someone DIMINISHED their comedy to the minimum, the smallest possible expressions, when ALL of them could be so mad and explosive in their zany comedy.
The 'chanting' part could, it COULD have been SO quirky and interesting, so funny and amazing, but it's SO lackluster and short. They could've made it completely individual instead of just repeating some tiny word over and over and shooting.
Why couldn't this have been personalized, individualized, tailored for each comedian perfectly? There's no reason. This movie LACKS more than it has, it makes the audience wonder more 'what could have been' and 'why wasn't this included' than admire what actually exists in the movie or be satisfied with what is actually shown.
Even their fake crying is _SO_ fake and superficial, why can't it be more believable OR at least more over-the-top? It looks like a child trying to pretend to be crying, and it just doesn't work. It's not funny, it's not zany, it's not humorous, it's not interesting.
Watch a movie like 'National Lampoon's Vacation', where Chevy is trying to pretend to care about the dog being dead when the cop is lashing out at him angrily, and see how much better it could have been. Even this part is just a tiny part of Vacation, but it's already 97.7 times better than anything shown in this movie.
If you have seen the BEST each big star has to offer, you have to scratch your head when watching this movie, because, frankly, they could've been replaced with almost any relatively mediocre comedians, and the movie would've remained pretty much the same. Their skill, talent and charisma just doesn't exist in this movie. It's like cardboard cut-out versions of these people, what is going on?
These people are all amazing geniuses in their best movies and performances, why are they so dull and lackluster here? The vodka drinking scene ends up with them making a silly pose, and that's it. REALLY?!
You have fking Martin Short, who drinks alcohol in 'Innerspace', and has a MUCH funnier, bigger response to it - just look at it - LOOK AT IT!!
Why couldn't we have something like that here? ANYTHING? It's like someone de-fanged each comedian so all they can do is a tiny pose, and that's all. Watch Steve Martin get angry in 'Planes, Trains & Automobiles' to see what he can do - why couldn't the vodka drinking scene have something like that from him?
Chevy is always a bit more deadpan, but even THAT isn't utilized here almost at all. He's not saying anything funny or doing fun stuff, like looking at his plain arm as if he is wearing a watch, or telling that his car hit a water buffalo.
He's just SO wasted, but then, so is everyone, even the women. How many times is that main woman character going to make that 'innocent, but meaningful look into the camera'-expression? Why can't she get angry, emotional, happy, anything?! Just that blank expression and a tiny smile is all we get.
I appreciate how little make-up she's wearing, which lets her natural beauty come out, but that's the only praise you can really have. I am sure the actor absolutely could do some deeply emotional stuff, but even when her village is being destroyed, she never changes expressions.
What the hell did they make? The premise isn't too bad, the plot is a bit boring, but it could've been done justice. I have seen exciting 'Zorro' episodes from 1980s, for crying out loud, and THAT show was silly and wacky, but at least it was consistent.
This movie just plain sucks, which is amazing, considering its cast and authentic locations, pretty women and the budget. So many things are so good, the wardrobe, make-up, villainy performances, etc.. but there's no personality, so the movie just doesn't work. Such a sad thing, too, because as I said, I LOVE the cast so much, I would watch almost anything with them.
Except this one, I am done with this one.