Opening Dialouge

So? Tell me about last night.

Are you kidding me?
Are you pulling my leg?

- So?
- So tits out to here.

- Some 20 years old.
- You must be fooling. You devil.

You think she hadn't gone the route?

- She knew the route, did she?
- Are you kidding? She wrote the route.

- So where am l?
- Probably at the Pancake House.

I'm over at the Pancake House, and this
chick walks over to the cash register.

19 or 20 years old.
She wants to buy a pack of Viceroys.

She gets the smokes and says
she forgot her purse up in her room.

- Was she a pro?
- At that age?

At this point, we don't know.

So we sit down and get coffee
and she says:

"Come up to my room
and I'll pay you back for the smokes."

- You're *beep* me. Was she a pro?
- At this point, we don't know.

She says, "sit down, you want a drink?"
I say, "what have you got?" "Bourbon."

Then what shot does she pull?

A) she says:
"I think I'll take a shower".

- And B) she says: "Then let's *beep*
- She said that?

- Was she a pro?
- At this point, we don't know.

So I say: "I'll join you in the shower,
if you have no objections".

So in we go, and does she have a body?
Are you kidding me? The tits. The legs.

Are you *beep* fooling me?
The ass on this broad.

- Young ass?
- Well, young broad, young ass.

So we get out and towel each other off
in his and her full glory.

While we're toweling off,
I flick the towel at her, -

- and by accident, I hit her on the ass,
and we got this big red mark.

I'm all sorry and so forth,
but what does this broad do -

- but let out a squeal of pleasure
that would *beep* kill a horse.

What the hell, I'm liberal,
so I heave a chair at her.

- Draw blood?
- Not yet. But what does she say?

"Wait a minute!" She pulls out
a suitcase from under the bed -

- with a World War Il flak suit.

Zip, zip, she gets into the flak suit,
we get down on the bed.

- What are you doing?
- *beep*

- But she's in a flak suit.
- She leaves the zipper open.

But the shot is,
every thirty seconds or so, -

- she wants me to go "BOOM"
at the top of my lungs.

So we're humping and pumping,
and every once in a while, I go "boom".

In the middle of everything,
she turns on a little tape recorder.

I don't know what the shot is.
All of a sudden I hear:

I'm pumping away, the tape recorder
is making airplane noises.

Every once in a while, I go "boom",
and the broad starts going crazy.

She's moaning and groaning -

- and screaming,
"Red Dog One to Red Dog Squadron".

Suddenly, she screams, "Wait!"
and pulls out a five-gallon jerry can.

It's full of gasoline.
She splashes it over the walls -

- pulls out a zippo and "whoosh",
the room goes up in flames.

So the tape recorder is going ... ,
the room is full of smoke -

- and the broad screams,
"Do it now, for the love of Christ!"

So I look at the broad,
and I figure, *beep* this nonsense.

I struggle into my shorts,
make it to the elevator.

The place is filled with smoke.

The elevator arrives,
and the hall is filled with firemen.

- Those firemen make out like bandits.
- Nobody does it normally anymore.

These young broads don't know
what the *beep* they want.

- You think she was a pro?
- A pro, Dan?

A pro is how you think of yourself.
See my point?