1. ninja enjoy murdering innocent women and children.
2. it takes six years to move from japan to america and open up a doll gallery.
3. mafiosi armed with machine guns can loiter outside of a public building without drawing any kind of attention.
4. braden has pockets that are large enough to contain a full-sized dummy and a mechanical ninja arm.
good points.
shareAlso that Sho Kosugi's Smoke bombs are of inferior quality next to Braden's...
shareHow about the 20 things I learned from watching "Revenge Of The Ninja"...
1.If you catch a ninja's arrows with both hands you can always catch the third with your mouth instead of just dodging it.
2.Girls who hang around in your apartment in sexy lingerie will always reject you when you try to make a move and then when you tell them to leave the room they get offended.
3.Ninja always arrive at a hit scene(ie. a bathroom at a rec park) in "plain clothes", change into their suit(in the bathroom stall), kill their target, remove their suit and leave the scene of the crime in plain clothes(in public and in daylight)so that no one knows a ninja did it I guess. And they're not afraid that anyone will recognize or identify them leaving the scene of the crime.
4.Seedy urine soaked one-eyed bums are always the best source for information on the street.
5.Don't *beep* with the japanese, they can be very dangerous, even if those said japanese people are just a lone american wannabe wearing silky black pajamas and holding a flame thrower up his sleeve.
6.The only thing missing from this movie other than the kitchen sink was the "wilhelm scream".
7.It takes two months to make a japanese doll that clearly looks like it was made in two hours.
8.Eight japanese dolls that stand approximately 12 inches tall can hold enough heroin to make an elaborate 5 year drug scheme pay off.
9.Always hide a chain purchased from ACE Hardware inside your peppermill so you trip ninja off his ladder with it.
10."The length of the blade is precise, so it can pass through the gate of the eye and kill, it's really quite simple."
11.Koga ryu ninja don't rely on their peripheral vision that's why they wear chrome demon masks under their ninja hoods.
12.You can easily hypnotize a hot blonde slut by making her count backwards from five. But the effect only works if your eyes light up.
13.Japan is where all the best heroin comes from.
14.Never hire an obese japanese man as a henchman, because he will try to rape your girlfriend and get beaten up by an eight year old boy.
15."Look! There's Superman!"
16.You always need pants to work out.
17.If you're looking for your missing child, always ask the group of adult male felons that hang out at the local rec park playground if they have seen him first.
18.Who needs a Gillette Mach 3 razor when there is the ninja fan.
19.All ninja can jump of a 50 foot roof top and land on their feet without injury.
20.It's perfectly fine to accent your ninja suit with a bright red head band and waist sash combo , no one will notice your untactical choice in attire until it's too late.
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23: A human being can do an arial flip over a brick wall and not worry bout what's on the other side when he lands. 24: You can kill a ninja by stabbing him in the shoulders with arrows. 25: Old Japanese farmers will fight you with their garden tools if you mess with their family no matter who you are. 26: Grandmas will be grandmas...They'll watch their grandsons get jumped by petty young thugs in the street but will fight a powerful ninja at all costs. Also dad doesn't want his son taking up for himself he wants him to just stand there and get his @$$ kicked. 26: Children will turn their back on the adult they just fought trying to kidnap them. 27: Smart ninjas take the time to hang around and take off their masks to wipe their faces after making a kill. 27: Spiderman's not the only wall crawler out there. 28: You can shield your face with your hands from a blowtorch and your fingers won't burn. 29: Everybody takes their turn getting their @$$ kicked by their instructor instead of just ganging him all at once. 30: You're not subject to vulnerability when coming at someone on a bicycle. 31: You can just walk up to anyone and say "Kick his @$$." 32: Cho will never know if someone's tryna come on to him. 33: Pull your gun out and start shooting BEFORE all your buddies get their @$$es kicked. 34: When you see your men get offed by an unknown assassin just fire your weapon into the ceiling and hope you get em.
share1. As per the Braden Ninja Training book: When 2 ninja rush each other with swords drawn, make every attempt to show that you are going for a leq swipe and know that your opponent wont jump over the swipe.
2. If a guy pops down from a ceiling above you holding and twirling a sharp dangerous instrument..always say "what...who..what the...what..?" Instinct should not tell you to move away.
3. It is entirely possible to hold 7-8 extemely razor sharp JACKS in you mouth for hours on end, and be able to project them out of your mouth without so much as a scratch to your mouth.
4. When banging your woman in a hot tub- try not to die with your dick in her as it will take a jackhammer to seperate you later.
* Any good Italian mafioso will have a stereotypically dressed, tomahawk-wielding Native American wannabe goon in his posse. And his name will be Chief.
* This goon will have superhuman abilities, and can jump from a 2nd/3rd story window (in slow motion) with a huge wooden crate without breaking his legs.
- Never pick a fight with a small asian kid in a pink jumper.
- Bullets will always beat ninjas. No need to train for decades just buy a gun.
- A good motivational talk from dad will make you an awesome swordsman.
- When your friends family has just been slaughtered by ninjas its OK to talk about business.
- If you import cheap $2 asian dolls you should open a gallery.
- If you're importing heroin in dolls, put the ones containing heroin on public display.
-You need to be trained from birth in order to break bones.
-In ninja movies NOBODY high up in law enforcement knows what a ninja is or they don't believe in their existence.
-Every mob outfit needs a native american in full tribal getup. They will never draw attention on the streets.
- Said native american henchmen should have the ability to produce tomahawkes from thin air.
- If you open a doll shop get insurance, otherwise you need to fight theives to the death, get dragged by a minivan, and have a native american cut you up with tomahawkes.
- If you plan on fighting mob henchmen who are robbing your store invest in quality clothes, ordinary clothes will start to dissolve on impact.
- Most blonde girls I know must be hypnotised by ninjas
- Buddhist temples have pews and alters like a catholic church.
-Domestic spa baths can be used as instruments of torture.
- A standard office light fitting will hold the bodyweight of a ninja on a flying fox.
-Never remove a ninjas face mask they ALWAYS carry deadly objects in their mouths and will spit them into your face.
-To beat a massive asian henchman all you need to do is get them into the spa, the fight is then apparently declared over and you can leave the room.
-Never let two ninjas use your volley ball court. They will fnck that sh!t up.
-The wooden sheith of a ninja sword is just as strong as its blade.
-If you stab a ninja they spew forth litres and litres of blood, much more blood than a normal human contains.
- If a thug fires a gun in a public park, a police officer is under no obligation to make an arrest so long as the thug gets wounded by a shuriken.
- Detectives get upset when members of organized crime die.
- Broad daylight is the ideal time to infiltrate a mob-owned office building. Wearing black ninja outfits no less.
- Asian people can catch a falling coffee mug without spilling a drop, yet still can't drive for sh*t.
It's a good idea to try to combat 5 or 6 well-armed ninjas with a garden hoe.
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