1. There are 20 fans in the chicken ranch
2. The Texas A & M football team perform music and dance numbers after winning games
3. A three foot tall flame can burn Dolly's a$$
4. Aliens are mentioned in Ezekiel
5. Never insult Ed Earl
6. The Governor of Texas can teleport while in song
7. Getting cleaned with soap and water is the best part
8. Watching Dolly Parton undress is the best part...well, the second best part..
That night,I thanked God for seeing me through that Day Of Days and prayed I'd make it through D+1.
I'll add a modifier to #5: Never tell Ed Earl how to do his job.
And never compare him to Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace. ?
9. Burt's singing voice is as flat as Dolly's chest is mountainous
10. Texans rarely remove their hats during intercourse
11. Never trust a man with a rolled up sock in his trousers
12. Jim Nabors can whittle like a motherf****r
13. Footballers who break into song and dance at random intervals still like girls, apparently
14. Chickens were once a valid form of payment for sex
15. 'The Sidestep' should be the theme song for every political campaign, ever.
16. If you call Dolly a whore, expect the most heartbreaking stare ever committed to film in return
17. 'I Will Always Love You' was written to be sung, not screamed.
18. Real men don't wax
19. Never attempt to sweep Dolly of her feet, lest you slip a disc or lose an eye
20. Brands belong on cattle, and that aint what they're selling at Miss Mona's